Fuck Other Blogs

A couple of weeks ago, I received an unsolicited email from some guy I never heard of. At first, I thought he was trying to sell me V!@GRA to make me P3NI$ get big, but to my disappointment, it turns out he just wanted to interview me for his web site. Normally I don't do interviews unless I'm plugging a movie, but in this case, I made an excretion. I think you're supposed to read the interview and rate the blog, but I'm not sure. I honestly don't give a rat's ass. I'm too pissed off about the RFS Awards.


The RFS (or Really Fucking Stupid) Awards were supposed to be my opportunity to shine. Categories ranged from "Most Likely to Live in a Trailer Park" to "Male Blogger Who Would Look Best in a Speedo." Why I wasn't nominated for the latter category is beyond me. But I did pick up a nomination for "Most Likely to be Arrested." Ladies and germs, I don't think I have to tell you this is the Award I was born to win.

There were a whopping SEVEN NOMINEES in this category (excluding myself). Six of them were complete nobodies and posed no real threat to yours truly. The 7th contender was the jackass known as Mr. Fabulous. I refuse to provide a link to his blog, because he clearly does not need the publicity. He gets a ridiculous amount of traffic considering how fucking ordinary his blog is. I swear to you, this idiot could post a low-resolution photo of his BELLY BUTTON LINT and he'd have 50 comments within two minutes. I don't know where he finds these people, but apparently they have all been BRAINWASHED into thinking he is entertaining. The only award Mr. Fabulous should win is "Most Likely to Cause a Reader to Take His Own Life with a Dull Hacksaw."

Nevertheless, we were both up for the "Most Likely to be Arrested" award...and wouldn't you know it, we TIED. What a SLAP in the FUCKING FACE. Mightonimous Q. Dyckerson doesn't share an award with ANYONE. So Christie, if you're reading this, you better go back and look for hanging chads, because I WILL NOT REST until VICTORY IS MINE and MINE ALONE.


Last but not least, it's time to do some downsizing. There are several Mighty Blog affiliates who haven't been pulling their weight around here, so I'm taking out the garbage:

First up is Motor City Monk. This asshole updates his blog regularly, but never seems to have the time to comment on mine. I guess he thinks he's too good for The Mighty Blog now. Monk, I hope you get AIDS and die.

Next is Photogguy. I couldn't even tell you how often he updates his blog, because NONE OF HIS POSTS ARE DATED. What the fuck is THAT??! All I know is, he never shows up around here. Photogguy, pack up your lens extender and GET THE HELL OUT.

It's no secret that Randomness and I had a torrid love affair last spring...that is, until she up and DISAPPEARED OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH. Funny, his seems to happen to a lot of the women I seduce. I don't understand it, especially since I wrote her this lovely poem.

Last on the hatchet block is Luck O' The Irish. Much like Randomness, she and I were getting along swimmingly until she decided to go AWOL. What is it with these stupid broads? Don't they know a good thing when it's squirting them in the face??!

Anyway, fuck them all. And let that be a warning to the rest of you. Being a Mighty Blog affiliate isn't a right, it's a PRIVILEGE. And with that privilege comes an OBLIGATION to write QUALITY POSTS in a TIMELY MANNER, and also to LEAVE COMMENTS on the blogs of your FELLOW AFFILIATES. Otherwise, I'll yank your ass outta here faster than Ms. Babble can conceive a child. YOU GOT THAT??!


Anonymous said...

i have no blog but....i'm still here sir. LL

Sornie said...

If this has taught me nothing more than posting belly button lint pics=fame and success then I best charge up my batteries.

Randy Sexer said...

Man, I don't know what's wrong with these people...

Some people just don't take advantage of the extraordinary opportunities layed before them.

Make sure to click my name to check out my awesome kickass blog!!!!

Stan Bull said...

Dyck (if I may be familiar),
Those no-hoper muthas don't deserve the benefit of your mighty squirt.And they clearly never have.
The Mad Monk fella seems to have rediscovered usage of his genitalia if his latest, horror story of a post is anything to go by. So he may just be a bit distracted. As for the fragrant Randomness she knows where she can find me...assuming she isn't in an advanced state of pregnancy. No offense to the Babble chick....
I for one pledge to be timely in my posts and worthy of your quirt, Mr D. No faker am I.

puerileuwaite said...

Does it HAVE to be my ass? Or can I choose my body part that I want yanked?

Kritkrat said...

I think you should put the picture of that retard back up in your title bar. Nothing says class and draws people in like a picture of a special olympics runner up. If you kept him up there, I for one would have voted for you.

