12/04/2007

Ode to Sassy Blondie

And now, without further ado, the world premiere of my latest literary masterpiece...Ode to Sassy Blondie!!!



I once met a blogger
She was blonde and quite sassy
Her boobs were real perky
And she had a nice assy

She likes to wear pants
That are made out of flannel
We make out on the Internets
While I watch the porn channel

We chit and we chat
And I try to seduce her
But my sexual advances
Only serve to amuse her

This chick whom I know
Who is blonde and quite sassy
Has a heart that's as big
As all of Tallahassee

She hangs out in bookstores
With rude, horny gays
Their groping disgusts her
But she watches anyways

She goes to wild parties
To drink and to dance
She sends out text messages
Yet her phone's in her pants

Catholic is this chick
Who is blonde and quite sassy
She flirts with her priest
During midnight massy

The boys in her school
Graze against her heaving chest
They play with their wankers
And imagine her undressed

She was once almost killed
By a drunk in a Fury
Would've shot his dumb ass
If she hadn't been in a hurry

Did I mention that this chick
Who is blonde and quite sassy
Is a hell of a baker
And as sweet as molassy?

She made me a batch
Of chocolate chip cookies
I ate them all up
And I gave her some nookie

We're thinking of moving
To the city of Denver
But it's already too cold
And it's only December

Another thing about this chick
Who is blonde and quite sassy
She was stalked by a psycho -
Charged him with sexual harassy

We'll have a quick wedding
And a long honeymoon
She'll service my wang
And I'll lick her sweet poon

We'll marry and settle
And have dozens of kids
They'll wear out her hoo-ha
And they'll all die of SIDS

I'm in love with a blogger
Who is blonde and quite sassy
She beat me at dominoes
But her act is real classy


29 comments:

UBERMOUTH said...

Awwww That's wonderful . I loved the way you rhymed everything with sassy.
YOU are a very clever little clown aren't you?

I still hate clowns though. :(

Krissie said...

That is one of the sweetest things I've ever read.
You disappointed me, Dyck.

karla said...

This would be so creepy if you were heterosexual.

Effortlessly Average said...

"She'll service my wang
and I'll lick her sweet poon."

"they'll wear out her hoo-ha
and all die of SIDS."


You sweet talker you! No wonder all the chicks want you.

Ryan said...

If I hadn't known you wrote this I would have thought it was Yeats.

The HOR blogger said...

"This chick whom I know
Who is blonde and quite sassy
Has a heart that's as big
As all of Tallahassee"

Damn right, Dyck. Damn Right.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Disappointed that I had to read a dozen stanzas before getting to the poon.

Stan!! said...

It is impossible in short form to do justice to the density and complexity of Dyck's poetical talents. So I won't bother.

Stan!! said...

But I will say that with his tart, skeptical eye, Mr Dyckerson constructs a vivid narrative of twenty-first century American social mores that is at once heartbreaking and gorgeously observed.

Stan!! said...

And there's poon too!

The Middle Lifer said...

Revree is going to be so pissed, you dissed her and your 2, soon to be 3, untendered offspring...

You get like this over a box of cookies, what do you do when its a hotbox of poon?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Uber - It's amazing how clever one can be while pursuing poon.

Krissie - Play your cards right, and someday YOU may get a poem.

Ms. Babble - Shouldn't you be taking a pregnancy test or something??

Avg - I know, it's a gift.

Ryan - Yeats? Isn't that the stuff you put in bread to make it rise??

Hor - Don't tell me you're in love with her too!

Cherry - Every performer knows you don't start out with your "A" material.

Stan - Wow, you lymies sure do talk pretty!

Willo Keays said...

I have tears in my eyes. Our little Dyckums is in love!!!

Does that mean I can't stalk you anymore?

Sassy Blondie said...

I'm speechless...no really, I am.

ADW said...

I need a birthday post. I am jealous.

RevRee said...

When I read this, a little pee pee came out...

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Willo - No, you can't stalk me any more. You can't stalk me any less either. HA! See what I did there??

Ms. Blondie - Make me some more cookies. It'll calm you down. ;)

ADW - I got a birthday post for ya right here, in my PA... Shit, I can't do that anymore. I belong to Sassy!

Rev - Stop drinking so much water.

Maven said...

"Poetry to defecate to."

We'll have a quick wedding
And a long honeymoon
She'll service my wang
And I'll lick her sweet poon


I tell ya, when I read that verse, my taint twitched involuntarily.

Thanks for the twitchin'.

marky said...

You had better stick to pooping in corners.

Sudiegirl said...

Lovely poetry...truly inspired.

You still didn't answer the "who took the pic of you puking" question...

sputnick said...

Of course, the way to preserve the sweetness and aching tenderness of the moment would be to get run over by a truck tomorrow, or better yet have somebody run her over with a truck, thus saving you both from the mind-numbing boredom which inevitably arises out of prolonged domestic cohabitation.

Divalicious said...

Excellent! Quite the poet, ya are.
Congrats on the true love!

BottleBlonde said...

Get a room.

BUMBLE!!! said...

Your female readers will never realize how much you do for them.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Maven - You might want to get that looked at.

Marky - Who says I can't do both?

Sudie - That would be my brother, Dwight E. Dyckerson.

Speetnoock - That was a long sentence.

Diva - Who the hell are you?

Bot - I can't! I have to share my love with the world!

Bumble - That's women for you. They never appreciate the sacrifices made by the better sex.

Divalicious said...

I'm a sarcastic bitch who was created in your likeness.

I fell in here not long ago, on the day you serenaded your lady. I fell in quite by accident.

~ Stacy ~ said...

She baked you cookies? Oh, what a clever woman.

Nice bit of prose, Mr. Dyckerson. I liked the ending.

~ Stacy ~ said...

She baked you cookies? Oh, what a clever woman.

Nice bit of prose, Mr. Dyckerson. I liked the ending.

~ Stacy ~ said...

Is there an echo in here?

And by the way...

Karla's comment was seriously funny!