A Conversation With ... LAMBO

For those of you who don't know, Lambo used to be my comedy partner back in the vaudeville days. We performed under the name "Dyck & Lamb" - she was the straight man and I did the jokes. We eventually broke up and went our separate ways, but over the years, we've kept in touch via AOL Instant Message. Sometimes we like to get plastered and do one of our acts for old times sake. Such was the case last night. Here's an actual transcript from our AIM session.....

Dyck: I dropped a pretzel under my couch.
Lambo: Are you going to go get it?
Dyck: I'm debating...
Lambo: when did you drop it under there?
Dyck: 1997
Lambo: No you didn't. You didn't even live there then
Dyck: Of course not - Do you think I'd live in a house where there are pretzels under the furniture?
Lambo: maybe
Dyck: I don't even like pretzels.
Lambo: then why is one under your couch?
Dyck: Because I didn't want to eat it.
Lambo: why buy them then?
Dyck: How else am I going to put them under my couch?
Lambo: Hmmm, you have a point there
Dyck: Hey, this is good shit. Mind if I put it on my blog?
Lambo: go right ahead. It's your blog. Are you going to use my name?
Dyck: I shall call you Lambo.
Lambo: Well ok, but I was hoping you call me Little Lamb
Dyck: Come pick up this pretzel and I'll call you whatever you like.
Lambo: Ok, be right over.
Lambo: When can I expect this post to be up?
Dyck: Probably sometime next summer.
Lambo: I was hoping it would be sooner. I might not be alive
Dyck: Sorry, this week I'm beginning a 40-part series on the Joy of Feces.
Lambo: You haven't even start it yet
Dyck: It's in the can...no pun intended.

I would like to emphasize that this was a real conversation that actually took place. I would also like to emphasize that this is the kind of time-wasting shit that keeps me from getting laid.


Little Lamb said...

We do keep in touch. I even speak to Revree on occasion.

Dyck got me involved with blogging.


Baron Ectar said...

I see there is hope for me to get laid now. Of course I can think of better ways to lure women.

Me said...

Are you still taking it up the dumper?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Lambo - You and RevRee like to fantasize about me, don't you??

Bacon Eggar - Keep posting that sentimental crap on your blog, and you will most definitely get laid.

Bustack - Fix your fucking blog.

Little Lamb said...

Dyck, we don't talk about you.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby: "Dyck got me involved with blogging."

Gee, thanks for that.

tfg said...

I thought it was the chancres that kept you from getting laid. My mistake.

andy said...

Dude, don't promise the "joy of feces" and then not deliver. Not cool.

RevRee said...

I only rub one out and fantasize about you when my boyfriend isn't around...

blog Portland said...

Stop being modest. When you posted that video, we all saw the sex swing you have hanging in your living room.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Lambo - Why the fuck don't you??

P - Yeah, I don't know what came over me.

TFG - I'd be offended at that...if I knew what a chanchrecher was.

Andy - Sorry, I've been a little bound up lately. I think it's the cheese.

RevRee - So in other words, every night.

McFatty - It's a beauty, ain't it?? Grandpa Dyckerson handed that down to me.

Little Lamb said...

I don't know. We've got other things to say.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I'm looking forward to the feces piece. Doody humor makes the world go 'round.

It's Me, Maven... said...

Dyckerson... is that a pretzel rod in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

~ Stacy ~ said...

Wow. So chatting with you in IM is always this exciting, eh? Whoda thunk it?

Manola Blablablanik said...

Can I lick the salt off your pretzel?

karla said...

I think I can read between the lines of that conversation. You and Lambo had a lot of anal sex back in the day, and he broke up with you after your AIDS test came back positive--but his love for you lingers on even though he'll never hold you in his arms again. That's sweet. Totally gay, but sweet.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Dr. K - Sorry to burst your bubble, but I've decided to save the feces piece for my book. You'll have to fork over $19.95 to read it.

Maven - Yes, it is. May I dip my pretzel in your mustard? (I don't even know what that means.)

Stacy - Not as exciting as driving a forklift, but pretty close.

Manola - It's a big pretzel. How's your gag reflex?

Ms. Babble - That's how much you know. For your information, we're still together...in spite of the AIDS.