10/03/2007

Bloggers in the News

I am pleased to announce the lovely Randomness, subject of the literary masterpiece Ode to Randomness, has been reinstated as a Mighty Blog affiliate! This comes after a six month absence during which time I impregnated her with my pork rind dick, causing her to give birth to a dead pig. Well done Randomness!


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To make room for Randomness' return, I'm giving the ax to deadbeat blogger Lux Lisbon and her never-updated I'm Not Defensive. I'm also tempted to pull the plug on Malnurtured Snay. He/she/it is still an active blogger, but he/she/it never shows up around here anymore. I'll give him/her/it a break this once, but next time, he/she/it may not be so lucky. Snay, consider yourself warned!

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Meanwhile, Lambo is at it again. She is begging me to add her ovine blog to my exclusive list of affiliates. Frankly, I'm just not comfortable doing this. Lambo's G-rated blog is severely lacking in references to flatulence, bowel movements, blowjobs, porn, and poon. But I hate to be the one to disappoint the little ball of lint, so I'm putting it to a vote! You'll find a special Mighty Blog poll just below the Chat Hole in the sidebar.*

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And finally, my third wife ADW threatened to slit her own wrists if I don't answer the following five questions. I hate to see good POON go to waste, so here you go:

1. You have control of the world's oil reserves. What do you do next? I get myself a chainsaw, a Nubian goat, and a bottle of Henessee. I utilize the chainsaw to cut down some redwoods and build a fort to protect my oil reserves. The Nubian goat will stand guard outside the gate, and if anybody tries to hurt him, I will bash in their skulls with the Henessee bottle.

2. Me and my girlfriends are out drinking and we run into you. What happens? I will impregnate all of you with my 35-year-old pork rind dick.

3. You have a chainsaw, a Nubian Goat and a bottle of Henessee. What do you do with them? See #1.

4. If a woodchuck could chuck wood, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck? A woodchuck can't chuck wood, so fuck that woodchuck with a hockey puck and make that schmuck suck a lucky duck.

5. What is your penis called and do you have names for your testicles?
My penis is Sir Squirtsalot. My testicles are named Manny, Moe, and Jack.



* Mighty Dyckerson reserves the right to alter poll results to his liking.


26 comments:

Anonymous said...

FIRST

Anonymous said...

I'm first! whats my prize!

It's Me... Maven said...

Now is that straight up regular flavored pork rind dick, or is that pork rind dick with cheetoh cheeze puff powder on it, cuz that's kick ass!

ADW said...

You have three testicles? Why am I not surprised?

Plus, I do believe that a woodchuck could chuck wood, if they weren't busy drinking all that cider that they make.

Dixie said...

I think I pulled a muscle laughing at #4.

Stan!! said...

I am touched to be one of the chosen few. Yet further proof that the power of prayer really can bring about miracles.
Yes, Lambo’s blog is sadly deficient in the whole excretin’, cussin’ and screwin’ thing. But it’s impossible to reason with her. Will she never see sense, Mr Dyckerson?
BTW,did you know that the Mexican pork rind is typically flavored with lime and chili powder... ‘care to comment, Hor?

Scary Monster said...

You complain about Me constant and singular themes?!? Damn, Dyck! You've never got anything else except poon and pig fuckin on the brain.

STOMP.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Anonymous - You have won an EXCITING CASH PRIZE! I just need your bank account info so I can wire you the funds from Nigeria...

Maven - You can powder my pork with whatever you please.

ADW - Of course I have three! Never hurts to have a spare (or two).

Dixie - Need a massage??

Stan - I was wondering why the Hor's breath always smelt like Taco Bell.

Monster - Don't raise your voice to me, you green ball of slime! SPLAT!

Webmiztris said...

I'm skeered to watch pork rind dick. I just know something gross is going to be shown and at that exact moment my computer screen is going to freeze and my boss is going to simultaneously walk into my office... ;)

Effortlessly Average said...

Hmmm... I'm curious, what does one need to become a Dyck-filiate? Not that I have what it takes, since clearly you don't care about money or a huge Dyck; I'm just wondering. Maybe I need actual... talent? Wait, no. A nice rack, is that it?

Malnurtured Snay said...

Don't feel bad, I haven't been making my usual blog rounds for several months: haven't had much time between work, looking for "real" work, writing, and AstroEmpires. Don't worry, I'll flash you my man-boobies shortly.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Miz - Don't be skeered. Watch the video - it will change your life! Make your boss watch it too - he'll probably give you a big promotion!

Fort - Talent?? Hell no, that would disqualify half my current affiliates.

Snay - NOW you come back!

Malnurtured Snay said...

Well, there was a trackback from the link and it said "Bloggers in the News" and I thought "Moi?"

Akbar Muhad said...

Hello my friend. You are fortunate enough that I found you in my search for enlighting peoples.
Although you are a petty man of no writing ability you are welcome to join us at the Pride Parade for a discussion about HNT's. It is an event where fancy ladies take off their clothes and show their Cha-Cha's and badgers on the webernet.

Many blessings,

Akbar Muhad

karla said...

Lucky Randomness. She gets a spot on Pervert Avenue. Hey, how about knocking me off the blogroll next? Who do I have to blow to get kicked off the Mighty Blog?

Patti said...

Mmmmm pork rinds....

mollymcmo said...

i like the name of your peni, strangely arousing.

m

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Snay - You lost me with all the technical mumbo jumbo.

Akbar - The Pride Parade? Shall I wear my rainbow colored pants?

Ms. Babble - YOU CRAZY BABBLER! I would never take you off my list! But you're welcome to blow me anyway. Just don't use the teeth this time.

Patti - Eat pork rinds! Eat dead pigs!

Molly - Would you like to meet him in person?

Beth said...

I never use teeth

The HOR blogger said...

OMG I haven't ate taco bell in a year!!!

Mexicans get a little bit more than pissy about that place and tend to start hissing if brought up.

They like BK and who am I to step on toes???

I do miss the empanadas.

Effortlessly Average said...

Karla - Oh pick me pick me! It won't get you removed from his list, but who cares?

Sudiegirl said...

Wow! You've got THREE of 'em?

Have you called Ripley's Believe It Or Not?

Anonymous said...

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha....ooooohhhhh god. i just gpt outta reahb AGAIN and i'm a lilttl tipsy. LLLL

Sassy Blondie said...

I just don't have the right words to describe my thoughts after reading such poetry....

MsPuddin said...

I should be on that list too...a taste of poon...

~ Stacy ~ said...

What the hell good is it being your forklift operator when you're running around using a chainsaw? I coulda just knocked the redwoods down, and then you wouldn't have had to work so hard.

Jeez. Gotta hold ya by the hand every step of the way.

Clowns.