11/06/2007

STRIKE!

There's a major crisis here at the headquarters of Mighty Blog. Last night at exactly 12:01am, my entire writing staff walked off the job complaining of low wages and poor working conditions. People, I am in shock here! I'm the greatest boss in the world! It even says so on the coffee mug I bought for myself from Target!

Low wages??! I pay each and every one of my writers in authentic "Dyck Dollars," which can be used to purchase a wide assortment of Mighty Dyckerson merchandise at the Mighty Blog Novelty Shoppe. For example, with their employee discount, writers can acquire one of my gently used condoms for only $90 Dyck Dollars! That's nearly 1% off the retail price!*

Poor working conditions??! WTF? My writers get relatively clean drinking water and two heaping bowls of rice every day...plus I personally hose down their cages at least once a month. Now while it is true that underperforming writers are subject to random tasing, I would hardly consider that a bad thing. So one guy died last week. The fans come first! Besides, how was I supposed to know the bastard had a fucking pacemaker??

Anyway, until we can get this misunderstanding cleared up, you may notice a few changes around here. First, there will be far fewer jokes about poon, poop, and Ms. Babble's illegitimate children. Instead, expect to read more jokes about Ovaltine, airplane peanuts, and Ms. Babble's sexual promiscuity.

In addition, I may occasionally have to resort to reusing old material. I will make every effort to ensure that these insertions are as seamless as possible. You probably won't even notice it. (Did I tell you about that tramp Ms. Babble?? Geez, does she ever get around!!)

And finally, many of my witty, satirical posts will be replaced by grainy cell phone pictures of Miracle Ass:




But fear not, Dyck fans! I have several bargaining tools at my disposal, and I am quite confident that we can negotiate a deal that is fair and just.....




* Not including 5% sales tax and 10% processing fee.

23 comments:

Sassy Blondie said...

So what's my prize?

Callmeproper said...

Just wanted to say hello, love your blog!

Willo Keays said...

Yeah Dyckie ... we loooooovvvvveeeee your little bloggie!!!!

marky said...

wtf that looks like a man ass.

Stan!! said...

Dyck, it starts with strikes and before you know it, the commies and the colored folks will be running the show in Dyckersonville. Damn it,You are wasting too much coin on that sorry ass work force of yours as it is...I have a suggestion: reduce cage sizes and abolish clothing. Or, you could just fire the whole bunch of ungrateful fuckers...and hire some prepubescent Mexican kids instead. Speak with Hor. She has good relations with Hispanic types....

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Sassy - Do I really have to answer that question? ;)

Prop - Thanks. I know you're not just saying that to get visitors to your blog.

Willo - Jealous!!!

Marky - You need to get your eyes checked. That ass is all girl.

Stan - They are Mexicans. Say what you will about them, but those spics know how to write poon jokes.

sputnick said...

Now this is what I'm talking about. The Dyck is BACK.

Effortlessly Average said...

After reading the first three paragraphs, it finally hit me: you're really Dick Cheney aren't you?!

OMG now it all makes sense! Somehow calling your Mightiness "the Dick" means so much more!

marky said...

I like these kinds of asses. I will give you the benefit of the doubt on this. It's a cellphone photo. I'm sure Dyck loves the feminine ass as much as I do.

Scary Monster said...

Give 'em the cannon Mr. Dyckerson.

Not only do you clean their habitat, you actually provide shelter fer the poor ungrateful beasts.

Is you sure that ass be perfect? Me don't know, it still gots jeans on.

STOMP.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Call me one this blog returns to its full poon-dom.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Avg - No, I never shot anybody in the face.

Marky - You have to see this ass in person to fully appreciate it.

Monster - Don't be disrespecting my Miracle Ass. SLAP!

The HOR blogger said...

What? You need workers? Shiiiiitt I can get you 20 in a half hour! Well, you'll have to wait 18 or so hours for them to sober up but after that they'll be ready!! If you need a 100+ it's no biggie but I'll need 48 hours. Sorry for the delay.

BottleBlonde said...

No more talk of poop and poon?! What kind of fucking joke is this? I'm outta here. *packs bags and moves to Stankonia*

Beth said...

"...gently used condoms..." that was really, really gross Dyck..even for you.

And THAT'S the miracle ass?! THAT?!!! Come on...you can do better than that!

marky said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BUMBLE!!! said...

But what about the DVD royalties? Miracle ass is so much nicer when you can freeze on it and enlarge it while it fills up a 42 plasma screen tv.

marky said...

Ass. Poon. You name it. She has it.

Pud said...

You have a staff?!? No wonder some of your posts are off the wall.

Time for sappy moment: I miss you Clown!

Sassy Blondie said...

Listen Dyckie, just bring in some "scabs" and get on with the show! Sure, the quality may be better, but you'll just have to live with that until you can woo your boys back....

puerileuwaite said...

Maybe you can add at least one benefit to the Comp Plan: use of the Miracle Ass to turn those lumps of coal into diamonds.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

HOR - Sorry, I don't hire illegals. The last one who worked for me stole all my lawn care implements and went into business for himself.

Bot - Fine, good riddance! We don't need you here anyway! (Can I call you?)

Beth - I wish I could.

Bumble - Shhh...Don't tell the writers I have a DVD. Then they'll really be pissed!

Marky - I hate to see women being exploited like that...especially when it's not me doing the exploiting.

Pud - Shouldn't you be looking for Osama?

Sassy - I'm not sure about the scabs. I do have some scabies though.

P - That ain't coal.

karla said...

I doubt anyone will notice how the strike impacts your blog. If the majority of your commenters are anything like me, they don't punish themselves by reading these boring posts. I just show up, make a penis joke, and leave.