7/22/2007

Calling All Nerds!


It's the moment you've all been waiting for. It's the long anticipated final installment of my phenomenally successful series of books about that beloved young assclown. I'm talking, of course, about Mighty Dyckerson's Hairy Pooter.





For those of you who are unfamiliar with my Hairy Pooter, I'll give you the Dyck's Notes version. Hairy is a fictional character, a young boy from the town of Dingleberry who suffers from chronic flatulence and explosive diarrhea. Each book follows Hairy's misadventures as he roams the countryside in search of a cure for his uncontrollable colon. You never know where our poopy protagonist will strike next, but where ever he goes, our Hairy Pooter always manages to make a big splash.

The final saga, Hairy Pooter and the Buttocks of Fire, begins in Hairy's bedroom when his mother catches him playing with his magic wand. Mortified, the young Pooter accidentally releases a poisonous cloud of noxious gas into the air. He then sets out on a journey to save the residents of Dingleberry from death by asphyxiation. Along the way, he encounters scary monsters, bloated babblers, sedated gorillas, and evil half-&-halfs. He also meets and falls in love with the beautiful Princess Poon from the nearby town of Cunnilingula. Together, Pooter and Poon whisk away to the bowels of the Earth (a.k.a. Walmart) in hopes of finding poorly made gas masks at discount prices. But the store is too large for our young heros to navigate, so Hairy Pooter marks their path with a trail of steaming fresh turds. Sadly, a sassy blonde slips on a turd while shopping for birth control pills in the pharmacy, leading her to sue Walmart for emotional distress.

What will happen to Hairy Pooter and Princess Poon? Will they be able to save the people of Dingleberry in time? The only way to find out is to visit your nearest Barnes & Noble restroom and get in line with the other morons, because that's the only place you'll find my Hairy Pooter. Indeed, my Hairy Pooter is truly an amazing tale...and at over 400,000 pages, it's well worth the $599 price tag. Comes with a built-in web browser and 2 megapixel camera!

31 comments:

Antonio said...

I can't wait for the spinoff, "Hairy Cooter and the Curse of Chlamydia".

karla said...

Is that all you do, daydream about me? Don't make me call the cops on you for stalking again. Remember, it's okay to look, but once you cross the threshold of the upstairs window, it's a criminal offense.

puerileuwaite said...

Okay, but throw in "Hairy Pooter & the Close Shave", and you've got yourself a deal (it's the one with a magical carpet, which does all the munching).

Sassy Blondie said...

I don't even think I can formulate an adequate response to this one! LOLOLOLOLOLOL

tfg said...

We really need to start being nicer to Karla. Look at her myspace page--all her friends are gorgeous. Maybe if we stop referring to her hoo-ha as the Hell's Gate, maybe she'll hook us up with them.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Tony - Where have you been? Hairy Cooter got killed off in volume 7.

Ms. Babble - Maybe if you didn't pull your shades up before you wax your legs. There's only so much a man can take.

P - You're in luck. That one is coming out in paperback.

Blondie - That was adequate enough. Now show me your ta-tas.

TFG - Isn't she a little OLD for a MySpace page? What is she looking for, a babysitter?

Scary Monster said...

Still sounds to me like yer tryin to palm offa few more of them goddamned i-phones. Disguising pooter, hairy or otherwise as a completely different hand held instrument is a scam of the worst sort.Better watch out fer back orders.

ADW said...

Princess Poon sounds interesting. I need more information on her though...

mutleythedog said...

I think I have met this gut - does he hang out in a Bar in Picadilly?

Ryan said...

I have my tent and some canned corn, and I am ready to camp out for days to be first on line for this epic.

Jenny! said...

Does Professor Snatch appear in this installment as well???

RevRee said...

Just because I'm a half & half, doesn't make me evil!

I'm suing!

tfg said...

If those chicks want to play the babysitter and the lecherous, yet well endowed, father, I'd be OK with it.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Monster - There's only one hand-hand instrument in my palm right now, and it ain't a phone.

ADW - Princess Poon won't tell you much. Her lips are sealed.

Mutley - No, this Hairy Pooter doesn't like sitting on barstools.

Ryan - Let me know how it goes. I'll be happy to autograph your Hairy Pooter.

Jenny - I'm afraid not. She came down with a yeast infection.

RevRee - True. You're only half evil.

TFG - Careful. The last time I picked up a babysitter on MySpace, I was greeted by Chris Hansen and a camera crew.

~ Stacy ~ said...

LOL! Once again you prove that your imagination is astounding, Mr. Dyckerson. Thanks for the laughs.

Beth said...

I knew it!!!!! THAT'S where I know you from....Dateline!!!! Sheesh, took me long enough, huh?

I think I like Hairy Cooter more..

Anonymous said...

Poop. Hahahahahahahahahahaha..L

ADW said...

Dyck - that's just nasty and nigh on impossible if our valiant hero - Harry Pooter - makes good on his rescue - how else would she thank him?

latt├ęgirl said...

His ass doesn't look hairy to me; the book should be about a battle with raging cellulite.

Webmiztris said...

Cunnilingula...ha! I love it. That is one cottage cheese ass that Hairy has....damn!

i voted for ya, btw. :) I'm not one there because there's no "Most Likely To Offend by Saying Fucking Gay" category. ;)

Jenny! said...

Isn't there a pill she can take for that???

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Stacy - Who's imagining??

Beth - I got something for your Hairy Cooter right here.

L - Get control of yourself.

ADW - She would let him tie her up and pour honey on her.

Lattegirl - That was book #1. Where have you been??

Miz - Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Jenny - How should I know? Check your medicine cabinet.

Sassy Blondie said...

That ass picture is really disturbing, and while I like that I bilked Walmart, I don't like that I had to slip on shit to do it. I'm just sayin...

Scary Monster said...

That fuckin ass looks like two bowls of regurgitated ricotta cheese. Christ-all-mightyblog, me gonna add a new layer of vomitous substance to Hairy's pooter.

By the way, ya got the sympathy vote, ya dirty bitch.

SLURP!

will you PLEASE turn off the word veri-bullshit. me too damn fucked up to deal with that shit!

Stick said...

Like my new avatar?

One Wacky Mom said...

OMG...you're hilarious. Who would let themselves be hit by a drunk driver???

We're in the same awards category for "blogger most likely to be arrested"...but after reading this...I think you win.

You had me ROTLMAO! 35 years old isn't too old for adoption! Who told you that? I'm still a kid and I'm 50.

Jenny! said...

So I like voted for you...where's my I Love Dyck button???

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Blondie - Do you want to be in my damn book or not??

Monster - I got a few four letter words for you to verify.

Stick - That is a fine looking pooter.

Mom - You're 50??! Damn, that's practically DEAD. Give my best to Tammy Faye when you see her.

Jenny - It's right here in my pants pocket. Come and get it!

Sassy Blondie said...

Ok, ok! You artists are SO sensitive! Will you be shipping copies soon? XOXO

Jenny! said...

I hope it doesn't prick me!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Blondie - Yes, just give me your home address.

Jenny - Marry me.