9/14/2007

There Is A God

I know I've been in a funk lately. But thanks to an incident that occurred earlier this evening, my spirits have been lifted. Life is good!

You see, I live in a townhouse. The way the units are laid out, the living rooms are in the back, with a large sliding glass door leading to the back yard. Fences separate each yard, but I can still see, hear, and smell most everything the neighbors are doing when they are back there.

It was a beautiful late summer day here in Dyckersonville. Skies were overcast throughout the day, but not a single drop of rain had fallen. A perfect evening for a barbecue...or so my new jackass neighbors thought. I call them jackasses even though we've never met. I just assume they are jackasses because most people are. I figure I'll just go with the odds on this one.

Anyway, their grill came out around 6pm. I know this because the acrid smell of burning charcoal began choking me around this time. Of course I could close my screen door, but goddammit, it's the first cool night of the season and I'll be goddamned if I'll let those pricks ruin it for me. Then came the sound of something I truly hate. I ask you, is there anything worse than the sound of kids laughing and playing?? Happy people make me sick, but happy children make me positively homicidal. Children should be dead and not heard.

So there I was, my senses being assaulted, my entire evening about to be fucked by Mr. & Mrs. Suburbia and their retarded punkass kids. At that very moment, the clouds that had been lingering all day finally decided to blow their loads right over Dyckersonville. And it didn't just rain. It POURED! HA! HA HA!! HA HA HA HA!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!

I ran to the door to get a better look. The kids' laughter instantly turned to bloodcurdling screams as they hurried inside, leaving dear dad stranded with a giant plate full of soggy wieners and buns. Meanwhile, mommy was getting soaked chasing after the napkins and paper plates that were blowing all over the yard. BWAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, is it wrong to find humor in the misfortune of others?

I DIDN'T THINK SO!!!

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!

I guess the ol' neighbors had to order take-out. Such a pity. Really it is.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!

HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

HA HA!!!

HA!

I think I'm done now. Man, I love the rain.

23 comments:

It's Me... Maven said...

soggy weiners and buns.

Yanno it's the little things in life that bring us joy.

Stan!! said...

Great title to yer post, Dyck... here was I thinking you were a God-Ignorin’ Heathen Ass.Hey, whatever makes you feel better, DYCKO.
Let’s high five on the ole downpour btw. And remember,Mightonomous,: Hold your head up high, you cold heartless bastard...

Scary Monster said...

Me hpoes you were drinking plenty of beer and pissed offa the balcony and into their BBQ sos that the next time they decide to fire it up they'll be wonderin why the mesquite tastes so different.

STOMP.

Lulu said...

I am rarely moved to tears by things I see on the internet, but you, O Mighty Dyck, have with this single post, caused me to weep sweet tears of joy.

Thank you. Thank you for these lovely images, which will stiffen my resolve and bring a warmth to my heart when all around me is jackassery and suburbia.

You rock.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Maven - There's nothing little about my soggy wiener.

Stan - Of course I believe in God...when I need something.

Monster - Don't be ridiculous. Me would never do such a thing. I don't have a balcony. WHIZZ!

Lulu - There's a box of Kleenex on my nightstand. You may use them to dry your tears. It will be the first time those tissues were ever used on a face.

Jenny! said...

People suck...and its fun when they get fucked! I prefer my neighbors inside so they cant be heard or seen...it's an assault on my eyes if I have ot look at them!

You said weiner...and buns! Wink wink!

Jenny! said...

RevRee'stits are huge!

Yeah Him said...

Not only are kids evil, but yuppies are the antichrist and get everything that they deserve.

The karmic gods are smiling on you (or at least pissing on them).
HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!!

Beth said...

your neighbors are dicks.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Jenny 1 - I'd like to get sucked and fucked by you, baby!!

Jenny 2 - Actually no. That pic is actual size.

Him - Luckily most of the yuppies are dying off now.

Beth - Amen, sista!

Webmiztris said...

you are so deliciously evil, dyck. ;)

ADW said...

Aha

hahahahah

bwa ha ha ha

loves it

Patti said...

what? Mom didn't have a nice rack? I really was expecting some kind of see-through t-shirt action as a grand finale to your misery laden musical. I guess it'll have to be enough that you smiled.

*gag*

that was really hard to say so you better start responding to every single post again.

Patti said...

what I meant was....respond to MY ...oh forget it.

Sassy Blondie said...

Karma is a bitch...

Christie said...

Let's start by saying, I love your honesty. I'll finish by saying, Satan cannot wait to get you back to hell.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Miz - Remember that when you dedicate your first album.

ADW - Your laughter is intoxicating...and a bit nauseating.

Patti - The only rack mom had was the one on the grill.

Blondie - So is Karla! HA!! I kid, I kid.

Mrs. McFatty - I'll save a seat for ya, baby.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Nothing worse than a soggy weiner. Especially a whole plate of them.

bob cobb of cobb family farms from cobb county said...

them there are juggies on the top of yer page there...milkers, teats, boobies. that aint ass.

Dave V. said...

Yuppies, wieners and buns, all in one post, what a genius.

Now if you could only learn to piss far enough to hit a bricket, we would have to make you a volunteer fireweasel too.

Patti said...

you guys are self-contradicting...I thought you were always looking to get your weiners soggy! Would you make up your mind already?!?

Lindystar the HOR blogger said...

Ugh I hate it when the little ghetto children run screamin through our yard and around the house and stuff. Why the hell can't they stay in their own freking yard.

Hooray for rain, and glad to see you out of the pits Dyck.

~ Stacy ~ said...

LMFAO! Mr. Grinch.