2/18/2007

I Can't Please Anybody

Dear Mr. Dyckerson,

I am Mrs. Gladys Clumpstein of Syracuse, NY. You may recall when I wrote to you about a month ago about my son Stewart. I loved that boy with all my heart and soul, up until the time the little fucker went and died from a seizure caused by staring at the blinking lights you used to have on your delightful blog. I asked you to remove those lights, and you kindly obliged.

In the last month, I have come to a startling realization: My son was really quite worthless. He didn't do anything except eat, piss, and shit. Hell, if I wanted that, I'd just get a fucking dog.

And I can't say I honestly miss him. We've spending his college tuition on Eagles memorabilia, and we've turned his old bedroom into a computer room...which brings me to my reason for writing today. I want the blinking lights back. I want them back with a vengeance. I want my dead son's bedroom illuminated solely by the pulsating glow of your blog on our computer screen.

Please. Make it so.


Dear Gladys,

Your wish is my command. I share in your hatred for your son, and I hope these new blinking lights help intensify your loathing just a little bit more. Be well.


8 comments:

andy said...

DAMN YOU, EAGLES-LOVER! You could just couldn't resist a chance to pigeonhole those guys in here, could you. Son OF a bitch.

I'm starting to wonder if you ARE Don Henley. or you at least have a creepy Eagles-closet-shrine with locks of his hair and all your dirty laundry. you've even been to Winslow, Arizona, haven't you, you sick fuck.

tfg said...

Now, if you can just get the fecal graphics to blink, too.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Andy - Let's get down to the heart of the matter. My will is getting weak, and my thoughts seem to scatter.

TFG - In good time, my friend. In good time.

Baron Ectar said...

Why do I picture a old woman naked on a pole in her sons room with a webcam just for you?

Mr. Fabulous said...

If I stare at the blinking lights long enough, I can see little Stewart being ass-fucked by Satan...

~ Stacy ~ said...

It's lovely, Mister Dyckerson, just lovely.

[grin]

Were you dippin' into my stash?

DykesDog said...

Damn, you know that I have epilepsy, and you still pull this crap ...

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Bacon Eggar - I don't know why you picture that. I guess you're just a sick man.

Mr. Fab - You don't have to stare. The video is on YouTube.

Stacy - I tried to, but I think I got one of your birth control pills instead.

Dyke - Put duct tape around the edges of your screen.