8/18/2007

Cock - A - Dyckie - Doo

AP (Dyckersonville) - BREAKING NEWS. The blogging community has been rocked by allegations that Mightonimous "Mighty" Dyckerson has been involved in the illegal sport of cockfighting. According to an indictment handed down today by whoever it is that hands down indictments, Mr. Dyckerson not only funded, but also participated in the activity on his sprawling .5-acre townhome in the suburbs of Dyckersonville. It is unclear how these charges will affect Mr. Dyckerson's blogging career if found guilty, but with witnesses coming out of the woodwork, his future looks grim.

"As a hor, I've seen plenty of cocks in my time, but none as ornery as the ones Dyckerson parades in and out of his house. He has cocks cumming there all hours of the day and night." says next door neighbor Lindy Danielle Lindystar.

"Dyckerson and his filthy cocks disgust me. Big cocks, little cocks, fat cocks, skinny cocks. You name it, he's had them...and the noises coming from his house are horrendous," says former Hooters waitress ADW.

"I don't know about the fighting, but Dyckerson has the biggest cock I have ever seen," says Christie McFatty, estranged wife of missing Portland coal miner J.J. McFatty.

"One of Dyckerson's prize cocks impregnated me. I think it was a black cock, but I was too drunk to remember," says happy homemaker and former blogger Ms. Babble.

In addition to the cockfighting charges, Mighty Dyckerson may face additional animal cruelty charges. Several witnesses have come forward with damning testimonies.

"I watched Dyckerson beat his cock every night. He would beat that poor thing for hours at a time. I offered to help him once, but his cock just spit upon my ample bosom," says longtime love interest Jenny!

"I never saw him beat his cock, but he did spank his monkey quite often. Once he even flogged his dolphin," says RevRee, his live-in maid.

Attorneys for Mighty Dyckerson have released the following statement:

"Our client Mr. Dyckerson comes from a long line of cock lovers and is understandably distraught by these heinous charges. Mr. Dyckerson maintains his innocence, and is therefore unwilling to negotiate a plea agreement with prosecutors. Mr. Dyckerson is looking forward to clearing his good name in the courtroom."

Finally, Mighty Dyckerson has the following personal statement to the witnesses:

"Thanks a lot, you RAT FINK BITCHES! Make sure you lock your doors tonight, 'cause me and my cocks will be waiting for you! FUCK YOU ALL!!!"

Dyckerson is free on a $100,000 bond and is scheduled to appear in court in October 2009. If convicted of all charges, he could face up to 300 years in a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison.

33 comments:

Sassy Blondie said...

Damn Dyck! Didn't your mommn you about playing with cocks?

Jenny! said...

You are being wrongfully accused...your cocks were asking for a beating! At least the authorities didn't find out about your clam farm!

Stan! said...
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Stan! said...

Good God! I never had you down as a fellow cock fancier, Dyck! BTW, in England, we tend to use large doses of amphetamines to make our cocks more aggressive and increase their endurance. Strategically positioned metal rings also seem to get them worked up. Cock rings-I swear by 'em.

RevRee said...

Why am I always the "Live in house maid" in all your stories?

Willo Keays said...

Well .. at least you weren't sucking on your Cocks. That would be the worst form of animal cruelty yet!

Rev - at least you're featured in his stories.

:pout:

puerileuwaite said...

I have a suspicion that Dick Cheney is behind this half-cocked effort. And I wouldn't be surprised if Condoleeza Rice were interested in riding along on this probe. Finally, how can Bush not be wanting to know the extent to which this case has penetrated his inner circle?

Dyck!! said...

Blondie - No, she was always too busy playing with cocks.

Jenny - True dat. You would think the fishy smell would have given it away by now.

Stan - Cock rings?? I didn't even know they had fingers.

RevRee - Would you prefer to be my butler?

Willo - If I do a post on reality tv, you'll be the star.

Tyler Durden said...

I happen to have a huge cock here too as a matter of fact. It is a true fighter. If you mess with it a little bit its ready to kill. If there was a yearly academy award for cocks, I would definitely have a bunch of nominations and at least one or two price wining cock trophies.
waaait a minute........ are we talking about penises here???

Pud said...

You're awfully cocky, Ha Ha!

Scary Monster said...

This be just one more cock and bull story. You just needed them cocks to fill,er,no. Me means balance out all the times you've said poon inna last few weeks or so.

Sproiiiing!

Nancy said...

Looks like you got busted for your do-doodle-a-cock.

You might be lucking and get sentenced to the hen house =)

Free fer all Paul said...

Ive been fighting birds for 20 years aint nothin stopin me.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I'm surprised I wasn't quoted, seeing as I'm the testifying doctor who provided you with the drugs that made the cocks all loopy before their bouts.

Crashtest Comic said...

Cock fighting makes you go blind.

I propose you get along with your cock instead.

Dyck!! said...

P - Sorry, political humor just goes right over my head.

Tyler - Is it that obvious?

Pud - HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...*Cough*

Monster - Poppycock!

Nancy - Cool! I hear there's a lot of laying going on in those hen houses.

FFAP - Do you ever get pecked?

Noiseliquid - Bull! My cocks are all clean!

CTC - We do get along. Me and my cock see eye to eye on everything.

karla said...

Cockfighting sounds cool. I'm going to pioneer a movement involving vagina fighting.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

I've handled my share of cock in my day - both my own and those of others - and cockfighting can be serious business. Regarding your potential 300 year sentence: I hope you get off easy.

ADW said...

While it is true that our justice system follows the tenet of innocent until proven guilty, I think you're fucked. You and your cocks need to run and hide in some little out of the way hole that could take the cocks, big and small, in without any trouble.

blog Portland said...

If not for the expert drilling technique of your cock, I might have died alone in that wretched shaft. Remind me to give your cock a firm shake when we cross paths next.

Lindystar the HOR blogger said...

Dear Dyck,

Sorry I had to bust you out like that but as a Cock Lover AND being born in the year of the Cock, I really need to protect my vested interest and heritage.

I hope we can still be good neighbors. Much love,
- Hor

Dyck!! said...

Ms. Babble - I don't think your vagina could take any more abuse considering what it's been through lately.

Cherry - Getting off is what got me in trouble to begin with.

ADW - Would you happen to have such a hole??

McFatty - Will do. Just promise to rinse the coal dust off your hands first, as I like my cock to be shiny and clean.

Hor - You've got a lot of balls to be busting my cock!

Lindystar the HOR blogger said...

I gots THREE beotch! Hows many you gots?

ADW said...

I have several...

Mistress Empyrean said...
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Mistress Empyrean said...

Now I have to take you off my fantasy football league. Bastard. Couldn't just play tummy sticks could you?!

Patti said...

Is that a picture of you with one of your cocks up top? Man, it's HUGE! I don't know how you ever could've hid such a sport for so long playing with one that size. At any rate...300 years? That means you'll be eligible for parole like 2 months later right?

Jenny! said...

Yum, fish!

It's Me... Maven said...

:) Mmmmmmmm! Cock!

Jenny! said...

Mave is so right...mmmmm cock is so much better!

Yeah Him said...

If you do get invited into the federal pound me in the ass prison, at least you will be eligible for conjugal visits, which is more than I can say for the current state of a lot of people's lives.

~ Stacy ~ said...

Cock-a-doodle-doo!

Yeah.

Dyck!! said...

Hor - You should know. They're in your mouth.

ADW - Do you have names for them?

Mistress - How about we act out a little "fantasy" of our own?

Patti - I'm already out on good behavior.

Maven & Jenny - There's plenty of cock for both of you!

Him - Depends on who visits me.

Stacy - Is that all you got?