2/17/2008

The RETURN of Miracle Ass!!!

First, a quick update on my cracked windshield. Last Thursday, the Safe-Lite Glass Co. sent a flunkie to my office to restore DyckMobile I to its former glory. It is now crack-free and as good as new. And for those of you keeping score, I was ass raped for a whopping $212.00 cash. I hope it was good for them, 'cause it sure as hell wasn't good for me.

Now I'd like to shift gears and talk about a crack of a different color. I'm talking, of course, about the one and only MIRACLE ASS!!!* Sightings of this magnificent specimen have been rather rare of late. But last week I managed to capture what may be the MOST VIVID PHOTO YET of this most bodacious of booties. And now, without further ado, it's time to unveil the newest Miracle Ass photo! BEHOLD!!



Oops, that's the wrong ass. How'd that get in there?? Ah, here it is! The one.....the only.....MIRACLE ASS!!!




Not only is this the clearest, brightest picture to date...but if you closely at the lower right quadrant of the picture, you'll see none other than BARE SKIN!! Yes, much of the ass is obscured by the seat of the chair and the white garment draped on its backside, but the part of the ass that is visible is also practically NAKED!!! Now ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask you: Is that an ass or is that an ASS??! WOWEEEEEE!!!

And do NOT even get me started on that outfit! Note the tight low-rise jeans...the equally tight pink t-shirt-like item hugging (most) of her upper torso...and the unbuttoned sweater object providing virtually NO coverage whatsoever!!! Put it all together, and you've got a woman who is clearly ready for SERIOUS POON ACTIVITY! And Dyckerson is just the man to give her some!!

Of course, I cannot rush into this. I must proceed with utmost caution, for any wrong moves could destroy my chances of acquiring the Miracle Ass. Once again, I must call upon my faithful readers for guidance. What is my best strategy for obtaining the elusive M.A.?? Speak now!! Time is of the essence!!!


* You may read more about MIRACLE ASS here and here.


27 comments:

UBERMOUTH said...

That's not ass cleavage you MAN! That's the lower part of her back.
God I bet a nice pair of ears gets you all quivering! :)

BUMBLE!!! said...

Make sure that your karma points are intact and go from there.

When the universe is ready to give you miracle ass, then it will happen.

As for when yours becomes the miracle ass, perhaps you should come with KY and breathing lessons. Then perhaps you can lie back and think of England and it will all be over soon.

puerileuwaite said...

Sometimes the solution was there all along. One that you provided yourself. In fact, a careful examination of the first picture in this post yields the very answers that you seek.

The key is to lure the unsuspecting victim out to the desert. Call it a hunch, but I suspect you may have some experience in this department.

Then you need to rent (over the burro's ear ... what appears to be part of) a hot air balloon. You will also require approximately 5-muchachos and two battle-hardened roosters. Then - finally - you need the donkey itself.

Jake Titus said...

Build a large deadfall snare (Google it) and bait with Jell-O shots. I suggest lime, in my opinion it attracts the miracle asses the best. If done correctly, the wild miracle ass will be incapacitated in short order. Then do with it as you wish. If not mechanically inclined, use a tazer gun. It's just as efficient but fore-warned the MA tends to scream more.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Uber - I know it's not technically ass cleavage, but it's the part of the extreme lower back which is directly adjacent to the Miracle Ass. And that's close enough as far as I'm concerned.

Bumble - I do not possess a Miracle Ass...and if I did, you can rest assured that I'd keep it under lock and key.

P - Where the fuck am I going to get two roosters? Good cocks are hard to come by in these parts!

J. Tit - I prefer the tazer approach. I hate to waste good Jell-O.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Just tell her you've been secretly taking pictures of her ass and posting them for your blog buddies. I'm sure she'll be flattered, and then you'll be waxing that miracle ass.

Jake Titus said...

Shop at costco. I bet you could get a half gallon of Bacardi and 400 boxes of jello for about 8.99. But then again, the tazer does sound mildly amusing. Yeah, go with the tazer. . .

Tyler Durden said...

1. I got ass fucked and double penetrated last month with over 400 bucks of new windshield. I must have a nicer ass than you.

2. Nice Miracle ass! Tell her that in the infinite wisdom of the Mighty Dyck, you have learned that it is very important for women the get their prostate gland checked. When she has her pants down to her ankles for her medical exam and while she is not watching, BAM! Jam the Might Dyck in there! Hold on for dear life! Don't let go!!! Tell her it's the most important part of the exam.!

