9/30/2007

Drunken Post

I don't noramally rigte posts when i'm drunk ubt its about time for a new post so here I am. I try to updsdate my blog at least twice a week but sometims its hard cuss of my job and shit. God i hate my job i wish i coiuld just blog all fucking day long and tell those fuckers to kissoff. I staretgd the is blog like two.5 yuears ago so i could get some poon but so far i haven't gotten shit form you poelple. that babble chik is kinda cute but all she dos is have babies with some other guy. Then theres revee who got me unbanned form medialien forum by having intercrourse with the moderator. She's really sweat nad shit but shes datting a candy bar. sissy bloned sounds hot and her avatar looks lick maralyn manson, did you no she was discovered in a drug store having amilkshake/ drug stores don't have milkshakes anymore maybe if they did more poelple would be discoverd. PEPO;LEE PPEPLE PEOPLE fuck tahts a hard workd to spell when your drunk.

Time for a new paragraphy. So i went down town to thsi bar hopping to score some poon, their wawas a cute watress wtih a black halter top thing i tried to show her my weewee but she sparyed me with mace damn btcih. The bartender made me a rum and coke and i drank it but didnt even taste lany alcohol which is wiered cause i usualy taste that shit real easy. I thought he jsut gaeve me a awated down cola so i asked for another and then another. bY the tird i was feeling real good so i decided to get he fuck outta there and gol home.

ON my a way to hte car i had to piss like a moituehrfucker so i foudn a cobblsstone alley and pissed in it I hoep they don't mnind. I know you'res nots uppoped to drink drukn but i had to get home and paint my dormers befrore the homos associatastion gets mad at me agian. I past dead bird on the sidewalk i swear to you it smeelleed just like cherry koolaid, isn't that cdrazy? Or amybe koolaid smeels like dead birds, i don't know for sure. When i amd runk, I like to eat Taco bell food and i dont knwo why that is but i think everybody eats taco bell when they're durnk. So i went there next and ordered something and ate it all up.

Then i realised it was tood ark to paint my dormers plus i couldt' find my latter so i decided ot take a fuckign shower. I cleaned my bathroom today which if cuking hate to do mbut it needed it cause mold was growing on the tile groute. i filled an empty spary bototle with bleach and water to spray on the mold but fuck if the spray bottle didnt want otw ork so i just pourd the fucking bealch driectly on the mold and guess waht it's gone! i'm like martha fucking steward, bitches. Thend i had to piss real bad again so i got aoiutta the shower and piseed all over the fucking gfloor that i jsut cleaned tdoay, usually i hafe pretty good aim but notu when im' drunk. sonfoabtich i hate toilets.

YOuw ever wahtch that ER show? ica n't stand it except for thaot hot blond chidkc waht ever her name is. Otherwsiek its sucks as far as im' concerned. When in was driving home tonight i was swerving all over the place but damn if i didn't know all the words to hotel california and vcitim of love by the eagles. I swear i know all their lyricds so good i could sing them if i was dead. Thye has a enww album comign out next month you should check it ouit lots of news ongs. i already heard one new song thats actually an old song by jd souther they used todo in concernt not many poeleple know that but i do bc i'm a big fan. ms. babble hates the eagles but shes a bichtc so whoo cares.


goodamit im' hunry agian lucky i have some fuckign doritos in my caibnet. honestly I could eat doritos the rest of my life and neve get tiredk of them. They havfe lots of flaovors now but noacho will alwas be my favorite i think. Try the smokin cheddar sometime tho it really is smoking but not really. anybody nkow owhere i can get some quality poon i woiuld apprefdiate it. Fuck its cold outsdie tonigt i guess fall is here. I never licked fall when iwa s in school becase fall meants chool was starting agin and i fuciking hated school. Now i ckinda like fall becdause the weather is coolrer and i have to work anyaway so wahts the fucking dirfference.


38 comments:

Willo Keays said...

FIRST COMMENT!!!

Willo Keays said...

Wow! Now I know why I've never been drunk before.

If you need someone to nurse you through your hangover - call Karla or RevRee or blondie - since you like them so much!

I wonder if Puerileuwaite is still single?

puerileuwaite said...

I'm here Willo, babe, just seeing if I can talk Mighty D into getting to those dormers in his present state (what, with the Insurance policy I just took out on him and all). I'll finally be able to afford you, now that I'm about to cash in.

Jackass Jenn said...

Brilliant.

RevRee said...

Bwhahahahahhahaah!!!!

I love when you're drunk!!!

Randomness said...

Wow, I guess today was get drunk day and no one invited me. No, what did I get today? Someone puking in my bathroom for 30 minutes straight...I kid you not then they passed out on my couch and I have to be at work in less that 2 FUCKING HOURS. Fuck it I'll just start drinking now. Bastards.

Stan!! said...

Dyck, ‘nice to see a post brimming over with sense and sensibility.
Being drunk's a lot like being gay, you just wanna touch everything.Remember Dyck, if you screw when you are drunk, you are much less likely to be thinking clearly enough to use rubbers, or use them correctly as in the case of your good buddy, Ms Babble. Think about it.Hope this information helps!

Dixie said...

I love a good drunk!

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Stan is right - being drunk is exactly like being gay. People think I'm drunk all the time, and I feel buzzed most all day long. It is awesome, this whole gay thing.

Speaking of that, a word of caution: I too started my blog to get some poon, but it didn't work for me either, which is why I went gay. So essentially my blog turned me gay.

Sorry I can't help you get some poon. But I hear LiveJournal girls are easy.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Holy shit, somebody broke into my account and wrote some nonsensical gibberish on my blog! WTF?? And why is there an open paint can in my bathroom??!

