2/02/2008

Party Time!

I.T. geeks sure know how to party. I learned this fact recently at my company's first (and hopefully last) annual employee appreciation luncheon. This is management's way of rewarding us for our hard work in lieu of actually giving us cash. We give them a third of our lives, they give us two slices of cold pizza and a styrofoam cup filled with flat soda. Yeah, that seems about right.

The festivities took place Thursday at noon in conference room 8...because everyone knows when it comes to parties, conference room 8 is where it's at. It comes fully equipped with tables, chairs, a speaker phone, and a white board - everything you need to get your freak on. And did we ever! Man, we rocked that place for ONE WHOLE HOUR before returning to our cubicles in an orderly fashion to continue working on our deliverables.

Wireless Willy got the party started by whipping out his smart phone and checking the weather forecast. Sunny and cool, with a chance of evening showers. Way to go, Willy! You rock!! Meanwhile, Finicky Fred was busy removing undesirable toppings from his pizza and carefully placing them on his napkin. Homeboy got some mad mushroom pickin' skillz, yo!!

Next, it was time for Conspicuous Consumption Carl to take the floor. (We call him "CC to the C.") He had us all riveted with his story about moving his 50 inch plasma screen to his bedroom to make room for a 65 inch DLP projector in his den. But then Waldo the One-Upper shook things up when he revealed plans to install a 70 inch mega screen in his living room. CC to the C was not at all pleased, and for a moment, it looked like a fight might break out. But thankfully, Rotundra the morbidly obese security officer was standing by with her incident report forms. Big mama be keepin' the peace in da hood!!

Just when we thought things couldn't get more exciting, Joystick Johnny took the tech talk in a whole new direction when he started describing in great detail how he rigged his X-Box to rip copies of his favorite DVDs. Everything from soldering motherboards to installing new chipsets - that mofo be pimpin' it old school!!

By now, the ladies were starting to loosen up. Lemon Lime Linda started tossing back shots of Diet Sprite while Domestic Darlene was slam dunking paper plates in the trash can and wiping the pizza oil off the tables. Bitch knows how to work a paper towel! You go, girl!!

Seems like the action was just getting hot when our hour was up. My how time flies! It was such a shame to see the hilarious hijinks come to a halt. This was undoubtedly one of those legendary parties we'll be texting our grandkids about someday.

Please shoot me.

16 comments:

Dixie said...

BANG!

Sassy Blondie said...

I think it might be far more interesting as to what your role in this motley crew might be, hmm?

Were you the videographer so that you all could relive this raging party once you burned everyone their own personal DVD copy?

I'll send you my gun...with instructions on it's use.

Wirthy said...

Those conference room 8 parties are legendary. Legendary!

sputnick said...

This is yet another landmark post in which Dyckerson showed his multicultural side, but it is surprising that the manic monkey didn't burst out and shove Wireless Willy's cellphone down his (Willy's) throat, ram Fred's face into the pizza, or slam CC to the C against the whiteboard. We hope Mighty Dyckerson isn't feeling indisposed.

P.S. Which was better, the bowling alley or the conference room?

Stan!! said...

Dixie, that profile picture does you credit,hun.
Dyck, might I suggest that you spend more time in the company of clinically dead people rather than the living dead.....

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Holy mother of God!

Did a game of Dungeons and Dragons break out? Did you role high dexterity points?

Wait, that was nerdy. Shoot me instead.

The Middle Lifer said...

Yo biatch, go get yo gat and do it right homey. Tween the eyes man. Sheet, where you hidin, I come gat you're ass for you mofo. True, true....

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Dixie - Bang??

Sassy - I'm glad you asked! I was having sex with an intern in the storage closet.

Wirthy - Amen! Take that, you conference room 7 losers!!

Spitneck - I'd have to go with the bowling alley. At least there was beer.

Stan - In my office, it's hard to tell the difference.

Dr. K - That's a negative on the D & D. They couldn't get the controller to work.

Lifer - I couldn't agree more. A lower funds rate will help stave off a possible wave of delinquencies and foreclosures that are bound to occur over the balance of this year and throughout next year as monthly payments on numerous variable rate mortgages reset to higher levels. This will not only enable these subprime buyers to hang onto their homes - it will also improve the quality of the securities that were created from these loans, yo.

marky said...

Word up

Sassy Blondie said...

So by "intern", you mean yourself?

UBERMOUTH said...

Wonder what they are saying about the ungrateful, miserable clown on their blogs?

I think this shows how hard you work and how much you are appreciated.

Diva said...

The only thing that could have made it worse is Kandy Karaoke.... She was the live one at our last company HoDown.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Sassy - Watch it, woman!

Uber - That shows how much you know. I don't work hard at all. Quite the opposite, in fact.

Diva - At least Kandy puts out. She put the Ho in HoDown.

puerileuwaite said...

Count your blessings. Or better yet, run a metrics report to analyze them. You see, I heard a rumor that Conference Rooms 1 thru 7 all had Clown-eating tigers in them, just waiting for you to open the door.

Effortlessly Average said...

Rotundra?

I think I banged her in college.

karla said...

Send me the link to your coworkers' blogs so I can read what they said about you. I bet you were WAY more boring than they were.