6/29/2007

A Post About My Post

As I was perusing through the Mighty Blog archives the other day, I came upon a rather startling realization. I have written 288 quality posts since 2005, and NOT ONE of them is about my penis. Sure, I've made a lot of references to my junk over the years, but only as an aside while discussing other matters. I've written about poon, miracle asses, super colons, explosive diarrhea, and Katie Couric's boobs...but I've never written about my wang. Today I'm going to change that.....



My schlong is approximately 11 inches in length and 5 inches in diameter.* It has a vein that runs along the back and a small hole at the tip. When I was a baby, a doctor took a pair of scissors and cut off the little piece of skin around the tip. This procedure is called a circumstance.





It feels very nice when I touch my cock, which I do quite often. Sometimes I lay in bed and rub it until it gets big and hard. If I rub it long enough, creamy liquid squirts out of it. After the squirting stops, my weiner gets soft again and I fall asleep for a while.





I find it quite fortunate that human males are able to reach their own dongs. If our arms were just a few inches shorter, we would have to rely solely on others to stimulate us. Plus it would be really hard to aim when we urinate.









I take great pleasure placing my tool inside the vaginas of highly attractive women. In fact, the more attractive the woman, the greater the pleasure I experience. Women seem to enjoy it as well, so it is a win-win for everyone involved. Sometimes women ask me to wear a prophylactic. I am always happy to oblige, but I usually stick a small pinhole in the tip when they aren't looking.




When a vagina isn't available, which is most of the time, I enjoy inserting my salami in a large variety of household objects. Such as the vacuum cleaner hose. Or a freshly baked apple pie. Or a cat. (Don't worry, the cat is dead.)







I think that pretty much covers it. If you have any questions about my meatcicle, I'll be happy to address them in the comments section of this post. Thank you for reading.




* When I say approximately, I mean REALLY approximately.

25 comments:

Sornie said...

An interesting look into your world of schlongs. I find the eleven inches quite relatable as that is initially what a friend told my wife-to-be at one point. Boy, was she ever disappointed...

Anonymous said...

hahahahahahahaha! WOW! who's johnson? LL ... shit i could use a drink!

Tyler Durden said...

Actually, I DO rely solely on other females to stimulate me. Well, now that I think about it, that's what I imagine when I am jacking off. Nevermind.

Scary Monster said...

There be no WAY you can make me belive you aim when you pee.

SQUIRT.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Sornie - I'll bet she was...especially after seeing my 14" kielbasa every night.

Lindsay - If you're thirsty, I got a water fountain right here for you.

Tyler - Funny. When I'm fornicating with a woman, I think about my right hand.

Monster - Damn, I was hoping to slip that past you...but you caught me. BELCH.

latt├ęgirl said...

You are a sick puppy.

Legaleagle said...

"My schlong is approximately 11 inches in length and 5 inches in diameter"

So what do you tell people that can count and measure?

Sassy Blondie said...

Dyck-You can't really think we'll believe that the cat is dead, do you? I'm turning you in...

Also, would you really have us believe that attractive females allow you to insert anything anywhere near them?

Come on...

Webmiztris said...

the train picture tells quite the story..LOL! if you're as big as you say, I'm sure it's nowhere NEAR as loose as a train going through a tunnel when you fuck!!

Antonio said...

Is the cat dead before or after you fuck it? Because the only thing better than getting off is killing animal while you're getting off.

karla said...

I wish I had gone to church instead of visiting your blog today.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Latte - WOOF!

Eagle - I will not stand for that kind of disrespect on The Mighty Blog. Apologize at once or face dire consequences!!

Assy - You're BANNED!!!

Miz - I suppose it depends on the size of the tunnel, now doesn't it?

Tony - Hard to tell. It just kinda lays there and takes it like a good pussy should.

Ms. Babble - I didn't know the Church of Satan had Saturday services. Maybe I'll see you at the spaghetti supper on Wednesday night.

blog Portland said...

Judging from the pictures my Mom sent me, 11 inches is a bit of an overstatement.

tfg said...

You can reach yours? I've got to use a tripod just to whiz.

Just telling it like it is said...

Shocking, yet I could not stop ready...ummm that cat is not very attractive I hope that is not the one you are using...on the other hand...
I had a high school friend who became a parole officer she told me that one of the guys he had to check up on used to like to have his way with chickens if you know that I mean...and ummmm that is a true story...he had to register as a sex offender of animals...and had to stay at least 500 ft away from chickens...

Little Lamb said...

I rated your blog at my blog.

Ari said...

that is some funny stuff, yes you are correct sir.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

McFatty - You measure it your way, I'll measure it mine.

TFG - Damn, you must have really short arms.

JTILIS - Sounds like quite a guy. Was he allowed to go to KFC restaurants?

Lambo - You have a blog??!!

Ari - Thank you, Clydesdale breath.

latt├ęgirl said...

He might be a big woofie dog, but I must admit he has a sense of humour. Stupid and sick as it may be. I myself am listening to Sirius country music and I don't know why. But it makes me mist up at the very thought of the married men out there, such as Dyck.

With really big dicks. Oh, the humanity.

Sassy Blondie said...

You're a paradox, Dyckerson...

Jackass Jenn said...

what size are the tires on the DyckMobile? that's the true measure of a man's worth....

Just telling it like it is said...

OMGosh I forgot to ask if dead chickens were his thing too..if they were I am afraid KFC would be part of the 500 deal too!!!

Little Lamb said...

Uh, no I don't have a blog, it's more of a personal diary.

Jenny! said...

Poor poor pussy, that is so sad that they aren't lucky enough to be dead like the cat.

~ Stacy ~ said...

Wow! Now I know why T-Rex is so feral. Sexual frustration stemming from short-arm syndrome.

Interesting. I've learned two new things today. Thanks.