Willo - Don't be bitter. You know I love you, I'm just ashamed to admit it publicly.

P - How much is the insurance policy? I might want to get in on that action. Oh, wait...

Jackass - I'm glad I found something you could relate to.

RevRee - STOP SHOUTING!

Randomness - Could you send me some more pics of your tummy?

Stan the Lymie - How would you know what being gay is like?

Dixie - I don't doubt it. That's where Tellulah came from.

Cherry - What's it like when you're gay AND drunk??

The Middle Lifer said...

You missed the best part of your being drunk, sending all your coworkers the fuck off and kiss my ass email that tells them how you wish they would all get lost.

Then you could tell them you were drunk and didn't mean it. But you know you really did. Ya see, everyone forgives a drunk, be a crack addict and do that shit, they wanna shoot ya...funny how that works ya know.

Anonymous said...

Oh Cool! You finally wrote something on here that makes sense. Maybe we are soulmates! LL

Ian said...

This all bumbler talk. I thought that you might be little folk.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

With THIS comment, I am hereby making your penis over one foot long.

Congrats.

Effortlessly Average said...

You may not have licked fall, but according to that bitch Kathy you sure licked something else. Now that I think about it, that explains a lot about this post. Did you take another swim in that cesspool?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Lifer - I already do that when I'm sober.

Lindsay - I'm glad we both speak the same language...whatever it is.

Ian - Sounds like you might be a little intoxicated.

Dr. K - Well it's certainly not the first time, now is it?

Fort - Who the fuck is Kathy?

Sudiegirl said...

Wow - I didn't know you had such a tender side...

Sassy Blondie said...

LOLOL Dyck, now this...it's something else. And what do you mean I "sound" hot? How can one sound hot? LOLOLOL

And really, you are going to be arrested at some point for public indecency if you continue to relieve yourself/defecate in all of these public places.

You sound like a fun drunk...except for that pissing in ramdom places and drunk driving thing....;)

Patti said...

I'm pretty sure reading that just gave me a brain tumor.

thanks for nothing asshole!

Scary Monster said...

That's it! Me gonna call the NAACP or some othe rfucking buncha lirel asshowls cuz you be stealin me patented gibberish. Fuck right. Me don't care iffin you were / are drunk . You gots know right to be usin me languidge to accessorize yor comments.
Fuckin a right Mr. Dykerson man. What if me put on a clown suit and grabbed me banana. Youd be pretty pissed off ya?

That was the funniest fuckin post me has read in like the last 37 seconds. You be a true genius there, Dyck.

STUMBLE!

Patti said...

whoa...Mr. Monster done went schizophrenic or tri-polar or somethin' on your ass! Ha-ha-hahahahaha. that was fun

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Sudie - I got something tender for ya right here!

Blondie - You're right, I need to stop relieving myself in public. How about coming over and letting me relieve something on you??

Patti - Sucks for you. I hear those are fatal.

Monster - Me not care iffin you be grabbin' yer banana. Just don't be peeling it around me. CHOMP!

Patti - Relax, it's just the brain tumor playing tricks on you.

~ Stacy ~ said...

"...What if me put on a clown suit and grabbed me banana."

Heh. That was funny, Scary.

Dyckerson - You still hungry, Mr. Drunk Man? I've got some pizza here. Quid pro quo, baby. ;)

MsPuddin said...

Ok that was hard to read…

Man, you don’t think I’m doable? I gotta do something about that…

Ms P

Sassy Blondie said...

Dyck-I'm not into that, besides...I only "sound" hot, so why would you ask? Plus, I'm credited with nothing!Hmmph!

And I've sent quite a few people over to the Mighty Blog to illustrate why one should never drunk blog...

RevRee said...

You promised never to mention how I got you unbanned from medialine! You drunk bastard!!!

P.S. My boyfriend is a pretty tasty candy bar! Mmmmmmm

don henley said...

It's not "The Eagles". It's just "Eagles" dude. Minor point, I know, but I am in the band.

sudiegirl said...

wow, dyck...i didn't think you had anything tender. i thought you were pretty hard boiled, eh?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Stacy - I'll do the jokes here.

Puddin - I didn't say that. You just didn't make the top three. Work on it.

Blondie - Don't be bitter. Send me a picture of your ta-tas and I'll put them in my banner. Deal??

Rev - I'm sure. Have you tasted his nougat?

Mr. Henley - My apologies! I hope you're thinkin' about forgiveness, forgiveness - even if, even if you don't love me anymore.

Sudie - I guess the yolk's on you!

Beth said...

huh?

don henley said...

Apology accepted dude. Take it easy. Eagles like Desperado types. In the long run, we knew you'd come to your senses...one of these nights.

Jenny! said...

You seemed drunk enough for me to have my way with you...without any fight! You wouldn't be able to fight me off!

BottleBlonde said...

Very eloquent and articulate post. You rank up there with Maya Angelou.

And since when does a monkey blog when it's drunk? I thought it flung shit at passersby.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Beth - Don't be a dick.

Mr. Henley - Wow! You really are him, aren't you?? At first I thought you were just pretending to be Don Henley, but the way you worked in all those song titles, you have to be real!

Jenny - Who says I'd fight you if I was sober??

BB - Maya Angelou? Wasn't she a cast member on SNL?

don henley said...

I writ therefore I flaunt. I flaunt the Henley writ. I be Henley, Henley I be, you be not Henley, even though you really want to....be

Webmiztris said...

noacho doritoes rulle....speshially spicier noacho doritoes.

UBERMOUTH said...

You are fucked in the head! I love that!

Christie said...

I am so fucking turned on by you right now.