6/01/2007

Lindsay Fully Loaded


Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay. What are we going to do with you?

Normally I don't like to talk about celebrity gossip on The Mighty Blog. I prefer to engage in intellectual discussions about the most important issues of the day - like foreign objects I find lodged in my cornhole. For example, just last night I extracted the crescent wrench I had been missing for over a year. No wonder I was having so much trouble getting through airport metal detectors! But that's neither here nor there.

The subject today is Lindsay Lohan's recent self destructive behavior. I happen to know for a fact that Ms. Lohan reads my blog on a semi-regular basis. I'm sure you've read her comments. She posts under the nom de plume "Anonymous." Anyway, I think the time is come for something I like to call an interception. This is not to be confused with an intervention, which is where a bunch of idiots gather together and back their addict friend into a corner and force him/her to admit she/he has a "problem." Well I'm not into that psychobabble mumbo jumbo. Much like the great Dr. Phyl, I like to tell it like it is. So without further ado, let us begin the interception...

**********

Lindsay Lohan, you are a drunk and a pothead. Your movies suck and so do you. Actually, I kinda liked "Mean Girls," but that's only because of Rachel McAdams. Not that I wouldn't bang you anyway. Most certainly I would. I would bang you with great vigor and then toss you to the curb like some unwanted object that one would normally toss to the curb. (I like to call that intercourse.) But as far as your acting goes, well, you suck there also. You're a no-talent, overpaid, spoiled little brat. You have way too many freckles, and I don't care for that either. You're currently at minute #42 in your 15 minutes of shame. You've had more run-in's with the law than Ms. Babble has had home pregnancy tests. That's a helluva lot of run-ins. You're spiraling downward faster than a turd in a newly flushed toilet.

I tell you these things not to hurt you, but to help you - to help you understand why nobody likes you. Some call it tough love; I call it easy hate. Either term applies, as it is both tough to love you and easy to hate you. Please take whatever money you haven't squandered on booze and crack and get the fuck out of Hollywood. Find yourself a little hut on a remote island someplace where there are no TV cameras and stay there til you die. You can take Paris Hilton and Britney Spears with you, but let me bang them once before you go.

**********

This concludes our interception for today. Coming next week: Rosie O'Donnell. Now if you'll pardon me, I think I just found my needlenose pliers. Man, this is gonna hurt.....

26 comments:

Kelli said...

I'd rather hear about the foreign "objects" you pull out of your ass, it's much more entertaining. It saddens me really that you have stooped this low

Anonymous said...

yeah. screw all these dumb broads.

tfg said...

It saddens me that the pliers have stooped so low.

Legaleagle said...

You'd tap Britney and Paris? That's a new low, even for you.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Stench - You must not know me very well. I've stooped MUCH lower.

Anon - Lindsay, isn't it past your past your bedtime? I thought it was lights out at 10pm.

TFG - Got any KY?

Eagle - Keep in mind I would double bag both of them.

Aza said...

I can’t tell if she’s getting ready to cum or crap in that picture. That bothers me.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Aza - Either way, some upholstery is about to be ruined.

Sassy Blondie said...

Classic! Please just remember to wear your love glove. Those skanks have made the rounds.

~ Stacy ~ said...

"...and then toss you to the curb like some unwanted object that one would normally toss to the curb."

LMAO!

Actually, as I spit coffee all over my keyboard in a fit of laughter, Bob said: "Wha- No wait. You're reading Dyckerson's blog aren't you? I'm not even going to ask you to read it out loud."

[heh]

All right, now don't let that compliment go to your ass. You've got enough crap crammed up there as it is.

Kelli said...

Pecker, I think we've "met" c'mon. come up with a better "cum" back
lame really

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Blondie - Thanks for the tip. I think I have a used one in the trash somewhere...

Stacy - I hope you were drinking decaf. Otherwise you could short circuit your keyboard.

Stench - You know you love me baby. *Smooches*

Bob Dorannes said...

Q: What's the difference between Britney and trailer park trash?

A: Trailer park trash won't fuck Kevin Federline.

ADW said...

Wow that is tough love. But would you really fuck those girls??? Seriously, I think there are twenty-dollar hookers that are less skanky than those beyothces and you have a better chance of coming away STD free with the hooker.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

I love that photo of Lindsay. Tell me, Dyckerson, what do you think she's dreaming about with a facial expression like that?

blog Portland said...

I think we all know what you would do with Lindsay had you come across her in that state.

Webmiztris said...

no, dyck, I'M a pothead....

the stuff Lindsay is on is MUCH more destructive than pot! she's a coked-out whore!!

latinbombshell said...

If they are in your ass, are they really foreign, darling?

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I lost a lot of items recently, and I blamed my roommate, who took a bunch of stuff when he moved out. He fessed up to some items, but not the air mattress. I hope it's not, in reality, in my butt, and I REALLY hope it doesn't inflate before I can get it out.

andy said...

Oh Dyck, you had me at "Cornhole."

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Bob - Look everybody, a special cameo appearance by Mr. Stacy! 'Tis an honor and a privilege. Now get out.

ADW - If I was drunk enough, I would.

Cherry - You answered your own question. She's probably dreaming about a facial.

McFatty - I'd cum across her in any state!

Miz - Nobody's perfect.

Bombshell - Well they were foreign to my ass before I put them in there.

Dr. K - I wouldn't stand near any fans if I were you.

Andy - You can't go wrong with the classics.

karla said...

Man, if I had a nickel for every time I've been compared with Lindsay Lohan.

Although now that you mention it, I'd be happy just having a nickel.

Scary Monster said...

Me has been back and forth about this post and me can't sit on the fence any longer (That's cause the barbed wire be aggravating me rectal itch) Me once were in love with the lovely Lohan, but now me wants to just pull a monkey wrench out of yer Mighty butt and crack her one across the eyebrows.

Trouble said...

Can't we please stop talking about these hoes as if they matter? If there is one species that the world never seems to fail to overproduce on, it's coke-snorting whores.

Beth said...

YAY!!!! I was FINALLY able to get on here and leave a comment....now I forgot what I was gonna say. shit!

Oh, about Lindsey blohan.....you know you'd like to do her. How was that for a smart comeback?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Ms. Babble - Are you feeling OK? Nowhere in your comment did you make fun of my small peni...I mean my penis!

Monster - There's no need for violence. Just set her house on fire.

Trouble - Did I say she mattered??

Beth - You sure put me in my place.

Antonio said...

AHAHAHA @ easy hate. I definitely need to work that into my vocabulary.