6/05/2007

POON

If you were to stop me on the street and ask me what my favorite word is, I would look you straight in the eye and answer without hesitation, "POON." I'm guessing this is why people don't stop me on the street. In fact, most people tend to avoid me at all costs. Nevertheless, it is my goal today to convince you that poon is the absolute greatest word in the English language.

If you don't know what poon means, I refer you to the good people at UrbanDictionary.com, the world's foremost authority on poon-like words. According to their site, poon is a noun referring to "a female's genital organ (vagina)." They provide this example: "I fucked Karla last night. She's got a tight poon." I find it odd that they would use Ms. Babble as an example. Her poon hasn't been tight in 20 years. But I digest. Often, POON is used in conjunction with the word TANG, although this is against my personal poon policy. POON and TANG are two completely separate entities. POON is pussy; TANG is a powdered orange beverage enjoyed by astronauts. There is no correlation whatsoever.

For me, the beauty of POON isn't so much its meaning. I just love the word itself. It has a child-like silliness to it. I dare you to say "POON" out loud three times without laughing. IT CAN'T BE DONE!! Sometimes when I'm in a bad mood (which is ALL the time), I'll spontaneously shout the word POON and all my troubles are instantly forgotten. Sure, I get some strange looks from my friends and loved ones, but fuck them.

To the medical community, I say take heed! If laughter truly is the best medicine, then POON is the miracle cure-all you've been waiting for. If a patient comes to you with stage XXXVIII cancer, skip the chemo. Just prescribe a few cc's of POON and he'll be feeling better in no time! Of course, he'll probably die because you skipped the chemo...but that's none of your concern.

POON rhymes with a multitude of other funny-sounding words - coon, loon, goon, prune, cartoon, macaroon, spitoon pantaloon, and Pat Boone. Because of this, POON can be substituted in countless titles to create amusing puns. For example, the 1941 classic, "Poon Over Miami" ... or the Cher hit, "Poon Struck" ... or the Gary Cooper western, "High Poon." Or that great old game show, "Name That Poon." The possibilities are endless. Try it at your next party or get-together. It's guaranteed to be a crowd pleaser!

Bottom line, POON is something we can all get into. We need to unmask its power and expose it for all to see. Only then can we ever hope to live in a world of peace and harmony.


27 comments:

ADW said...

I myself like the following:
Reservoir Poons
Some Like it Poon
You've Got Poon
Gone With the Poon
and
Poon Fiction

However your suggestion to unmask the power of the poon will, I fear, be met with harsh criticism. By unmasking the power, you will also unleash it at full force resulting in a world where men become nothing but objectified sex slaves who are here to serve only the poon....

On the other hand, I am not sure if I would have a problem with this new world overtly ruled by poon. I will have to poonstulate upon it some more before I make my final decision.

Scary Monster said...

Poon Poon the magical treat.
Me likes it more than a couple of teats.
Me does it wet, me does it dry.
When Me don't get it, Me starts to cry.
Me takes it used or fresh and clean.
Me monster covers it with salty cream.
Shaved or bushy, pierced or inked.
Poon is great, even when it stinks!


Does this tribute allow me to become one of the members of the Mighty blog club? And can me put yer badge on me blog??


STOMPALODEOOOO

Webmiztris said...

Funny Poon-related story...

One time me and my husband were at my friend's daughter's b-day party (she was turning one) and her whole family was there. We were sitting by the little girl's grandma and aunt. Suddenly my husband loudly blurted out, "Wow, these poonani sandwiches are really good!". They were actually PANINI sandwiches. I could have killed him, I swear.

karla said...

I will not be goaded into defending or discussing the tightness of my poon, except to say ANY poon must seem cavernous to someone with a penis that looks like a toothpick. That's why Dyck usually sticks to romancing squirrels and field mice.

Anonymous said...

oooooh...haaaaa...karla burned you good dude! eeeeeeehaaaa! talkin' bout dyck's twig and berries!

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Best Poon Movie Quotes Ever:

40-Year-Old Virgin: I'm going to go get some poooo-oooooon.

Full Metal Jacket: If I'm going to die for a word; My word is poon tang.

Planet of the Apes: Get your poons off me, you damn, dirty apes!

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Love the word Poon. Have you met Paul Poon? He e-mailed me once several weeks ago and I blogged about it. And for about a week afterwards, I was, like #5 on Google for the word Poon. It was sweet.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

ADW - Well you didn't understand the game, but thanks for playing. Clearly your poon has no power to unmask.

Monster - Wow, you're a regular Robbie Frost! Me think your poetry may be famous someday...after you're dead, of course. Feel free to steal me logo.

