4/15/2008

Hangin' With The Pope


As most of you probably know, the one and only Pope is visiting these here United States on a whirlwind tour. What you probably didn't know was that I, Mighty Dyckerson, had the opportunity to sit down with His Papalness for an EXCLUSIVE Mighty Blog interview! The pontiff rarely talks to the American press, so this was a real treat for yours truly. So without further ado, here's the transcript from our conversation.....


Pope: And so I said to the guy, "You're not confessing! You're bragging!! HA HA HA HA HA!"

Dyck: Umm, Mr. Pope? We're recording...

Pope: Oh. Sorry.

Dyck: Welcome to the U.S.! It's an honor to have you here.

Pope: Wassup, home skillet?

Dyck: So this is your first trip to this country. What are your impressions?

Pope: Impressions?? Well, I do a pretty good impression of Ed Sullivan. "Ladies and gentlemen, we have a really big shewwww!!" HA HA HA!

Dyck: I had no idea you were a fan of American television.

Pope: Oh, hells yeah! I just installed a satellite dish on top of the Vatican so I can get HBO. My favorite show is "The Sopranos."

Dyck: Wow, I never would have guessed. So did you meet President Bush?

Pope: That's affirmative. Geez, what a fucktard. And people wonder how I got THIS job!!

Dyck: Tell me about it.

Pope: And what's the deal with these fucking gas prices?? It cost me 50 bucks to fill up the Popemobile this afternoon. And the stupid cashier wouldn't even take my Diners' Club card!

Dyck: I'm sorry to hear that. So what brings you to the States? Do you have a message of peace and hope to share with us?

Pope: Nah, I leave that shit to the greeting card companies. I'm here to plug my new cookbook.

Dyck: You have a cookbook??! What's it called??

Pope: The Papal Gourmet.

Dyck: Catchy title.

Pope: Thanks. Make sure you "savior" money, 'cause it's on sale for only $19.95!!

Dyck: What kind of recipes are in it?

Pope: Oh, all kinds of stuff. Entrees, desserts, you name it. I make an Angel Food Cake that's to die for. And try the Eggs Benedict XVI. It's sinfully delicious!

Dyck: I'd like to shift gears and talk about a more serious subject. I'm talking of course about the Catholic sex scandal.

Pope: Whoa, hold on just a damn minute! I told your producers I would not be answering questions about that!!

Dyck: But I...

Pope: But nothing!! I said I'd talk about my cookbook, my workout video, or my body splash...but NOT about the scandal!!!

Dyck: I just thought you might want to clear the air...

Pope: Clear the air?? Did I fart here??! No, I don't think so! This is an outrage!! Pope Johnny-P never had to put up with this shit! I'm outta here!!


Well there you have it. As you can see, he's a rather testy pontiff. I'm guessing it was just the jet lag. Anyway, I was told to mention that His Holiness will be signing copies of his cookbook at Barnes & Noble this Saturday from 2 to 4. Y'all come on down, ya hear??


17 comments:

karla said...

I know how you feel. Some days I can't think of any good blog topics, either.

marky said...

that pope sounds a little testes....yeah i bet one day you be hangin' with the pope...

Inchy said...

Dear Dyckerson,
I've been to the Pope's house, and was forced, almost at gunpoint, to wear paper trousers.
So just to clarify, it's wrong to show your ankles, but ok to buttfuck small children??

I'm confused

Yours truly
Misguided Deviant (Scotland)

catscratch diva said...

I fear lightning would strike if I got too close to anyone in such high favor with the Big Guy.

Sassy Blondie said...

I am outraged! You ridcule the Holy Father and don't even confess your dirty sins to him??

I don't even know you anymore...

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Ms. Babble - You are so right. If only I was blessed a son like yours who ate his own feces, I'd have plenty of top-notch material. Maybe someday...

Marky - It's up to him. The balls are in his court.

Inchy - Watch your language, this is a family blog! You can't say buttfuck here. Use ass rape instead.

Diva - Stand next to a metal flag pole. You'll be fine.

The Middle Lifer said...

A picture of that dude is way better than any Devil picture I could ever show my son to scare the crap outta him.

sputnick said...

Mighty Dyckerson, it is conceivable that quite a number of people were wildly entertained by this post, but are you not at all afraid of alienating your many Roman Catholic readers? Bear in mind, many of them are still suffering from trauma caused by abuse during childhood.

Pud said...

I had some of his pope beer in Germany. It tastes like death warmed over! So there is no way I'd try a receipe out of his cookbook.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Sassy - Dyckerson is a saint, not a sinner!

Lifer - Come on, don't tell me you wouldn't kill for a hat like that.

Spitnack - Don't use the word "conceivable" when you're talking about the pope...

Pud - Pope beer? Did you drink a VI pack or a XII pack??

Jake Titus said...

What does a priest and a Dodger Dog have in common?


6" weiner in a ten year old bun.

Beth said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Jake Titus is funny.....maybe I should read him instead of you, huh?

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I'm fucked. I was told it was at Border's.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

J. Tit - I don't get it.

Beth - Go on then. Who needs you??!

Snake - Borders is for protestants. Don't you know anything??

ann said...

You are a sick,sick man but that was pretty funny. I laughed my ass off.

Inchy said...

Arsehole!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

The arsehole is gone!