11/29/2007

Fuck Candlelight Vigils

I have a few things to say about this Sean Taylor business. You know, the Redskins football player who got his ass capped by a supposed "burglar." Look, I'm sorry the dude died. That's gotta be a real bummer. I'm sure his family is really choked up about it, as they should be.

OK, now that we have the politically correct shit out of the way, tell me this. Why the fuck am I supposed to give a rat's ass about some JOCK STRAP FILLER who spent his free time HANGING OUT IN GANGS?? Take a look at this picture:


This guy was no saint. Grandpa Dyckerson had a saying for folks like him: "You sleep with dogs, you're gonna get fleas!" Grandpa Dyckerson also had another saying: "Fuck you, you fucking farting robots! Suck my dead pig!" Yeah, Grandpa Dyckerson wasn't right in the head. But that's another story.

My point is, I don't understand why everybody is bawling over Sean Taylor's death like he was the Pontiff. He didn't cure cancer. He didn't discover Uranus. Hell, he didn't even invent a longer lasting light bulb. All he did was get paid a RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF MONEY to run around a FUCKING FIELD chasing after an ODDLY SHAPED BALL. I get that he and his team had fans. What I DON'T get is how anybody with even ONE OUNCE OF SANITY can fill up their SUVs with gasoline at three bucks a gallon, drop another fifty on flowers and shit, and drive all the way to fucking ASHBURN to hold a fucking CANDLELIGHT VIGIL for this numbnut. Don't these idiots have anything BETTER TO DO with their time and money??!

Now before you accuse me of being an insensitive prick, keep this in mind: PEOPLE DIE EVERY DAY. Good, decent, hard-working people like you and me. Well, me at least. I'm talking about DOCTORS and NURSES and TEACHERS and PORN STARS and LEGGY SUPERMODELS and POP SINGERS and MONKEY CLOWN BLOGGERS. These are people who deserve our RESPECT and ADMIRATION. You don't see anybody erecting statues for us when we croak!

So stop fawning and drooling all over these JACKASS JOCKS like they're gods and show some appreciation for our REAL HEROES...



24 comments:

rob rob the party slob said...

where's my prize biatch... I couldn't agree with you more... antrell rolle a teammate of his at miami basically said he was targeted because he stopped hanging around people who were bad influences on him.... ya know what that sounds like to me... he tried to quit a gang... the only way you can do that is by dying.... I don't think I feel sorry for a dude that got paid a shit ton of money to play football then he got shot for hanging out with shady fuckers.... I applaud your ability to see through the politically correct bullshit

Tyler Durden said...

She is the real hero there. If we are not erecting a statue for her, we need to be erecting something. Anything.

marky said...

tyler durden said it. i'm erecting something for jenna right now.

now hear this! what if the mighty dyck 'passes'? god forbid. who shall alert us to the fact? I would hope that there will be a huge fucking wake with Eagles and ADW and the Babbler and alot of booze to drown our sorrow or party like 1999 or whatever.

Sassy Blondie said...

Gang-related shooting by pot-smoking, overpaid thug? I didn't even know he died.

puerileuwaite said...

Agreed. That's why we have 10,000 monkey masks on order, just to prepare for that glorious day. Then it's just a matter of distributing them nationally, so each one of your readers can place them over every clown face in each McDonald's and Jack-in-the Box drive-thru.

Then we shall gather for a "Viking's Funeral", where we set fire to the Dyckmobile with your body inside. Not only will it be a fitting tribute, but it will also destroy all evidence implicating us in your death.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Rob - That's crazy talk! Didn't you hear what the Redskins' PR department said? He was burgled!

Tyler - Are you talking about your penis??

Marky - I'll never really die. I have several clones of myself standing by just in case.

Sassy - No need to concern yourself with it. Just keep sending me baked goods. ;)

P - Destroy the DyckMobile??! Over my dead body!! Wait, never mind...

The Middle Lifer said...

Another gangbanger dead and we are supposed to be upset? I bet the folks he screwed over the years ain't upset. The kids he almost shot in drive-bys I am sure are not upset.

The other gang scum that have one less gun with them are the only one's upset. Good riddance to bad trash...out with the old, in with the new, its a New Year Year?

Can anoyone believe this rich football player had no security alarm on a house that was already broken in a few weeks earlier? Oh yeah, its a burglery...NOT. I wonder if they took his diamond earrings?

Scary Monster said...

Look, ya don't have to get on the man's case fer bein shot. Ya wanna know how hard it be fer jocks to make it? Just check this out.
Spurtssuperheroes.com

Ryan said...

More media attention should be spent on trying to return Jenna to that state instead of the current scarecrow with implants one we have now.

BUMBLE!!! said...

As long as you're not being politically correct, maybe we can discuss a history of violent deaths to "redskins."

http://www.iwchildren.org/

If you've noticed, the NFL hasn't made any definite statement on him since they're waiting for the thuglife bio to come up.

Amazing how you pay a guy millions and he can't stop keepin' it real in da hood.

Christie said...

For once, just once, I will agree with you. I even agree with Ryan. What the hell happened to Jenna?

UBERMOUTH said...

LOL@ 'my penis is currenly 11 inches long'....folded in half, no doubt.
Good post- for a clown :)

Mighty Dyckerson said...

The - Dammit, the comments aren't supposed to be better than the posts! Get the fuck out!!

Monster - NOW you're getting the hang of it...so to speak. SQUIRT!

Ryan - Wasn't she sweet and precious back then?

Bumble - Of course they haven't made a statement. They're waiting to see how the public reacts so they can react the exact same way.

Ms. McFatty - You know you always agree with me baby.

Ubermouth - You read that whole thing, and all you noticed was the comment link? You get the fuck out too!

The Middle Lifer said...

Gee Dycko, I was rambling there, 'scuse me...off to my blog to bash Ann Coulter.....

Krissie said...

Amen, Dyck.
Then again, I might just not care cuz I don't care about American football.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Has something happened to my Jenna?

BottleBlonde said...

Well said, Dyckerson. Well said.

Porn stars should be hailed as heroes, if not for their cock sucking ability, then for their acting skills.

MsPuddin said...

I think his girlfriend did it...but enough about him, I have a candlelight vigil to get to...

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Krissie - Of course you don't. The only sport in Croatia is chasing after the bales of rice air dropped by Americans.

Dr. K - You want me to ask her? She's right here.

Bot - That's true. Especially the guys.

Puddin - Waxing your legs again, are you?

Crashtest Comic said...

the butler did it.

sputnick said...

Dyckerson for President!

JD said...

How do you feel now after it has been shown that his past had NOTHING to do with his murder?? It was 4 young wannabe thugs who broke in not expecting him to be there, got spooked and fired a shot that took this extremely talented young mans life. Yes, people die every day, but you should be ashamed of your self for passing quick judgment on something as tragic as this.

Grant said...

Hail To The Redskins and Sean Taylor.

Anol Shalom Sean.

Anonymous said...

Live by the sword die by the sword,,,,,,I could give a shit about another nigger dead, I only wish he took 500,000 fucking spics with him