6/24/2007

The Agony Of De-Feet

Did you morons hear about this shit??! It's an article about that teenage chick who got her feet whacked off while riding on an amusement park attraction. Undoubtedly this was a tragic, horrific incident. Certainly nothing to joke about. But I'm going to do it anyway. And as you read along, see if you can count how many tasteless foot amputation jokes I have included. Enjoy!!!

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So there's talk that the girl's family might sue Six Flags. Not to sound callous, but I don't think she has a leg to stand on. I mean, the ride did exactly what it was designed to do: It dropped several feet at once! But seriously folks, I'm sure some poor Six Flags employee will get the ax. I just hope he gets a nice severance package. I understand an investigation is still ongoing - sounds like they're dragging their feet on this. What a bunch of loafers. After the accident, they searched for witnesses...but all they found were ten little piggies.

But there is some good news. Surgeons were able to re-attach the girl's lower extremities. I'm not sure how they got her feet to the hospital. I guess they called a toe truck! All kidding aside, that's gotta be an expensive procedure. I wonder who's going to foot the bill for that. Of course, it's well worth every penny - especially since the girl's legs had been unevenly cut. I heard they had to stick a phone book under the shorter leg to keep her from wobbling.

Seriously, enough of these corny jokes. How could something like this be allowed to happen?? Frankly, I'm stumped. The inspectors are the real heels here. They're always telling us how safe these rides are. Well somebody sure put their foot in their mouth this time. I wouldn't blame that girl if she made Six Flags her arch enemy. I pray for her sole.

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So how many jokes did you find? If you said 17, you are CORRECT! Feel free to add your own in the comments section. C'mon, you know you've got one! See you in Hell, suckers!!!



"A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer."

Mitch Hedberg
1968 - 2005

28 comments:

Tyler Durden said...

Hopefully she will get a good lawyer if not she's gonna shoot herself in the foot and will not have a leg to stand on. I'd hate to be in her shoe.

blog Portland said...

I can't stand some people and there opportunistic lawsuits. Seriously, you give 'em a foot, and they take a mile.

Scary Monster said...

I heard that when the ride finally stopped they were merely two feet off the ground! And if two more people had gotten hurt they would have been six feet under.

STOMP!!!!! Fer real.

Kadonkadonk said...

One footnote: I would love to have those power stilts attached to my legs in place of my feet. How awesome would that be?!

Antonio said...

OK, I don't have any jokes, but I laughed my ass off!

This girl faces a long recovery process. She just needs to remember that the longest journey begins with a single step.

so I lied

Webmiztris said...

Dude, you are making me feel like a total asshole for laughing, but that is some seriously funny shit! Nice job. I envy your writing style. :)

ps. I LOVE mitch hedberg...god, I miss him.

Sassy Blondie said...

Dyck! I'm so trying not to laugh! That's TERRIBLE...and I'm marking off the ole Superman ride on my visit to Six Flags Over Texas in a couple of weeks.

The poor girl will need someone to foot all of her medical bills.

Jenny! said...

I have a seat reserved next to me in hell with your name on it! She won't be asking her boyfriend to suck her toes anytime soon!

ADW said...

Is it just me or was there no Poon mentioned is this post?

It's Me... Maven said...

That Hedberg quote wrapped everything up in a feces festooned bow:) Thanks for the laughs!!

Willo Keays said...

This brings Dyck's foot fetish to new heights.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Tyler - That would certainly be a step in the right direction.

McFatty - If you give them two feet, do they take two miles??

Monster - Actually, I believe she was two feet ON the ground. PLUNK!

Kadiodknodkaknk - That would certainly put a spring in your step!

Antonio - Recovery will indeed be difficult, but hopefully she'll be standing on her own two feet before long.

Miz - And I envy your ta-tas! Whip 'em out!!

Sassy - Six Flags Over Texas...and Two Feet Under Superman?

Jenny - Actually, her boyfriend can still suck her toes. She doesn't even need to be in the same room.

ADW - You're right. When it comes to poon, I've really been pussyfooting around.

Maven - You're welcome. Care for a PB & Toe Jam sandwich?

Willo - Yep. Two feet higher, to be exact.

Ryan said...

Interesting foot note to this story, because of her injuries her employer gave her the boot.

Legaleagle said...

There is something fundamentally wrong with you. But it works for you.

latt├ęgirl said...

Wow. Those inspectors are going to have to toe the line from now on.

Jenny! said...

Hehehe...never thought of that!

~ Stacy ~ said...

[chuckle]

You are soooooo bad.

Sornie said...

When I heard this story Friday morning, I wasn't even dragging my feet one bit as we prepared to go to the local amusement park featuring a ride which is almost an exact replica of that one.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Ryan - That's OK. I'm sure she'll land on her feet.

Eagle - Did you say fundamentally...or just mentally?

Latte - True. It won't be an easy feat.

Stacy - I'm glad you got such a kick out of it.

Sornie - My, you're a brave sole!

Legaleagle said...

Dyck --

A little of column A, a little of column B. But, again, it works for you.

The Legal Eagle.

tfg said...

I can't believe that you made light of such a tragic situation. In an unrelated note, have I ever told you about my footlong?

Aza said...

What's that Lassie! There's trouble afoot in fun-land!?

Sassy Blondie said...

Two feet under Superman? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Gone are the days when you'd just lose your sunglasses on these rides...

puerileuwaite said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
puerileuwaite said...

Geez, just when I thought I had you pegged, you still manage to kick it down a notch. Now all I can do is disgustedly arch my eyebrow and reconsider setting you up with Eileen. Instead I'll introduce her to Bob the limbless swimmer. And don't try talking me out of it either: I'm not about to flip-flop. Enough going toe-to-toe with you on this issue. I've made my stand.

Ramblings from an Old Woman that lived in a shoe. said...

Mighty Dyckerson went past my site where I care not what the fuck you post,,,to get to my 6 week old granddaughters picture site...where he posted this comment

there once was a boy from Nantucket
who's dick was so long he could suck it
he said with a grin
as he wipped off his chin
if my ear was a cunt, I would fuck it

You should all be very proud of your hero...

MY SPACE JUST TURNED ALL THEIR KING AND QUEEN KIDDIE PORN BLOGGERS OVER TO THE FBI...MAYBE IT IS TIME BLOGGER DID...

Mighty Dyckerson said...

TFG - No one is interested in the size of your bowel movements.

Aza - Makes you paws and think, doesn't it?

P - Please don't cut me off from Eileen. I may have offended her, but her wounds will heel. Soon we'll be together, living footloose and fancy free.

Old Woman - Oh shut the fuck up and piss off already, foot breath.

~ Stacy ~ said...

Making friends again, Mr. Dyckerson?