6/03/2008

Happy Birthday, Mighty Blog!


Yes, that's right! The Mighty Blog turns THREE YEARS YOUNG today! Can you believe how time flies??! Seems like only yesterday that I took the blogging world by storm, literally changing the Internets forever! To think I started out with just five readers...and today, I have nearly ONE-AND-A-HALF TIMES that many!!!

Now before I continue, I have let you down. I have been terribly neglectful of my blogging responsibilities, and I am deeply ashamed. These are difficult times we live in, and I know all of you count on my guidance to help steer you down the path of life. I haven't been there, and for that I am sorry.

Truth is, I was just about ready to give up on blogging. In the last three years, I've addressed just about every topic of importance: poop, poon, piss, boobs, twats, farts, fucking, fellatio, pricks, spics, coons, dykes, chinks, dianetics, diabetics, diarrhea, and the mortgage meltdown. You name it, I've covered it. There just didn't seem like any point in continuing.

But then, just about the time I stopped blogging, all Hell broke loose.

Three weeks ago, gas was a paltry $3.15 per gallon. Now it has shot up to nearly THIRTY DOLLARS PER OUNCE. A mere coincidence?? I think not! You and I know damn well that if I had been here, heads would have rolled. The Mighty Blog is read by some of the most powerful figures in Washington, many of whom are nearing the end of their sentences. And when they get out of the clink, those greedy oil company CEOs better WATCH THE FUCK OUT!!!

Also while I was gone, there was a big earthquake in China. Nearly ten billion killed so far, and still counting. Sad thing is, nobody can identify the bodies. Turns out even they can't tell themselves apart! Now I'm not saying my absence caused the tectonic plates to shift, but who knows? Perhaps if all those slant-eyed bastards had been sitting quietly in their homes and reading my blog instead of out discovering the automobile and using up all our fuel, God would not have punished them.

Then Ted Kennedy got himself a tumor in his noggin. Ask me if I care. It's not that I'm an insensitive jerk. I just have a hard time feeling sorry for a boozer who lives in a bubble and gets off free after killing some chick while driving drunk and then leaving the scene of the accident. But that's beside the point. Maybe if old Teddy had been reading my blog instead of tossing back martinis, his head would have been filled with knowledge instead of cancer.

And finally, just the other day, Harvey Korman croaked. Harvey was definitely one of the top three most talented members of the Carol Burnett Show cast. (That's not counting Jim Conrad, who wasn't made an official cast member until three years after the show was cancelled.) I think I speak for everyone when I say, why couldn't it have been Lyle Waggoner??! That no-talent pretty boy shitbag could have kicked the bucket 20 years ago and it would have been no great loss. But what does my lack of posts have to do with Harvey's passing? Elementary. Mr. Korman was obviously a fan of my blog, as any man with an appreciation for cerebral humor would be. So when I stopped blogging, Harvey simply lost the will to live.

It was at that moment that I realized how much the world needs Dyckerson. If I don't return, there's no telling what kind of tragedy will happen next...


So here's to another three years! Long Live The Mighty Blog!!!


16 comments:

sputnick said...

Actually, Sir, you have only one fan left. But no matter, because he is 100 times more loyal than all the rest combined. Welcome back!

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Mmmmm - that cake looks delish! Save me a piece!

The Middle Lifer said...

Stopped blogging? How dare you even think of that as a way of life! YOu must now write 100 times,
"I will blog to keep the sane from insanity." I expect that to be turned in today by and signed by your parents.

puerileuwaite said...

Crap. This probably means your will to live is back as well.

Pud said...

Oh how I missed your ego!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Snutpick - Really? Who is he???

Cherry - Something tells me you'll be getting a "piece" tonight.

Lifer - Sorry, my parents disowned me years ago.

P - I missed you too, you big lug.

Pud - Oh how I missed your bare ass!

ann said...

happy Blog Birthday Dyck, glad you are back!!

Beth said...

Happy Anniversary Dyck! and it's about time you got your lazy ass back here.....quit jackin off and BLOG!!!

catscratch diva said...

At least your ass came out of the woodwork for a birthday celebration.

I thought you were getting anal probed by aliens of something.


Happy B-day, Mighty Blog!

Jake Titus said...

Nice cake. Is that corn I see in the chocolate?

don henley said...

Well I know it wasn't you who held me down
Heaven knows it wasn't you who set me free
So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains
And we never even know we have the key

Ms Smack said...

Congratulations! 3 years is a HUGE achievement, almost as huge as your cock, from what I hear! :)

D-HOR said...

Long Live a GOOD DICK!! .. Dyck

:P

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Ann - Do I even know you??

Beth - Thanks, granny!

Diva - No, the anal probing was last year.

J to the Tit - Close. It's candy corn.

Don - I bet you eat your lunch by yourself a lot.

Smack - You heard correctly!

Hor - HOR!!!!!!!!!

Sassy Blondie said...

Three years is a long time for anyone to care enough to stumble upon this "spectacle" you call a blog. :)

Ok..since it's your anniversary, can the blinking screen and pop ups retire as you move to a new set? ;)

XOXO

~ Stacy ~ said...

"...It's not that I'm an insensitive jerk..."

So... You're a sensitive jerk, then?

Congrats on the 3 years, Mr. Dyckerson.