2/06/2008

A Dyck In Every Pot

The time has come for me to rejuvenate my campaign for president! I know I have been absent from all the primaries and debates and what not, but there is good reason for that. You see, I've been strategically planning for the exact right moment to resurface. And now that the other candidates are dropping like flies, that moment has arrived! So dust off your "I LICK DYCK" buttons and fasten your seatbelts, 'cause it's gonna be a wild ride to the White House!!!


Now before I begin the heavy campaigning, I need to set the record straight on a few issues. First off, I have taken a lot of flack for my a recent interview with Jugs magazine in which I was quoted as saying I was in favor of ethnic cleansing. Yes, it is true. I did say that. I just don't see what the big controversy is. I don't care what country you're from or what your religious beliefs may be...TAKE A FUCKING SHOWER!!!

Then there was the whole sex scandal involving me and a certain other blogger. I wish to state categorically and undeniably, I DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH THAT WOMAN, SASSY BLONDIE. Believe me, it wasn't for lack of trying. I have attempted to seduce her with romantic gifts and authentic Italian cuisine, but I never got past first base. Hell, I never even got out of the dugout. This chick is hard to please!

While we're on the subject, I want to come clean regarding my oral intercourse with homersexual blogger Cherry Ride. It only happened once, and it meant nothing to me...and more importantly, I DID NOT SWALLOW. Okay, I may have gargled for a few seconds, but that doesn't count!!!

And finally, a brief comment about the foot tapping incident in the airport men's room. I wasn't trying to solicit sex. I was only squashing a bug. I know I shouldn't have pleaded guilty to the sex charges, but I didn't want PETA on my back for being an insect killer. I JUST CAN'T WIN!!!

This just in...I have just been handed a note by my Secretary of International Affairs, Mr. Stan Bull. Looks like a Wikipedia entry about ethnic cleansing. Hmm...let's see here...wow, that sucks...geez...holy shit! Boy, I was way off base on that one! Okay, I am officially reversing my position on the ethnic cleansing. My bad!!!



27 comments:

Sassy Blondie said...

Perhaps you've been going about it all wrong...I can refer you to the appropriate therapist. ;)

Besides...nothing worth having was ever easy...

Sassy Blondie said...

Where's my exciting prize??

Mighty Dyckerson said...

I've got an exciting prize for ya...in my PANTS!!!

Stan!! said...

Compared to the conspicuous absense of accomplishment being offered by the empty suits that the Dems and GOP are presenting to America, Mighty Q Dyckerson (“the clown from Dyckersonville”) looks like a powerhouse by comparison.

This man has run message boards and blogs for God’s sake!!!Neither Dem/Rep empty suit has ever run anything, so now they are suddenly qualified to run America? America deserves better. Its time to change channels and turn-off their sorry Soap Opera.

It’s time for Dyck! Up and at ‘em, Dyck! Up and at ‘em!

Pud said...

Please get out there and start campaigning! Don't let Hilary win!!!!

The Middle Lifer said...

I just can't do it, to run around saying, "I Like Dyck", just too homosexual sounding for me. I can't go there, sorry. "I Like Might" that would work though.....though that sounds like a 'hood term to me too.

Kadonkadonk said...

I like Mighty Dyck, regualr dyck is just so-so.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I think we can spin all these events in your favor. As for the Cherry incident, I find a catchy, Johnny Cochran-like phrase is always good: "A mouth's a mouth."

sputnick said...

I agree that Mr Dyckerson would make a fine and entertaining president, perhaps even as fine and entertaining as the incumbent. However, I have misgivings. Wouldn't a stint as president and commander in chief interfere with Dyckerson's blogging activities? I for one am strongly opposed to Mr Dyckerson's foray into politics. I need something to read when I get into the office.

MsPuddin said...

I will so Lick your Dick, DIck!

MsP

Beth said...

well, I won't lick you dyck, but I will vote for you...i think...what's your stand on smoking weed for medicinal purposes?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Stan - Amen! This Dyck is standing up for democracy! Vote for Dyck, or you'll get the shaft!

Pud - I don't think you have anything to worry about. No way in hell could she keep that fake smile plastered on her face for four years.

Lifer - Then lucky for you, it's not "I Like Dyck.". It's "I LICK Dyck." Say it with pride!!

Donkadonkadonk - Would you like to biggie size your Dyck?

Dr. K - Excellent! I'm making you my new Press Secretary. Now iron my pants!

Spatnuck - Fear not! I have over 500 posts stockpiled in anticipation of my election.

Ms. P - Step into my Oral Orifice and debrief me!

Beth - I maintain a strict "Smokem If U Gotem" policy on that issue.

Effortlessly Average said...

So if we support you, do we actually have to LICK you? Cuz that might make me change my mind. Still, it can't be worse than licking Hillary. I swear, I'll never eat tuna again.

Oh, and nice change of pic on the header. Does that mean you've got your ass in the air?

Diva said...

I'd have went down for tapping before getting spanked by the PETA nazis.

They are not to be trifled with.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

How come the seat on that toilet is in the horizontal position? Don't your ever take a piss?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Eff - To know me is to lick me, my friend.

Diva - I guess you could say PETA is a real PITA! Get it? PETA?? PITA???

Snake - Yeah, I'm just to lazy to raise the seat.

cyberhostage said...

I have to disagree with you on the ethnic cleansing. Every time I need to use the shitter at work, Consuela is cleaning the damned thing.

Willo Keays said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Willo Keays said...

So where's campaign head-quarters? Let's get this show on the road!

puerileuwaite said...

Jeez, judging by the foot in that shot, there's ALREADY a willing potty pal waiting before you even squat down!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Hostage - Somebody cleans your shitter?? Wow, what's that like??

Willo - We're renting an efficiency at the Motel 6. We'll leave a light on for you.

P - That's what I call service!

Jake Titus said...

Will medicinal Marijuana help the dry skin on my elbows? If so, you got my vote Dyck! Vote Dyck, or get the dong!!!

Tyler Durden said...

Ethnic cleansing is good! Wash those ethnic dirty mother fuckers. I'm with ya.... Where do I get my button!?

BUMBLE!!! said...

Maybe you could get another button going...

"For the good of the country, put Dyck deep in the oval office."

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Jake - You can try rubbing some on there, but I doubt it will help.

Tyler - Just print out this post and cut out the circle, and tape it to your shirt. Voila! Instant button!

Bumble - You'd need an awfully large button for that...

rob rob the party slob said...

What a pussy... I liked your for president right up untill you went all wishy washy on the ethnic cleansing issue. Whether I agree or not I respected the firm stance on a critical issue. politicians are all pussies

Beth said...

where the heck ar ya? Hitting the campaign trail?