6/23/2008

Lord, Why Couldn't It Have Been Carrot Top??!

I first met George Carlin in the early 70s. He was headlining at the Belch 'N Giggle in Trenton, and I was the opening act. I was backstage rehearsing my act when George came up to me in a panic.

"Dyckerson, you gotta help me," he pleaded as he took a hit on his bong.

"Wassup, dude?" I asked.

"I've got no material, and I'm on in five minutes," he said. "Can you lend me a few of your jokes?"

I was about to tell him to get lost, when all the sudden a stage light came crashing down and landed on my big toe.

"SHIT PISS FUCK CUNT COCKSUCKER MOTHERFUCKER!" I screamed.

Just that second, a well endowed waitress walked by. I turned and shouted, "TITS!!!!"

George's face lit up like a Kwanzaa bush. "That's perfect! Thanks!!"

The rest, as they say, is history. George went on to do quite well for himself, yet he never gave me any credit. But I'm not bitter. You see, a few years ago, we ran into each other at an orgy at Tim Russert's place. George pulled me aside and gave me a piece of advice that would change my life forever.

"Dyck," he said. "You need to give up the stand-up comedy. The real future is in blogging."

"Blogging?" I asked skeptically.

"You heard me, clown. Blogging."

"But if blogs are so great, how come you don't have one?" I asked.

George took a swig of his boilermaker and answered simply, "Can't type."

So here I am, the host and star of The Mighty Blog with Mighty Dyckerson. And now that Carlin's cranky old ass is gone, I'm a shoe-in for next year's Shania Twain Comedy Award. Take that, gramps!!!





R.I.P., old buddy.


14 comments:

don henley said...

There's no use in asking why,
it just turned out that way
So meet me at midnight baby
inside the Sad Cafe.

Aza said...

The world seems a bit less funny now.

Anonymous said...

And you said you weren't going to do this. Silly boy!

The Middle Lifer said...

Perfectly executed Dyck, he would have been proud.

catscratch diva said...

To think all this time I thought your charm and wit was totally useless.

Sassy Blondie said...

Somehow I knew this was coming.... :)

XOXO

JMEPED said...

There is nothing funnier than an old man screaming cocksuckers! I wonder if his funeral is going to be one big joke...

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Don - Most of us are sad. No one lets it show. I've been shadows of myself. How was I to know?

Aza - Which means I'll have to be twice as funny to take up the slack.

Anon - I like to keep my fans guessing.

Lifer - Of course he would have. I don't need you to tell me that.

Tubby - No, it was only partially useless.

Sassypants - Did not!!

Jmeped - Let's go there and find out! Wear something black and revealing...

The [Cherry] Ride said...

I don't know what a Kwanzaa Bush is, but I'll bet it ain't good.

don henley said...

I just don't know....
I'm hanging on to those good times, baby
Just want to let them roll

D-HOR said...

I would have banged 'im.

ADW said...

Kwanzaa Bush? Do I even want to know?

~ Stacy ~ said...

Oo, Midnight Flyer
Engineer, won't you let your whistle moan?
Oo, Midnight Flyer
I paid my dues and I feel like trav'lin' on

A runaway team of horses ain't enough to make me stay
So throw your rope on another man
And pull him down your way
Make him into someone who can take the place of me
Make him every kind of fool you wanted me to be...


Bummer.

I liked that dude.

I'm going to go cry now...

Beth said...

day-um...I really liked old George. He had it goin on....