Scary Monster said...

Gee, Me didn't know yer middle name were Q. What it be standing fer?

Also, Me mighty blog do-dad don't flash. Can you send me the real one.

Me went to check out the blog that were tied with yopu and there's no way he gonna get arrested before you. He don't have half the pedophillic tendancies you do.


Patti said...

you're so hot when you get all "I'm the boss of you", "I said listen to me dammit", "why aren't you talking to or about me you fuckers?"...on us.

Course, it's difficult for me to give a shiny shit when my name's not mentioned even in passing or hell...innuendo (IN YOUR END-O). But I'll fake it with the best of them. Just know I'm doing it for you, you ungrateful attention whore.


Crunchy BC said...

I think you've just nominated yourself for the "Most Likely to Emulate Minneapolis Public Works When Building Bridges" award. Congrats.

Christie said...

Dyck, you so clearly deserved the award. But I bet if Mr. Fagulous ever gets arrested, he will get ass pounded within 5 minutes.

Ryan said...

You not winning that award is worse than when Jethro Tull beat Metallica for best heavy metal grammy.

Everytime I picture you, and it is quite often, you are in an orange jumpsuit having your hair braided by a guy named G-Dawg.

Where is the public outrage?

Nancy said...

Thumbs up on the interview.

RFS : You are a wiener every day, you don't need an annual award.

Downsizing: Glad it's just your blogroll and nothing else you observed becoming "downsized"

Dixie said...

I agree, you should have won in that category!

And what do I get if I vote for your blog??

Jay said...

Wouldn't you rather be king of us D listers than bitch slave to the A listers? You're like the Shaquille O'Neal of Midgetville big guy.

Angel said...

you TIED??? Dyck, you're losin your edge....you should go kick his ass.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Lindsay - I'll let you stay. You need something to do while you're in rehab.

Sornie - What a navel idea!

Randy - We do not plug our blogs in the comments section. Consider this your first strike.

Stan - THIS is what I am looking for. Fellow affiliates, take note! You can learn from this man.

P - As a rule, I will yank the first body part that presents itself.

Donky - Dammit...and I was hoping to get the retard vote.

Monster - The Q stands for Quincey. Mother Dyckerson was a big Jack Klugman fan. Follow the link below the affilates in the sidebar; then copy the URL. CLICK!

Patti - I got no problem with faking it. I'm used to that.

CBC - I'll take that as a compliment.

Christie - I don't know about that. Even prisoners have standards.

Ryan - And every time I picture you, you're wearing those fucking jean shorts.

Nancy - It's always about the penis with you, isn't it??

Dixie - You get a little brother or sister for Tellulah. ;)

McFatty - I thought I was king of the shit list.

Beth - Trust me, his ass shall be kicked...

Webmiztris said...

aww, I like Mr. Fab! his belly button lint is FASCINATING!

good luck with the delinkings. the jerks deserve it. ;)

Jenny! said...

You seem upset baby doll? Do you want me to massage your prostate while you jerk off? You can even splooge on my face if you want! Glad those motherfuckers are taking a hike off your blog! For the record...I voted for you...and i am still waiting on that pin!

D-HOR said...

Didn't you nominate yourself for that award???

S'okay, I'm just jealous because I lost. That dude pisses me off too.

Stan Bull said...

Miss Jenny
You don't make me offers like that. What has Dyck got that I lack?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Miz - As a Mighty Blog affiliate, I forbid you from visiting his site. Remember, I'll be watching you!

Jenny - I couldn't jizz on that beautiful face. Your chest, on the other hand, is another story.

Hor - Of course I voted for myself...37 times!!

Stan - Stay away from Jenny. She's MY woman.

Stan Bull said...

WTF, that's not what she's saying over at my place. You already have Babble....should be enough for any man, even one of unconventional tastes.

Anonymous said...

Well .. I'm surprised I didn't see my name listed in those removed from affiliation. I still find it difficult to keep up the same banter as the others. I'm not nearly as perverted as the rest of you! But .. I do love Dyck .. in a weird sort of stalkerish way.

Anonymous said...

I thought the belly button fluff was an isolated incident.

karla said...

What kind of bullshit is this? If anyone is getting kicked off your blogroll, I want it to be me. Having my name on your blogroll is probably a lot like finding out my photo is taped to a prison cell wall--it's supposed to be an honor, but instead it makes me hate myself more.

Jenny! said...

