1/13/2007

Tip Your Waitresses

And now, a few blog impressions...


RevRee: "Hi I'm RevRee and I'm a half-&-half! Last night I was at this bar, and I met this guy with gorgeous hands! I took a grainy picture of his hands with my cell phone and then I showed him my boobs and we made out! Now here's a list of different kinds of kisses! Oh did I mention I'm a half-&-half??!"

Bostick: "Hi my name is Bostick! I'm a 40-something year old white man but I talk like a 15 year old black boy! Fuck yeah to the bizitch! Did I tell you about the time I picked up a hooker at a bar and she shat on my chest? How about the time my cat sprayed shit in my face? Or the time I crapped in my own mouth?? Here's a recipe for Chicken Soup and a picture of my wife's ass yo!"

Willo: "Hi I'm Willo Keays a.k.a. Hush Willo a.k.a. HushHush! I'm so excited about the upcoming auditions for Surviving With The Biggest Loser! I want to have Jeff Probst's baby! You can read all about it in my password protected post! My blog got three hits from somebody in Timbuktu today! Stay tuned for another post in five minutes! Meanwhile the chat room is open!"

Ms. Babble
: "Hi I'm Karlababble and I caught syphilis in my hoo-hah from a truck stop toilet! Hoo-hah is a funny word that I like to say! Hoo-hah, hoo-hah, hoo-hah! Yesterday I waited 16 hours to see my gynecologist! While I was gone, my son got his head stuck in the microwave oven while my husband was watching Days Of Our Lives on Tivo! There's another funny word! Tivo, Tivo, Tivo! Wombat is insane and Dyckerson has a small penis!"

TFG: "Hi my name is TFG! I like to post pictures and videos of weird shit I find on Google! Here's a picture of a funny street sign! And here's a picture of a two-headed goldfish! And here's a video of a cartoon animal having sex with a little boy!"

Jmeped: "Hi my name is Jmeped! I work with a bunch of crazy loonies in a flower shop where I make pretties all day! My co-workers and relatives are all really strange! I'm sick of blogging so I'm going on hiatus! Okay, now I'm back! I like to bleach my clown's shorts while he shoots confetti at me!"

Stacy: "Hi I'm Stacy! Today my husband Bob wrote another passage in our never-to-be-published book! And here, I wrote a poem about it which will also never be published! I drive a forklift for a living! It's very tiring even though I only work one day a year! Tune in tomorrow for Tuesday Thirteen! Then it's Worthless Wednesday, followed by Fucked-Up Friday! Hi Dyckerson!!"

Mr. Fabulous: "Hi I'm Mr. Fabulous! Although nothing I write is particularly funny or interesting, I somehow manage to get a shitload of comments every time! Hell, I could post a list of stuff in my refrigerator and I'd get 184 comments in five minutes!"


Thank you, you've been a great audience.

23 comments:

Bostick said...

Dear god.. That is pretty damn funny. Karla is going to fuck you up and I am 31 y.o. yo. I did grow up poor and black. My skin lightened up from eating too much wonder bread.

Word Verification is still on.

karla said...

Hi! My name is Dyckerson, and lately I find that raping small boys isn't enough to fulfill me. I want to branch out into more meaningful activities, like raping even smaller boys. it's been weeks since I could think of anything interesting to blog about, so I've had to resort to harassing better bloggers than myself, mostly out of jealousy. Uh-oh, I just realized there's not one racial slur in this whole paragraph! Let me rework this and update it later. HEY! Who took my penis pump?!

Thuper Fag said...

Hi my Name is Mighty Dyckerson and I am gay and dont know it yet! One day I want to settle down in Key West with a nice man and open a Bed and Breakfast called 'escapes' doesnt that sound THuper!!OMG!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Bistack - You're only 31??! Geez dude, you've lived a hard life. I'd have pegged you for at least 43.

Ms. Babble - I take offense to that. I have never, ever misplaced my penis pump. Although once I did let my friend Leroy the Coon borrow it. So it looks like the joke is on you, crazy babbler!

Fag - Dumbass. If I opened a B&B, it would be in Vermont.

Anonymous said...

I take offence to the word 'coon' you fucker. However.. Spear chunker, Toby and Jigaboo I do not.

Big Mean Nigger said...

Im about to woop somebodys ass

RevRee said...

Bwhahahahhhahaha! Thank you so much, Dyckerson! I just worked 15 hours and this post seriously cracks me up! Maybe it's because I'm so tired and haven't slept...

~Half & Half

Anonymous said...

LOL - Bostick you crack me up - you dont look 15 though what is it you do to stay so young looking?!

Mr. Fabulous said...

It's like you're in my head...

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Bastock - Spear chunker??

Negro - Don't make me go all Kramer on your ass!

Rev - 15 hours?? I thought even prostitutes got a lunch break!

Bacon Eggar - Turns out feces makes an excellent anti-aging cream.

Mr. Fab - Indeed I am in your head! The echo in here is incredible.

Anonymous said...

Again, those pork rinds are turning your brain into shit. The whole mission of blog is to spread the Gospel of my Crotch.

RevRee said...

Love you too Dyckerson

~ Stacy ~ said...

You forgot "Moronic Monday" in which I discuss the many facets of Mister "Mighty" Dyckerson.

Yeesh.

Some clowns...

Click Nig said...

cLICK POP CLICK POP BRRRRRR pop!! CLICK SNAP POP...

WhiteCanadianGuy said...

Fuck you American cunts.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

TFG - At least that's better than the time you spread herpes through your crotch.

Nig - You remind me of the darkie from the Police Academy movies.

White Can - Go suck a maple leaf.

Pud said...

You got an STD or something? You sure are cranky as hell!

Willo Keays said...

I guess they say that impersonation is the highest form of flattery.

Dyck likes us .. he really - really likes us!

Anonymous said...

Ooooh, oooh! Will you make fun of me next?

blog Portland said...

Impersonations? What's next, penis puppetry?

jmeped said...

Ah, and this is the charm we all love. You just have pent up aggression because you miss me.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Pud - Pipe down, tubby!

Dr. K - Why should I? Mother Nature made fun of you when you were conceived.

McFatty - Thanks for spoiling the surprise.

Jmeped - You're right. Now show me your ta-tas!

jmeped said...

(.) (.)