4/05/2008

I Have Returned...


Many of you have been wondering where I've been the last few weeks. Some of you believe I was incarcerated. Others are under the impression I was in some sort of rehab facility. A few people even think I was abducted by aliens who probed me anally for fun and amusement. Well all of you are WRONG.

You see, there comes a time in every man's existence when he must take pause and examine his life. For me, that time came about two weeks ago. There I was, perched atop my porcelain throne with my laptop computer, about to update you on my quest to break the all-time toilet sitting record.

As I was getting ready to upload a photo of my latest bowel movement, it hit me like a bag of wet pork rinds: Dyckerson, you are 35 years old. You're still single, you have no children, no legacy whatsoever. Every night you come home to an empty house and eat Cheetos on the couch until you pass out. Dyckerson, your life is PERFECT!!!!!

Just then, I dropped my laptop down the shitter and I've been without Internet access ever since.

I'M JUST YANKING YOUR CHAIN!!!

Truth is, I just haven't fucking felt like blogging. There, I said it. Is that OK with you neanderthals??! Can't a guy take a damn break every once in a while without being pestered and nagged??! GEEZ!!!!!

Besides, I've been busy. Many exciting things have been taking place here at Casa de Dyck, and rest assured I'll be telling you all about it in the days and weeks to come. So sit back, relax, and GET OFF MY FUCKING BACK!!!


20 comments:

~ Stacy ~ said...

You took a break too?

Huh.

Well, welcome back, Mr. Dyckerson. I've missed you much and thought of you often.

True story.

Willo Keays said...

As I sit here pathetically alone yet again on a Saturday night, I am glad I found a small bit of entertainment here at the Mighty Network.

I'm so pathetic I'm actually anxiously awaiting your tale of Casa de Dyck.

Someone shoot me now.

Jake Titus said...

I imagine the campaign trail can be a rough road.

tfg said...

That's the beginning of the end.

Sassy Blondie said...

Stop lying! Nothing exciting ever happens to you!

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Shape up, Dyckerson. There's still a chance you could be important. Slim chance, but a chance, nevertheless.

don henley said...

So you can get on with your search, baby,
and I can get on with mine.
And maybe someday we will find
that it wasn't really wasted time.

karla said...

Who's complaining? I just assumed you had died in an auto-erotic asphyxiation masturbation mishap, and I thought God had finally answered my prayers that your blog would die with you.

sputnick said...

Suggestion. Next time this happens, and of course there might be times when the Dyck might forget that blogging is the only thing he truly looks forward to, we would appreciate an ON HIATUS notice, just so that those who have nothing to look forward to except reading the Mighty Blog can get on with our lives without undue stress. Thank you and welcome back.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Stacy - Aww, I bet you say that to all the guys.

Willo - Alone on a Saturday?? How sad for you. Why don't you order a pizza and proposition the delivery guy?

Jake - I wouldn't know. I've been campaigning by sea.

TFG - You're back?? What happened, did your poon supplier dry up?

Sassy - Watch it! I'm armed, and Jesus is guiding my bullets!

Snake - Thanks for the vote of confidence.

Don - Hey, that's kinda catchy! You could have a real career in the music business.

Ms. Babble - YOU CRAZY BABBLER!! You know I'd never leave you, baby!

Spitneck - I could do that, but I like to keep people guessing. That's the beauty of The Mighty Blog - you just never know what's coming next!

Beth said...

Hell no, you can't take no break....the world is a very lonely place without my Dyck.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Wait, you've been gone? I hadn't noticed.

Kadonkadonk said...

Oh the irony.

Catscratch Diva said...

Although I didn't pester you, I did stalk the site for new posts often and got tired of seeing your ass sitting on the shitter.

Welcome back!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Beth - Have no fear. This Dyck is once again standing tall and firm.

Cherry - That's ok. You were probably busy having homosexual intercourse.

Kadinkadunk - It's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife.

Diva - If you didn't like that photo, you better not order my calendar next year...

Crystal said...

well, i am certainly glad you didn't become a rabbi.

The Middle Lifer said...

And I thought turning 45 was a bummer? Youth springs eternal after reading your comments today. There is hope for me yet.

Christie said...

Yet you give us shit when we take breaks for awhile. Hmm. Sounds fair.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Crystal - No, I'm not a rabbi...but I do have a cool beanie!

Lifer - You're 45??! Geez, what's it like being so close to death??

McFatty's Wife - That's because I am Dyckerson, and you.....are NOT.

Effortlessly Average said...

You better be careful or you're going to have to remove yourself from your own blogroll.

And I never thought you were any of those things. I thought perhaps you'd either signed up for the same training program I mentioned recently on EA or- wait a second.... You vanished right about the time I signed up for Tier III... you're not Sven, are you?