You know, it's really amazing how many people read The Mighty Blog. People you would never suspect in a thousand years. People like...oh I don't know...MY BOSS'S OLDER BROTHER. Make that my boss's VERY LARGE older brother. Seems he did a Google search for "dork" and somehow stumbled upon my last blog entry, in which I said some not-so-flattering things about my boss. Big brother saw the pictures, read the stories, and was able to put two and two together. And today, things at work were a little.......well, awkward.

I tried to explain to him that this was all just a HUGE misunderstanding. I mean, you guys know what a kidder I am, right?? Go ahead, tell him! Seriously, post a comment explaining what a joker I am! PLEASE!!! I'm always saying silly stuff I don't really mean! In fact, this whole blog is really just a big joke!! I'm laughing now just thinking about it! Ha ha ha...hee hee...heh...cough...ahem.

Anyway, let's set the record straight. I don't think of my boss as a dork or an ass. Not at all. He's actually an extremely intelligent, witty guy - the textbook definition of "cool." For anyone to say otherwise is simply laughable! I mean, this is a man I truly respect and admire. Honestly, I think of him more as a mentor than a boss. And as for his wife, I think I may have said something about her being a hag with no musical talent. I didn't use those exact words, but you get the idea. Well it was all a JOKE!! I've seen her picture, and she is actually quite fetching. Way out of MY league, that's for sure. And that child of theirs? An ANGEL. Yeah, she might be a LITTLE slow at times, but who among us isn't? Personally, I blame the media.

And then there's his BMW. If I recall correctly, I believe I referred to it as a piece of shit. Again, KIDDING!! In truth, it's quite the opposite. I couldn't help admiring the exquisite German engineering this afternoon as I was washing and waxing it in the parking lot. The man is really a snappy dresser too, if I may say so. Lots of designer clothes in his laundry basket. He has quite the eye for fashion.

In closing, you guys may not be hearing from me for a while. I'll be working ten hours of unpaid overtime each and every day including weekends. That is, unless my kind and generous boss could find it in that huge heart of his to forgive me. Now if I could just get his big brother to remove my left leg from my anus.....


tfg said...

Your boss identified his brother solely on the basis of pictures of his ass?

Legaleagle said...

I don't know whether to be disturbed or impressed by the fact that the boss' brother can recognize the boss' ass. I can't say I know my siblings that well! Regardless, your blog made me giggle out loud. I am officially adding you to my blogroll!

Aza said...

Whoa, whoa, whoa! No back peddling here, sweetheart. You just told me not even two hours ago on the phone what a douche your boss and his entire family is and how did you put it?… Oh, yeah, I believe you said “After I was through with his *cough*dycklicking*cough* wife the other night, well, lets just put it this way…I own that hoe’s ass! Hehehe, if you know what I mean, Aza!” Well now, after reading your newest entry here I’m not so sure I know what you mean after all.

Now I’m just confused.

Little Lamb said...

I didn't know you were kidding. I thought you always told the truth. You made your boss look like he was a very funny man and made a fool out of him.

Boy are you in trouble. Didn't I tell you it could go either way for you?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

TFG - Apparently they're very close.

Eagle - Flattery will get you everywhere! I shall do the same.

Aza - You're such a joker! Ha! OK, now tell everybody you're kidding. Go on, tell them! TELL THEM!!!!

Lambo - At least I didn't call my boss a slut in front of the whole office.....

Pud said...

I'm with TFG, your boss's brother was able to identify his own brother just by pictures of his ass? And why was your boss's brother looking up dorks in Google? Sexual fetish? I think that may be something to hold over your boss's head so you don't get fired.

Anonymous said...

I think you really like his foot in Uranus.

the dude said...

Personally he should feel honored to have been made fun of by the Dyckerson. If he has any other feeling then he is clearly a bigger douchebag than you describe on the internets, emails, media forums, letters to the newspaper editor, billboards, your blog, other blogs, and carvings into trees.

Beth said...

maybe you'll end up like Dooce...amd make bookoo mucks from being fired for your blog!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Pud - Good Lord, it's a BIT. Can't you people just go along with it??!

Irish - Uranus is the name of a PLANET. What the hell is wrong with you?

Dud - Come on, I never carved a tree.

karla said...

