11/18/2007

Virginia is for Bloggers

And now, a message from Mighty Dyckerson, ambassador and unofficial spokesdyck for the Commonwealth of Virginia Board of Tourism...

Virginia is a state rich in history and natural beauty. Founded in 1776 by Virginius W. Cornholio, it is home to over 10,000 people and nearly 400 species of wildlife*. The economy is thriving**, the crime rate is low***, and the job market is strong****. Bottom line, Virginia is a terrific place to live...especially if you're a certain sassy blonde who is thinking about relocating and raising a family.

There is plenty to see and do in our fair state. You'll find endless beauty from the white sands of Virginia Beach.....








.....to the majestic peaks of the Blue Ridge Mountains.







Virginia is also home to historic Jamestown where you can buy postcards with pictures of gay homosexuals and clever captions that say "Visit Jamestown."






Another interesting fact about Virginia: TV's Andy Griffith once took a dump at a rest stop in Manassas while on his way home to North Carolina!






Let's say you're getting on in years and are nearing retirement age. Virginia's assisted living facilities are among the best in the nation!***** And you can die here knowing your body will be buried in some of the most fertile soil on the entire eastern seaboard!******

So what are you waiting for? Come one, come all to Virginia!!!



* These are rough estimates. Emphasis on ROUGH.
** Especially if you're in the illegal narcotics business.
*** If you don't count murders, thefts, and assaults.
**** McDonald's is always hiring.
***** OK, I completely made that one up.
****** Granted that's not saying much.



27 comments:

~ Stacy ~ said...

Virginia Beach, home of a certain Navy Seal that held a 16 year old's hand and kissed her under a moonlit, starry night while whispering sweet nothings in her ear.

Mind you, the asshat didn't bother to mention his wife at the time, nor was he sporting a ring while he romanced said minor.

Fuck Virginia (Beach).

~ Stacy ~ said...

Hey, I had the first comment. What's my prize... a lifetime supply of pork rinds?

I'll pass, thanks.

Sassy Blondie said...

That's it, Dyck! I've rented my U-Haul van and will see you in 5 days!

XOXO

Kadonkadonk said...

You're making me sad that I left Fairfax for Thanksgiving. What was I thinking?!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Stacy 1 - C'mon, you know the Navy's motto: Don't ask, don't tell!

Stacy 2 - You win a BRAND NEW 2008 FORKLIFT!!!

Blondie - Excellent! I won't be needing my inflatable doll anymore!

Kadunkadank - Who are we kidding? Fairfax is a shithole.

Little Lamb said...

I'll be right over!

karla said...

The biggest selling point for Virginia is the fact that YOU don't live there. I'd say that makes it a GREAT place to live, regardless of the sheep rape that goes on there.

BUMBLE!!! said...

With all the excitement of Virginia, one has to realize it was so overwhelming they divided it in half in the middle of the Civil War. I guess that says something.

And with all of those hypodermics, I would think you're advertising New Jersey - home of Jon Bon Jovi and the $1 charge to leave.

And you wonder how they keep all those wanna be New Yorkers chained in their nasty pens.

Fortunately though, you've got an interesting state... at least for the first 15 minutes of the drive from Front Royal down the Shenandoahs. After that, I can't wait to get to Tennessee.

Little Lamb said...

If what Karla says is true, I won't be coming anytime soon.

Bostick said...

Are you going to eat some turkey on Thursday?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Lambo - No ovines allowed.

Ms. Babble - Listen, chubs. It just so happens I do live in Virginia! You got a problem with that??!

Bumble - What the fuck is in Tennessee? Dollywood and some trailer parks??

Bistock - Coming from you, that just sounds dirty.

marky said...

What do a Tennessee Twister and a Tennessee divorce have in common? Somebody's gonna lose a trailer.

marky said...

Besides, all this time I thought you lived in Afghanistan...

Beth said...

Is your penis really 13 inches long?

Anonymous said...

You really got something going on with the Sassy Blonde? Or is it the Lamb or the Hor? What happened to Revree?

Damn, man! Share the wealth!

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Jamestwon turned me gay. That, and this blog.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Marky - You can't go wrong with a good trailer joke.

Beth - That's for you to know and me to find out.

Anon - A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell. Lucky for you I'm no gentleman. I'VE BEEN NAILING ALL OF THEM!!!

Cherry - My blog makes many people gay. Gay as in HAPPY! Gotcha didn't I??

puerileuwaite said...

I heard a rumor that Al Qaeda is now promising their recruits 72-Virginians each in the afterlife.

The Middle Lifer said...

Virginia is for Lovers.

Lovers of smog in Richmond,
Lovers of Richmonds crazy ass Mayor,
Lovers of droughts, we never seem to get out of,
Lovers of eating tainted Oysters from the Bay,
and most of all,
Lovers of trying to get the hell out of this state and live where they ain't so close to D.C. and the asshats there.

BUMBLE!!! said...

Pigeon Forge, TN, kicks ass!!
Long live Dolly and Porter.

UBERMOUTH said...

Do YOU live in Virginia?

Loved the line gay homosexuals.


I still hate clowns though....

Tyler Durden said...

You know what's fun to do in Virginia? Pack your shit and move the fuck out.

RevRee said...

is Virginia the same as Vigina?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

P - You're banned until you apologize for that "joke"...

Lifer - All good points. What's not to love??

Bumble - Porter's dead. Dolly's not far behind.

Uber - Why yes, as a matter of fact I do!

Tyler - Are you running from the cops again?

RevRee - No, although they both can be rather warm and humid.

Sassy Blondie said...

Did you just tell some anonymous person that you are "nailing" me and others?

Bad form, Dyckiepoo. Bad form.

I think I'll go and have myself a good cry now.....(not)

Effortlessly Average said...

Postcards with pictures of gay homosexuals? Is that redundant or are they really really happy? unlike those really morose homosexuals in West Virginia.

~ Stacy ~ said...

Motto smotto... I'll tell. Name, rank, upc code... I'd give up that bad boy in a heartbeat.

Hey, does the forklift come with heated seats?