1/21/2008

Ball Busters

I may have to move to another state. That was my initial reaction upon reading this article published yesterday in the Richmond Times-Disgrace. The General Assembly, Virginia's legislative body, is considering enacting several ludicrous laws. Read on.....


HJ76 -- A resolution recognizing the town of Independence in Grayson County as the "Official Home of the Grand Privy Race" in Virginia. The privies -- also known as toilets -- are placed on wheels and raced down the town's Main Street in October during the annual Mountain Foliage Festival.

This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of. When people around these parts think of shitters, they automatically think of Dyckerson. Therefore if any town should serve as the "Official Home of the Grand Privy Race," it should be GOOD OLD DYCKERSONVILLE!


HB533 -- Makes it a traffic offense for a motorist to drive with a pet in his lap.

Excuse me??! Cell phones are OK, but pets are a no-no? As a taxpaying American, it is my GOD GIVEN RIGHT to cruise the streets with a pussy in my lap ANY DAMN TIME I PLEASE. Big Brother needs to STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY CROTCH!!!


HB1452 -- Bans the display of trailer-hitch ornaments that resemble bull testicles.

This is really a slap in the face. Or maybe that should be a teabag in the face. Regardless, the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution GUARANTEES my right to free speech. Our forefathers FOUGHT AND DIED so I could hang a SACK OF RUBBER NUTS from my vehicle without fear of retaliation, and now these assholes want to take that freedom away??


HB334 -- Makes stealing a cat a felony.

Now they've gone too far. Why should cat burglars be treated so harshly?? Let's face it, not everybody can afford a good pussy. Sometimes we have to resort to extreme measures to obtain one. It doesn't mean we're bad people. It just means we're DESPERATE FOR PUSSY. And gentlemen, haven't we all been there at one time or another??



Rest assured, if any of these laws are enacted in Virginia, I'm getting the hell out. And I'm taking my pussy and my balls with me!



27 comments:

Stan!! said...

All I can say is this is just nuts.Yorktown, Virginia is where Freedom began. Is Richmond, Virginia where Freedom will end?

It starts with banning representations of buttocks and before you know it...they'll be banning Hooters from advertising.

I fully expect in the near future we'll have to go out and put underwear on bulls, dogs, horses, and Dyckerson so no "children" will see their testicles.....

__________________

Patti said...

On HB334, I think they're just trying to tighten any loopholes that exist within current legislation. Some dude was probably accused of rape and he claimed he was just out stealing kitty and since there wasn't a law against it they had to let him go.

You can come live in Oklahoma if you need to Dyck. 'Round here you can drive your nut-dangler while transporting some stolen kitty on your lap and nobody judges you. You actually get bonus points if you're related!

Sassy Blondie said...

I see nothing wrong with these proposed laws! What the hell? Balls and pussies in/on motor vehicles offer dangerous distractions that can maim and cause death.

And frankly, leave your pussy at home. It's bad enough you show your balls in public!

sputnick said...

Catnapping should definitely not be a crime. I do it all the time.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Stan - Yes, it's part of our No Child's Left Behind program.

Patti - I don't buy it. That pussy was asking for it.

Sassy - Come on, we need something to stare at during red lights! Bumper stickers are so yesterday!

Spitneck - Why not? It's a victimless crime.

UBERMOUTH said...

That's a lovely picture of he kitty. Where have I seen that before? YES< I AM a thief.

marky said...

virginia looks like a weird place. people riding shitters.

RevRee said...

You have a puss and balls? Seriously I Gotta see THAT!!!

Wirthy said...

I'm afraid that this could leave hundreds of testicle models unemployed.

Robot Zombie Vampire said...

It's interesting that they would consider enacting a whole new series of laws, all thanks to you. Either interesting or flattering, depending on who you are.

Kadonkadonk said...

What the hell is wrong with that guy on the shitter? He's about to veer horribly off course...

The Middle Lifer said...

Read the article, what the fuck, Jerry Falwell Parkway? Now I know seen it all, somebody just shoot me and put me outta my misery....

Webmiztris said...

disturbingly enough, I want to see a picture of your puss and balls too!

Diva said...

Bull balls should be banned. Driving with ya pussy is just fine though.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Uber - Pussy pilferer!

Marky - They're great on gas.

RevRee - This isn't the time or the place.

Wirthy - You're right, they'll probably all get sacked.

McFatty - Don't be ridiculous. I've never had a pussy in my life.

Kadunkadink - I hope he doesn't leave skid marks.

Lifer - Yep, it runs parallel to the Pat Robertson Turnpike.

Miz - You've seen my puss and balls before! Don't you remember that night of passion at the Route 5 Motor Lodge?

Diva - That's sex discrimination!

BUMBLE!!! said...

Apparently, it's still ok to drive with bull balls in PA.

That said, cat thievery is frowned upon - you can run 'em over, but you can't steal 'em.

puerileuwaite said...

You have to commend the ass-wipes from "Independence in Grayson County", for putting a reverse-flush on the concept of a town "going down the shitter".

However, since Virginia IS in the Northern Hemisphere, shouldn't those turds be swirling in the opposite direction?

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I want that nutt-sack trailer hitch in the worst way. I'd wear mine as a necklace.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Bimble - One out of two ain't bad. When can I move in with you?

P - It's fine if you look at the picture in a mirror.

Dr. K - Why don't you hang it from a baseball cap? You'll get teabagged every time you wear it.

marky said...

They're great on gas!! Hahahahaha! The toilets the people are riding are great on GAS! Brilliant Dyck!LOL ROTFL LOL

UBERMOUTH said...

hahahahahahahahaha
If you think that is bad.........

Pud said...

And I thought the state of Kentucky had some jacked up laws.

Effortlessly Average said...

"And gentlemen, haven't we all been there at one time or another??"

Hell, I'm there NOW!

Diva said...

Admit it Dyck. Balls are NOT pretty.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Always figured you had a pussy.

Jake Titus said...

The real question here is "who the hell owns that truck"? Because I'm not sure if I'm more disturbed by the dangling rubber bull testicles or the sign asking people to eat more possums.

Aza said...

Ball busters! You wanna talk about ball busters? So have I permanently been picked off of your affiliates list? Geez! What do I have to do to get back in your good graces?