6/12/2007

Bob Barker: "I Quit Dis Bitch!"

Today you fuckers are in for a real treat! I recently sat down for an exclusive MIGHTY BLOG interview with my idol BOB BARKER, who is retiring this month after an unprecedented 50 years in broadcasting! Here is the transcript:


Dyck: Bob, you hosted The Price is Right for 35 seasons. And before that, you hosted 17 years of Truth or Consequences. And before that, you worked in radio as a...
Bob:
Get to the point, dipshit. I know my own fucking bio.
Dyck: Right. Sorry. Anyway, what would you say is your most memorable moment from TPIR?
Bob: Probably the time that chick's tits fell out of her tube top when she came on down. Man, that gave me a boner. Then there was the time I banged all three Barker's Beauties at one time. Yeah, that one was definitely better.
Dyck: Umm, okay. Tell me, how come you always used that long skinny microphone?
Bob:
God, people ask me this damn question all the time. Look, I happen to enjoy performing with a big black dildo in my hand, okay? You got a problem with that??!
Dyck: Perhaps I should change the subject. Are there any plans for a "Happy Gilmore" sequel?
Bob: Fuck no. Everybody talks about my fight scene with Adam Sandler, but that wasn't even the best part of the movie. My favorite scene was when I got into a brawl with two illegal aliens who were doing some landscaping on the golf course. I told those spics to go the fuck back to where they came from or I'd cut off their heads and shit down their necks.
Dyck: What happened next?
Bob:
Well let's just say they should have listened to ol' Bob.
Dyck:
Wow, I don't remember that scene.
Bob:
It wasn't in the script. And it was edited out later.
Dyck:
Oookaaay. Let's talk about your work with animal rights. Do you plan to continue that?
Bob: Fuck animals. I only did that shit for the publicity. You know how I celebrated my retirement? I drowned a sack of puppies in my bathtub.
Dyck:
That's horrible!
Bob:
You're telling me. Took me an hour to get all that hair out of the drain.
Dyck:
Going back to The Price is Right...Who do you think should be your replacement?
Bob: Oh, Jesus H. Christ.
Dyck:
Sorry, just asking.
Bob: No, I'm serious. I think the Lord should host. He's the only guy who even comes close to filling my shoes. Of course, he'd need to get a haircut. That hippie look just doesn't fly in daytime.
Dyck: Last question. Bob Barker, how do you want to be remembered?
Bob: As a rich muthafucka who got lots and lots of poon.
Dyck:
Well said. Thank you for your time.
Bob:
Before I go, I'd like to give a shout out to my bitch Paris Hilton. Hey Paris, you want a conjugal visit?? I got something HOT for ya right here...in my PANTS!
Dyck: Anything else?
Bob: Yeah. Get me a bag of pork rinds, asshole.


So there you have it, kids! Another MIGHTY BLOG exclusive! Be sure to tell your friends!!

14 comments:

ADW said...

Well, you managed to fit the word Poon in yet another blog post.

But. Seriously. Funny.

I can imagine good old Bob really saying all of that shit.

Trish said...

You should have asked him how much Viagra he takes to even GET a boner. What is he, like 100 years old?

tfg said...

Poonerific.

Anonymous said...

i told paris about this 'mighty blog' but she don't care. she's into god now, not sex and stuff. Lindsay

Dixie said...

I imagine that is just how Bob Barker really is.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

After reading your interview with him, I realize that Bob and I have a lot in common.

PS -Poon Poon Poon

Beth said...

I didn't know he liked pork rinds...poon, yes, but pork rinds?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

ADW - Bob's a badass mofo yo.

Trish - 100 years old?? Hell, he has liver spots older than that.

TFG - Fuck you, you fucking farting robot!

Lindsay - God can have her. It's you I love now.

Dixie - Bob's a badass mofo yo.

Cherry - I doubt that. Bob likes chicks.

Beth - Who doesn't like pork rinds? Eat pork rinds! Eat dead pigs!

tfg said...

If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times; suck my dead pig.

~ Stacy ~ said...

Heh. You said 'poon'.

"... drowned a sack of puppies..."

YOU are one sick puppy.

Yeah.

Okay.

I laughed.

Patti said...

God this is so much better than the snoozefest ACW hosted this week.

oh wait, that was my fault. But sidenote: Poon Pork Rinds....good idea or bad?

Dawn said...

I had no idea Bob was so badass!

Legaleagle said...

Bob Barker is an dickhead. And Jesus' middle name is Brian -- it doesn't start with H. Everyone knows that.

Yeah Him said...

Obviously, Jesus H bowed out since Bob is pushing Rosie for his replacement.

There has obviously been a change in who is making world events happen.