Now I know you're bullshitting. No one reads this blog wasteland but me and your 5 other commenters, most of whom are presumably related to you. Stop trying to be Dooce, pretending your blog is getting you in trouble at work. You'll have to settle for being Douche.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Who the fuck is Dooce???

Yeah Him said...

Said Googler must really have some time to search - either that of you must have paid to be bumped up on the list of dork searches. I don't know too many people who go beyond page 2 in any search and that's really pushing it.

~ stacy ~ said...

Admit it. You just wanted to see how many people would now go and Google the word 'dork' just to find your page.

You're such a goofy clown. That's why I adore you.

...And wth? Is March 'Ass' month on the Mighty Blog, or what. Did you grow weary of severed penises? This post should have been titled: "Mighty Dyckerson's Mad Ass-Kissing Skillz".

Or something to that effect.

It's Me, Maven... said...

The the backpedalling begin! :)

MD: I don't know what you're concerned with regarding your boss' brother, I mean, you've posted here with nothing but the very best of intentions and with the heart of a true Christian man. I wouldn't worry about the asshole, er, uh, I mean, "the boss' brother."

Scary Monster said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Scary Monster said...

Me thinks you have to go to church right now! You be a bad clown Mr. Mighty Dykerson and yer soul needs saving! Lord! I say, Loooorrd!Forgive this sinner!
If you can pardon Krusty that malefictitious bozo, then you have it in your power to find the good inside the Dyke.
Mr. Dykerson, drop your banana and get thee to a confessionary!
Kneel at the alter and pray for your very soul!


Me thinks me would make a pretty good baptist, STOMP!

Crunchy BC said...

Having recently blogrolled you, I was worried that I might have been the portal for your Boss's brother. Then I remembered - nobody reads my blog. Whew.

puerileuwaite said...

Allow me, O Evil One, oops, I meant "O Company One", to craft a petition on your behalf.


Dear Mighty D's Boss,

Please be advised that MD's previous post originated from a recent online discussion that a bunch of us were having in one of our philanthropical forums.

We were lamenting the fact that all of "the good leaders" seem to get taken from us way too early. Caeser, Gandi, JFK, Bobby Kennedy, MLK, Lincoln, Tupac, and - of course - Anna Nicole.

So we had a thought: perhaps the excess praise that was heaped on those folks served as a lightning rod of bad karma pointed directly at their asses, unaware.

Well let us tell you that everyone sat on their cans and did nothing. Everyone, that is, EXCEPT for your "take charge" subordinate. He vowed that he would NOT lose the man he had so much admiration for, to a premature ejaculation of fate.

This is not unlike a poignant scene from "The Razor's Edge", where Bill Murray learns that it is easier to get over the devastating loss of a cherished friend by loudly complaining about the fallen amigo's annoying traits. MD was simply - as any effective employee would be - being "proactive" in this regard.

For you see, one never knows when their number may be up. Perhaps their desktop will fail, resulting in a cascade of poorly constructed cube components on top of them and their neatly arranged Skittles. Maybe an adjacent cube-mate will accidently trip with letter opener in hand, piercing both cube wall and the aorta of the beloved occupant on the opposite side.

And those of us who would be devastated by such a loss, would be best served by NOT remembering all of the wonderful qualities that brought untold enrichment to their lives. And so, mental masturbation in the guise of the classic "addition by subtraction" argument, is the protection of choice.

MD also tearfully mentioned that he only made disparaging remarks about your wife and daughter in an earnest attempt to allay any fears that he coveted what you have. Even though he does. Shit, who doesn't? And as an avid churchgoer (there's one across town that is constructed entirely of non-flammable materials), he understands that somewhere there's a rule that coveting is bad.

Finally, he understands that the BMW is a fine automobile. After all, it is popularly used as a taxi cab in Europe; and we all know that companies only pick the very best automotive products for fleet purposes.

Sincerely yours,
VD (Vouchers of Dyckerson)

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Him - Thanks for totally missing the joke.

Stacy - You're probably right. I was too busy trying to find a way to work forklifts into the post.

Maven - I knew I could count on your support. I owe you.

BC - If you're going to shamelessly plug your blog, at least give us a URL!

P - Sweet lord, what a comment! Someday I may even take the time to read it. Now where are these philandering forums, and how can I join in??

It's Me, Maven... said...

PS: I read CBC's blog... "I shit therefore I exist." I ain't "nobody."

~ Stacy ~ said...