Boys boys boys...don't fight there's enough to go around!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Stan - Ms. Babble and I have an open relationship. I can mess around with any woman I want...as long as it's not her.

Willo - You narrowly escaped the chopping block. I suggest you shape up, or next time it could be YOU!

Buffy - No, I believe he's working on a miniseries.

Ms. Babble - You're back! And grumpier than ever!! You're not pregnant again, are you???

Jenny - I don't like to share, my sweet apple-cheeked petunia.

Stan Bull said...

Karla, after reading your therapeutic blog, which I always prefer to do in the nude, I must confess that giving birth and all just seems very strange to me. I think adoption would be preferable. Lots of kids out there need homes. I myself have a perfectly hygenic, fully-furnished basement residence and sound parenting skills to offer.
My lawyers still think adoption is a long shot- at least until my electronic tag is removed in 2009- but where there’s a will, there’s a way as they say.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Still on the affiliates list. My voodoo must still be working.

Jenny! said...

Dyck don't be a brat...sharing is good for everyone! You possessive nympho!

Lucy Dee said...

I seemed to have intruded on some very sensitive discussion. Uh, perhaps I'll come back when things have cooled off.

Dude, you're lucky you even got nominated. No one's waitin' on my a-- to give me an award.

Consider yourself lucky. You'll get it next time around.

Anonymous said...

Alternatively, you could just go out and get yourself arrested. Then, you'd win by default whether they gave you that really lame-ass award, or not.

I voted for you. I considered voting for you in the 'dinner' category (however that was termed), but I didn't feel like sharing my baked Cheetos.

Mistress Empyrean said...

Someday, I'll reach affiliate status. Until then, can I get concubine status?

Stan Bull said...

We could share joint custody rights over Jenny. It's a fair legal solution to a complex question. Everyones gonna be a winner!

Stan Bull said...

I'll give you full member status.Come on over.

Sassy Blondie said...

I just find it impossible that you didn't win. Maybe you should show them your rap sheet?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Cherry - Yeah, I felt like I needed a token homo on the list.

Jenny - I'll share socks. I'll share underwear. I'll even share my toothbrush. But I would NEVER share you, my delicious little cupcake!

Lucy - I'll make you the recipient of the first annual Mighty Dyckerson Pity Award. Congratulations!

Stacy - I've been arrested so many times, the police dept. hires me to train the new recruits.

Mistress - Hmmm...Come by my place for an audition.

Stan - No, but I'll let you have custody of a joint. You can even roll it yourself. And my full member is bigger than yours.

Blondie - More like a rap novel.

Pud said...

You have to share the blog award?!? This scenario is starting to sound like the movie "Blades of Glory". Next thing you know you and Mr. Fab will be banned from blogging for life unless you two join forces and blog together.

D-HOR said...

I enjoy your title more and more each time I see it. "Fuck other blogs," I laugh every time. :) And yes, fuck that guy, he's a beotch for stealing your award.

BTW, if you don't mind I'd like to link you. A Hor site is incomplete with out a Dyck. I do believe you are the man for the job.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Pud - Me, join forces with Mr. Drab?? Bite your tongue! Now nibble on my $#%*!

Lindy - You silly hor! You can "link" me anytime you want, baby. I shall return the flavor when I have the time.

Jenny! said...

Cupcakes yum...as long as you provide the frosting!

Stan: Dyck will never know!

Stan Bull said...

Dyck, manual stretching won't get you anywhere...ever thought of investing in a penis enlargement pump?

Stan Bull said...

I’m not sure,hun.
Dyck might become predatory if he feels betrayed.He would probably go to extreme lengths to gain information about or find us.
Could our tender lurve survive if we're being pursued by Dyck? We wouldn't want to be pursued by Dyck, would we?

Sassy Blondie said...

Dyck, perhaps they didn't look at the other "registered" people in your area, or they would of caught your name.

And Mr. Fab's got a radio show...maybe you should look into branching out into more of a Renaissance Dyck? No?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Jenny - Our friend Istanbullshit is becoming very unstable. As you can see, he has changed his name to mimick yours. Next thing you know, he'll be taking candid photos of you through your bedroom window and plastering them all over his walls. I fear for your safety. The best thing for you to do is come over to my place so I can protect you. HURRY, don't even take time to pack your clothing. You won't need it anyway.

Blondie - Radio is so yesterday. If I do anything, it will be a video podcast.

Ms Smack said...

shocking. I can't believe you didn't ace each category.

ps. come and have a look at the boobs on my blog.