5/25/2007

Ode to Randomness

This is a poem
About a hot chick named Randomness
And the Dyck who adores her
My God, he's a handsome mess

Her lips are like rubies
Glistening 'neath the sun
Her jugs are like melons
I'd like to squeeze each one

She comes from a state
That's known as Nebrasker
She won't update her blog
No matter how many times I ask 'er

She works in a deli
Surrounded by trolls
I'd like to lick her sweet hoo-hah
And her stinky asshole

She doles out macaroni
And salad and meat
To clueless customers
Who don't know what to eat

She likes to go jogging
In a park filled with stalkers
She once was molested
By a horny dog walker

Someday I shall travel
To her hometown of Lincoln
And ask her in person,
"What the hell were you thinkin'?!"

And then we'll embrace
And I'll grab her sweet hand
We'll have a quickie wedding
Won't even hire a band

Then we'll retire
To our honeymoon suite
We'll dial up some porn
And I'll cum on her feet

When she tries to get up
She'll slide 'cross the floor
She'll fall flat on her face
And I'll probe her back door

She'll scream in a rage,
"What the fuck are you doing?"
I'll slap her behind and say,
"My darling, we're screwing!"

She'll reach in her purse
And spray me with mace
She'll proclaim, "My God, you're a freak!
Get me out of this place!"

She'll leave me alone
In our room with the porn
And flee back to her home
While I toot my own horn

She'll get an annulment
And pawn her diamond ring
They'll realize it's fake
And won't give her a thing

I'll lay in my bed
And stare at the moon
Wondering if I'll ever again
Taste her sweet poon


23 comments:

It's Me... Maven said...

Hmmm, should Karla and I be jealous? Such prose!
Such word smithery!

Goodness!

karla said...

Why do people say you're creepy? I just don't see it.

Beth said...

you are so romantic Dyckerson!!

RevRee said...

I dont even know who you are anymore...

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Maven - You and the babbler needn't be jealous. Just come on over and we'll have ourselves a little menage-a-three!

Ms. Babble - There are so many things you can't see anymore...like the tops of your feet. (You know, 'cause you're pregnant, and your big fat belly is in the way.)

Beth - I know. Sometimes I turn myself on!

RevRee - Sure you know me. I'm Bobby Friggin' Frost!!

Scary Monster said...

Incredible. Me be brought to tears by the deep emotional expressivness of yer words.

Randomness in lonely Lincoln Nebraska be lucky to have the Mighty love Knockin on her back door.

Gotta be gettin back to choppin onions.

SPUNK.

Yeah Him said...

And it's not even Valentine's day!!

puerileuwaite said...

First Charles Starkweather. And now the Clown. Hasn't Nebraska suffered enough?

RevRee said...

"RevRee - Sure you know me. I'm Bobby Friggin' Frost!!"

I don't get it...

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Monster - Do not weep, my green slimey fiend. Hold those onions underwater when you chop 'em. SLICE!

Him - No, although I am wearing my pink heart boxer shorts.

P - They should be grateful for the attention. Nothing else ever happens there.

RevRee - Robert Frost...American poet..."The Road Not Taken" and all that crap...any of this ring a bell??

WHERE THE FUCK IS RANDOMNESS??!!!!

Legaleagle said...

You know just what to say to make a girl all squishy inside... or to take out an restraining order, I haven't decided which.

Ellie's Mommie said...

Dyck you are dreaming
Stop wasting your breath
She wouldn't blow you a kiss
If it was you last breath

My cousin is dreamy
She's just got everything
The brains and the bust
And a little cha-ching

But no matter how much
You strut and you dance
An old fart like you
Doesn't stand a chance

Webmiztris said...

omg! that was the most beautiful thing I've read in minutes!!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Eagle - Get back to me when you decide. I hate fence sitters.

Mommie - Stop trying to drive a wedge between me and Randomness. Can't you see our love is real??

Miz - Yeah, like a MILLION minutes! Am I right??!

Anonymous said...

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favour fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

karla said...

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Dyckerson is a fucking nutjob
who is two psychotic episodes
away from killing and eating a
librarian in an alleyway

Crunchy BC said...

"WHERE THE FUCK IS RANDOMNESS!!!!"

Guessing from the tone of your poem, frozen in pieces in your Frigidaire I fear.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Anonymous - OK then.

Ms. Babble -
Roses are red
Violets are magenta
I hope a swarm of scorpions
invade your hoo-ha
and eat your baby's placenta.

CBC - Don't be ridiculous. I have a Whirlpool.

tfg said...

I'm as up for a good schnogging as the next guy, but Nebraska? I sincerely hope she's got the Kama Sutra memorized.

It's Me... said...

... and don't forget double-jointedness, tfg! The Kama Sutra only goes so far!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

TFG - I don't think they can read in Nebraska. But hopefully she at least studied the pictures.

Maven - You think of everything.

~ Stacy ~ said...

OMFG! That was funny!

I may have to reward you with a forklift poem.

Ms Smack said...

My panties are moist.