Miz - What a lovely story! But if they were tuna sandwiches, I'll have to side with your hubby.

Ms. Babble - My wang does not look like a toothpick...although it can be used in the same part of the body, if you know what I'm sayin'. And I think you do. ;)

Anon - Lindsay, is that you??

Dr. K - You really know your poon movies. I bet you'd do well at Trivial Pursuit: Poon Edition.

Cherry - I don't believe I've had the pleasure, but I've heard nothing but wonderful things about Paul and his family. A great bunch of Poons, no doubt.

tfg said...

As a game show enthusiast, I don't know how you could forget about Name That Poon.

Beth said...

ahhh, dyck, I love you man. Poon. Yes, there is much power in the Poon....all women know that. Men will do anything for a little bit of poon....and you better stay away from my squirels!!

tfg said...

And what about the James Bond flick: Poonraker?

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Maybe you will overtake Cherry for poon google searches on your site. Wait, three more: poony-poon-poon. That should do it.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

TFG #1 - As a person who supposedly knows how to read, I don't know how you could miss the fact that I did not forget Name That Poon!

Beth - I'll stay away from the squirrels if you stay away from their nuts.

TFG #2 - What about it??

Dr. K - That's the pooniest thing I've ever heard, poonface.

blog Portland said...

You should spend more time in retirement homes. Those old WWII vets fucking love to say poon. All fucking day. They're like smurfs, where every verb and adjective is replaced by poon, i.e., "I'd like to pooning poon that nurse's poony poonani."

tfg said...

I like to drive around on the beach in my poonbuggy.

Ann Nonymous said...

Favorite Indian Restaurant:

Punjab (pronounced...POONjob)

Kadonkadonk said...

Poonani is the very best way to say poon hands down.

And for the record, apparently an office full of supposed liberal environmentalists apparently doesn't like it when someone is yelling POON! three times in a row on a Thursday morning. Fuckheads.

ajooja said...

Love me some poon.

I actually had a conversation about whether the sate would allow me to get "PUNANI" on my license plate.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

McFatty - What are you doing hanging around in retirement homes?

TFG - To each his poon.

Ann - I hear it's dark and smelly there.

Kadkdonaoondaok - You should've started out with GLOBAL WARMING!

Willo Keays said...

This versatile word can also be used in Song titles. Why you've got "Poon River" and "Blue Poon." Not to mention - for you Latin lovers - "Poon Over Miami" . A flashback to the 80's "New Poon on Monday." And finally an old time favorite - Grandpa Dcykerson might enjoy "By The Light of the Silvery Poon."

latinbombshell said...

You forgot pontoon!

Penny said...

I came across your blog tonight. I haven't laughed this hard in a really, really long time. Thanks! I love you site already!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Willo - Don't forget "Harvest Poon"...

Bombshell - Do you have a twin sister named Manola?? If so, I want to see all four of your ta-tas!

Penny - Thanks, you obviously have a great cents of humor! Get it? Penny? Cents?? Sometimes it's so easy, I'm ashamed of myself.

Aza said...

Your post reminds me of one of my mind numbingly stupid stories. I apologize in advance....

One afternoon in June I sat on a small dune with my pet baboon and raccoon within the little cocoon of my private commune completely attune with the shallow waters of the lagoon. I played a little tune upon my bassoon trying to win the heart of a tribune tycoon as he dined upon maroon Saskatoon and cardoon. The atmosphere seemed more Cameroon than Cancun. That evening we rode in a pontoon decorated with a festoon as we serenaded great Neptune under a Blue moon. He began to croon which made me swoon! Upon the horizon stirred a monsoon though for all I knew it was a typhoon. Anyway, the timing was so inopportune! I wanted to win the fortune of this goon without having to deal with the honeymoon.

Sadly he thought I was a loon. “Who cares!” I thought “He is a picayune and his dick is probably the size of a prune in desperate need of being hewn”. My attitude quickly grew impugn so within his eye socket I drove a harpoon. Deep down inside I felt like a pantaloon even though he was the buffoon! How could he possibly be immune to the poon? He must be gay.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

I'm speechless. You're quite a poontificator.

latinbombshell said...

You shit eating grinning monkey, what you talking about? If I wasn't so half white trash Lohan trying to type out some word vervs for you, I'd have ya! Let me tell ya!

bustopher said...

Well it's a marvelous night for a poon dance.

I'll see you on the dark side of the poon.

Blue Poon of Kentucky keep on shining.

Fly me to the poon.

Yes, I'm being followed by a poon shadow. Poon shadow, poon shadow.