3. Is the Miracle ass in the Dyckmobile?

Stan Bull said...

Here in the Third World, the ass is a much prized friend to one and all.In some countries, such as those where the Bible was written, it is a fine large creature, and the people use it for riding.The ass is very gentle and patient, and does not seem angry even when it has a heavy load to handle.
Thank you and good night.

Willo Keays said...

Stan - always full of English wisdom. Speaking of English men ... were did Simon Cowell go?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Dr. K - Sounds crazy, but it just might work!!!

J. Tit - Costco? You mean the same place that sells mayonnaise in 10-gallon drums??

Tyler - Wow, the prostate exam sounds a lot like the Mighty Dyckerson pap smear!

Stan - I'm not sure about the Third World asses - all those flies buzzing about...

Willo - Simon went to butter his scone.

tfg said...

I'm going to reveal one of my tried and true pickup lines here. Just walk up to her and say, "Drop your drawers and I'll be yours."

The Middle Lifer said...

To attain the MA, one must be willing to flaunt the Miracle Wallet. This usually will make MA's go crazy and go into MA heat. Drop a fat wallet or money clip in front of MA, then tell her what great time you are planning this week at several clubs. This will entice MA to come and abscond with free drinks from Miracle Wallet. Enough hopefully to attain MA mounting status.

ADW said...

It must be some ass because I didn't think you had the attention span to drool over something for that long without getting some of it.

CatScratch Diva said...

Very nice ass, both of them.

sputnick said...

It's a miracle alright because it's a half-decent ass and the owner is white. Now, what do white girls go for? Poetry, I guess, or a hand-mixed CD with ballads, that sort of gay stuff. However, I should caution that something much admired should never be acquired. The pleasure of admiring it will be lost forever, and judging from the posts, that would be a big loss indeed.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Dr. Ken stole my idea. Other than that, tell her "Men are bastards." It pretty much almost worked for me last weekend in NYC.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

TFG - I thought you were dead!

Lifer - I already drained my wallet taking care of one crack. I don't think I can afford a second one.

ADW - Well I'm still talking to you, aren't I??

Diva - You know quality ass when you see it!

Spatneck - A mix CD?? Fuck that, I'll buy her an iPod.

Cherry - Yeah, but I'm trying to score FEMALE ass here...

Scary Monster said...

Could it be that the Mighty one is finally going to be able to ride the miracle ass.

Which ass will he ride and will he be fucked over by his urologist shortly thereafter....

Insipid minds want to know.

STOMP.

~ Stacy ~ said...

Might I suggest, first of all, that you never, ever let Miss MA know about your hidden camera. She might find that slightly perverted. Some women are fragile like that.

Secondly, try being yourself, you dork. Yeesh. If she doesn't love the real Mr. Dyckerson, then the poon ain't worth it.

Yeah, I know. That was a totally female thing to say and it didn't help on iota.

At least I didn't give you some lame pick up line to use.

Beth said...

dyck...you are totally creepin me out....

Sassy Blondie said...

I have no comment.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Monster - You're back??! I thought you had died and gone to lizard heaven! SPLAT!!

Stacy - You want me to be myself? How dumb do you think I am??

Beth - Tell me something I don't know.

Sassy - I know how you feel. That ass is just too magnificent for words, isn't it?

sputnick said...

No, no, an iPod, or even an Onkyo TX-SR505S, would have no effect whatsoever. An iPod would make a GUY happy. Give it to Stan. A typical woman, meanwhile, would appreciate a CD because it is romantic. She will appreciate the time you spent selecting the songs and the message conveyed by the lyrics. An iPod is a gadget, not a romantic gesture. Meanwhile, a selection of songs including perhaps some Marvin Gaye and Barry White tracks, is highly romantic. (If you must, you may also include one Eagles track but don't go overboard.)

sputnick said...

P.S. Start wearing paisley shirts, without being self-conscious about it. Don't get caught dead in a sweater. Communicate by listening, not by talking, and learn how to smile while looking mildly hurt and skeptical at the same time. Do all this and the M/A is yours. It's about time the Dyck got some ass. I'm worried about carpal tunnel syndrome interfering with his blogging output, which has been meagre as of late. Good luck!

~ Stacy ~ said...

You're dumb?

Wow. Sorry, Mr. Dyckerson. I never knew. You hide it well.

Effortlessly Average said...

Here's what you do.

Tell her you fear the CIA is trying to take control of your penis and you need a good place to hide it. That works for me every time.