10/23/2008

The Legend of the Haunted Poon

In celebration of All Hallow's Eve, I shall present to you a tale so creepy, so eerie, so unspeakably terrifying, it's guaranteed to send chills up and down your sphinctor. And the spookiest part of all: It's loosely based on a true story. I strongly urge those of you with heart conditions to skip this post for your own protection.

Our story begins in the late 20th century in the heart of Texas, where lived a fair maiden named Sassilla Blondowski who was coming of age. Young Sassilla was horny and eager to be deflowered. She searched far and wide for a suitable mate with no success. Then fate stepped in and along came a strapping, well endowed lad named Dwight E. Mickerson. Sassilla was in love. A brief courtship ensued, and on a bright and sunny October day, Sassilla decided to take Dwight E. into her daddy's barn and show him her pumpkins. Dwight E. became instantly engorged, and soon the two of them were rolling around in the hayloft. Twenty seconds later, Mickerson was on the verge of climaxing when in walked Sassilla's father. In a fit of rage, the elder Blondowski grabbed a machette from a nearby hook and sliced off Mickerson's member at the base, leaving the remainder of his ample shaft lodged deep inside Sassilla's nether regions. Sassilla screamed in horror as the mortally wounded Mickerson bled to death before her very eyes.

Now here's where the really frightening part comes in. According to the legend, every month on the anniversary of Mickerson's death, Sassilla gets really cranky and bleeds uncontrollably from her poon for several days. Some say it's just PMS, and perhaps they're right. But maybe, just maybe, it's the ghost of Mickerson returning from the grave to haunt his one true love...forever staining her underpants with the memory of unfulfilled love.

Whatever the case may be, it's wise to avoid Ms. Blondowski and her poon this time of the month.






27 comments:

Sassy Blondie said...

Hmmm...this Sassilla sounds oddly familiar....

Scary Monster said...

It be a good thing you he weren't administrating a manual manipulation to her nether regions or this post would never have been wrote.

STOMP.

P.S. Next time, instead of puttin me face on a lizard, try puttin it between the sweet legs of a nude model.

STOMP or Treat?!

sputnick said...

Ouch. It takes some artful machette-work to be able to slice off a male reproductive organ at the base while it is still penetrating. What position exactly were Mr Mickerson and Miss Blondowski enjoying when this shocking incident occurred? I assume Mr Mickerson was not a big fan of the missionary style.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Poon can be scary on the best days, but now I can say that I am truly afraid of the Poon beyond repair. I am Poon-petrified!

The HOR blogger said...

Oh Sassy I think you've really won Dyck over. This is his form of love letter ya know.

Don henley said...

Just checkin in from the west coast dude. Is this "The End of the Innocence"?

karla said...

That IS scary. And it totally explains why you are so scared of poon that you've committed yourself to the gay lifestyle.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Sassilla (I mean Sassy) - How so??

Monster - It be a better thing that me wasn't giving her oral manipulation. SLICE!

Spitnook - I believe they were doing the 96.

Cherry - Well I'll be poondoggled!

HOR - Who is this "Sassy" you speak of?

Mr. Henley - Dude!! Love the new Eagles album! "You were just too busy bein' fabulous." Brilliant stuff!

Ms. Babble - Your poon frightens me most of all. It's so crowded in there!

Sassy Blondie said...

Yeah...just who is she, Dyckiepoo?

don henley said...

Thanks man. I hope I have not let down any of my great fans like yourself. You know, I can't tell you why but in the long run we are all a victim of love. P.S. I like the chick pic. I think I tapped her when we were on tour in Cleveland.

Tyler Durden said...

Is that a real picture of Sassy naked? nice.

Sassy Blondie said...

TYLER!! That most certainly is NOT a picture of me naked! I have much bigger boobs...

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Sassy - Show me your ta-tas and I'll tell you!

Don - You give me such a peaceful easy feeling, I hope you don't get a heartache tonight.

Tyler - Of course it's real. I can send you some 8x10 glossies if you want.

BUMBLE!!! said...

Is there anywhere that the Spawn mask hasn't been?

Sassy Blondie said...

Dyck, you know I only expose them in public when I'm drunk! Jeez! Men never remember anything!

don henley said...

well, thanks again. you know, all i can do is take it to the limit and give the best of my love to my witchy woman. Hopefully it's not wasted time in the ol' hotel california if you know what i mean!

sputnick said...

Boss, it belated occurred to me that Mr Mickerson's member would not have ended up lodged deep inside Miss Blondowski's nether regions if they had been doing the 96 (which I assume is the same as 69). As is usually the case, there seems to be something a tad fishy about this Halloween tale.

~ Stacy ~ said...

Didn't you used to have a reader that claimed to be a pyschiatrist... and now that said reader is gone... long gone?

It's because of posts like this one. Frightening, truly frightening.

And hey...
"It be a better thing that me wasn't giving her oral manipulation. SLICE!"

THAT was funny!

catscratch said...

Aunt Flo?? I think not.

That's what happen when one choses a damn shed to boink in.

Sassy Blondie said...

The recycled fable...a true Halloween classic!

don henley said...

The light's on in the window she's waiting by the phone
Talking to a memory that's never coming home
She dreams of his returning and the things that he might say
But she'll always be the girl from yesterday

yellowdog granny said...

DEEP...in the heart of Texas I assume..that could be right here in West, Texas..which is actually Central Texas..
I think I went to High School with her..
she got more ass than a toilet seat.

Maven said...

Seriously... the best blog post I read today, Dyckerson.

Just telling it like it is said...

Is that what happen...nice boobs though

karla said...

Hey, why did your posts stop showing up in my Google Reader feed? I came here today to see why you had apparently stopped blogging...only to find out you're still blogging, but clearly no longer in my RSS feed. I'm guessing it was God's intervention, trying to save me from you.

Thanks, God!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

That one will give me nightmares! Now, if I were to sleep with her, would my thing become haunted? Are haunted privates like STD's in that way?

don henley said...

In a New York Minute
Everything can change
In a New York Minute
Things can get a little strange