Bob Barker: "I Quit Dis Bitch!"

Today you fuckers are in for a real treat! I recently sat down for an exclusive MIGHTY BLOG interview with my idol BOB BARKER, who is retiring this month after an unprecedented 50 years in broadcasting! Here is the transcript:

Dyck: Bob, you hosted The Price is Right for 35 seasons. And before that, you hosted 17 years of Truth or Consequences. And before that, you worked in radio as a...
Get to the point, dipshit. I know my own fucking bio.
Dyck: Right. Sorry. Anyway, what would you say is your most memorable moment from TPIR?
Bob: Probably the time that chick's tits fell out of her tube top when she came on down. Man, that gave me a boner. Then there was the time I banged all three Barker's Beauties at one time. Yeah, that one was definitely better.
Dyck: Umm, okay. Tell me, how come you always used that long skinny microphone?
God, people ask me this damn question all the time. Look, I happen to enjoy performing with a big black dildo in my hand, okay? You got a problem with that??!
Dyck: Perhaps I should change the subject. Are there any plans for a "Happy Gilmore" sequel?
Bob: Fuck no. Everybody talks about my fight scene with Adam Sandler, but that wasn't even the best part of the movie. My favorite scene was when I got into a brawl with two illegal aliens who were doing some landscaping on the golf course. I told those spics to go the fuck back to where they came from or I'd cut off their heads and shit down their necks.
Dyck: What happened next?
Well let's just say they should have listened to ol' Bob.
Wow, I don't remember that scene.
It wasn't in the script. And it was edited out later.
Oookaaay. Let's talk about your work with animal rights. Do you plan to continue that?
Bob: Fuck animals. I only did that shit for the publicity. You know how I celebrated my retirement? I drowned a sack of puppies in my bathtub.
That's horrible!
You're telling me. Took me an hour to get all that hair out of the drain.
Going back to The Price is Right...Who do you think should be your replacement?
Bob: Oh, Jesus H. Christ.
Sorry, just asking.
Bob: No, I'm serious. I think the Lord should host. He's the only guy who even comes close to filling my shoes. Of course, he'd need to get a haircut. That hippie look just doesn't fly in daytime.
Dyck: Last question. Bob Barker, how do you want to be remembered?
Bob: As a rich muthafucka who got lots and lots of poon.
Well said. Thank you for your time.
Before I go, I'd like to give a shout out to my bitch Paris Hilton. Hey Paris, you want a conjugal visit?? I got something HOT for ya right here...in my PANTS!
Dyck: Anything else?
Bob: Yeah. Get me a bag of pork rinds, asshole.

So there you have it, kids! Another MIGHTY BLOG exclusive! Be sure to tell your friends!!


ADW said...

Well, you managed to fit the word Poon in yet another blog post.

But. Seriously. Funny.

I can imagine good old Bob really saying all of that shit.

Trish said...

You should have asked him how much Viagra he takes to even GET a boner. What is he, like 100 years old?

tfg said...


Anonymous said...

i told paris about this 'mighty blog' but she don't care. she's into god now, not sex and stuff. Lindsay

Dixie said...

I imagine that is just how Bob Barker really is.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

After reading your interview with him, I realize that Bob and I have a lot in common.

PS -Poon Poon Poon

Beth said...

I didn't know he liked pork rinds...poon, yes, but pork rinds?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

ADW - Bob's a badass mofo yo.

Trish - 100 years old?? Hell, he has liver spots older than that.

TFG - Fuck you, you fucking farting robot!

Lindsay - God can have her. It's you I love now.

Dixie - Bob's a badass mofo yo.

Cherry - I doubt that. Bob likes chicks.

Beth - Who doesn't like pork rinds? Eat pork rinds! Eat dead pigs!

tfg said...

If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times; suck my dead pig.

~ Stacy ~ said...

Heh. You said 'poon'.

"... drowned a sack of puppies..."

YOU are one sick puppy.



I laughed.

Patti said...

God this is so much better than the snoozefest ACW hosted this week.

oh wait, that was my fault. But sidenote: Poon Pork Rinds....good idea or bad?

Dawn said...

I had no idea Bob was so badass!

Legaleagle said...

Bob Barker is an dickhead. And Jesus' middle name is Brian -- it doesn't start with H. Everyone knows that.

Yeah Him said...

Obviously, Jesus H bowed out since Bob is pushing Rosie for his replacement.

There has obviously been a change in who is making world events happen.