5/11/2008

SOLD!!!

Does this picture ring a bell?




I wrote about this piece of shit back in January - yes, JANUARY - and I've been trying to unload it ever since. During that time, I have replaced the battery, a fusable link, part of the exhaust, the engine, the transmission, the tires, the brakes, the shocks, the axle, the gas tank, the mirrors, the seats, the radio, the windshield, and even the fucking cup holder. I have also had it towed approximately 57 times and have walked about 200 miles as a result.

I have tried everything to sell this bucket of bolts. I've tried Craigslist, eBay, Auto Trader, Craigslist again, the newspaper, Craigslist again, and eBay again. I even tried parking it in a seedy neighborhood with the key in the ignition and the engine running. I came back three days later and found a sympathy card taped to the windshield. Also, a homeless guy had defecated in the back seat.

Not that I haven't had a few nibbles. One guy was really interested, but only if he could trade me for his Chevy Nova. Another guy was ready to buy, until he looked underneath the car and saw various fluids leaking on the ground. (Geez, some people are so fucking picky.) And I've had numerous asswipes try to lowball me without even looking at the damned thing. How rude!

Finally last week, I found myself the sucker I've been looking for. The foreign bastard came all the way from Maryland to buy it. At first, everything went perfectly. He kicked the tires, started it up, and looked under the hood. So far, so good. Then I let him take it for a test drive. Bad idea. That's when the radiator warning light came on the dash. (Dammit, I had meant to cover that up with black electrical tape.)

Sucker: What dis red light?
Dyck: Oh that?? That's just a reading lamp.
Sucker: It say low coolant.
Dyck: Hmm...That's news to me. So will that be cash or money order?

Of course, foreign bastard tried to use this to his advantage and haggle with the price. But I was not about to back down. Nobody pushes Mightonimous Q. Dyckerson around...and I mean NOBODY. Yes indeed, I stood firm and held my ground. I let that guy know who's boss. No way was I going to pay him more than $3,000 to get that car out of my life.

Now can someone lend me a few bucks til payday?