Don Henley Meltdown

Recently I sat down with musician Don Henley for an exclusive Mighty Blog interview. Mr. Henley is an avid reader of my blog, so I wanted to give him a chance to address recent allegations that he is a "fag" and/or "douche." Things started out well enough, but unfortunately, Mr. Henley's anger got the best of him...

Dyck: Mr. Henley, thanks for being here today.

Don: My pleasure. Please call me Don.

Dyck: Don, you are undoubtedly the finest singer/songwriter of your generation. You started singing and playing drums in high school. You belonged to several small bands in Texas before co-founding The Eagles with Glenn Frey in '72. After the group disbanded in the early 80s, you went on to become a Grammy-winning solo artist...while the careers of your former bandmates fizzled away. Then in 1994, you reunited with The Eagles for the phenomenally successful Hell Freezes Over tour. Today, you continue to tour and write brilliant, inciteful music.

Don: Thank you.

Dyck: My first question is, are you a homosexual?

Don: No. I am happily married with three beautiful children. In the 70s, I fucked Stevie Nicks on a regular basis. And in 1982, I was busted for having a wasted 16-year-old girl naked in my bed.

Dyck: Well that's good enough for me. I believe a few of my readers have some questions for you.

Karla: Hey Don, you're a washed-up fag!!!

Don: Oooh, you can talk, you can talk, you can talk, you brave mother blogger!

Karla: Hey, that's uncalled for...

Don: Well that's what you get for interrupting the Desperado, don't you know? Throw her out! She's a blogger! She's a blogger!!!

Bostick: Don, you suck, cracker ass!

Look, another blogger! Thirty years ago, I'd have you upside down with my fucking drumsticks up your ass!!!

Bostick: Hey that's not necessary!

Don: Shut up! Shut up or I'll hang your blogger ass in a New York minute!

Andy: Uncalled for! This is uncalled for!

Don: Ooooh! Ooooh! It shocks you! It shocks you, you filthy blogger! Well take your dirty laundry somewhere else!!

Dyck: I think we better wrap up this interview. Don, I hate to do this, but I'll have to ban you from my blog.

Don: That's OK. I have to go anyway. Joe Walsh and I are going to a Barbra Streisand concert tonight. This definitely won't be a "worthless evening," if you know what I'm saying! Later!!


andy said...

Well, I feel like I've really made the big time now. Defending Don Henley's heterosexuality in absentia. I always hoped my life would come to this.

Cross that off the list!

Also, i would like to add for everyone that my non-spam verification includes the word 'butt'. Apropos, if nothing.

Tom Bailey said...

Great material. Very funny and orginal. This is my first visit here. At first I thought it was serious.


jmeped said...

Listen the dude might be way old, I mean not as old as you, but back in the day I would have laid down in some fields of something rather. Anyhoo I noticed that not one of your posts has mentioned your blove for yours truly. Fu$^&*g Don Henly doesn't bleach your shorts! What ever. Even Bob Barker gets more love around here, so I will no longer leave you insulting comments for you to shoot confetti to. Nope. Your on your own. Enjoy my silence. More than usual I mean.

Anonymous said...

Wha? That's it?

No mention of his On-Screen kiss with Andy Dick?

You dissappoint me.

ajooja said...

Is Karla a witch-ay woman?

Anonymous said...

I really thought that I was going to start a slap fight with him durring that interview.

Anonymous said...

I don't have an opinion on Don Henley either way. Thus, I will simply suggest that all of you should suck my dead pig.

Anonymous said...

I hate to admit it, but I'm totally on-board with the Don Henley / Eagles appreciation.

I saw the Eagles a long while back. And they were kick-ass then. Then a few years ago I saw them in Salt Lake City on their Hell Freezes Over tour. Good stuff.

(I also saw Joe Walsh at a small Denver theatre 5-years ago. Good stuff.)

And don't even get me started on the hot babes that you run into (in my case ... intentionallly) at the concerts.

Dare I say it? They may be "America's Beatles".

But of course this is more specifically about Don Henley. The man who, for 16-year old girls, is a "Right-of-Passage" on par with getting that first Driver's License.

So to you bashers out there ...

I Can't Stand Stll
While You're Heckling Don
Baby, I Can't Stand Still
Kiss My Engourged Hard-On

Baby, I Can't Stand Still

Anonymous said...

Oops. Wrote "good stuff" in consecutive paragraphs. I must not be drinking enough.

Anonymous said...

I put you in my post...

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Tom - Thanks for kissing my ass and sneaking in a plug for yourself. Well played. You'll fit right in here.

Jmeped - Don't be that way, my sweet clowness of desire. These other losers mean nothing to me. Besides, a single post would not be sufficient to express my blove for you. Now come into my arms while I shoot a stream of confetti deep inside you.

Bostick - You wouldn't last one round. Mr. Henley's drummer calouses would rip the skin off your face.

TFG - Fuck an umbilical cord out of your phony asshole...and I'll hang a pig with it!

P - It's nice to see I have a man of class reading my blog. Good stuff. You can comment any time you like, but you can never leave.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Bostick - I saw the mention on your blog, but I can't comment on it because Blogger is being a piece of shit tonight. Don't be dissin' Don Henley up in here!

karla said...

Go ahead, finish the post. Get to the part where you and Don got carried away by your gay passion and had anal sex while the rest of us watched in horror. I, for one, was shocked at how tiny Don's penis was. And how mangled your was.

Anonymous said...

Joe Walsh looks like SHIT, but in his defense he did spend years going "to parties sometimes until 4 . . ."

Hey, Glenn Fry had some hits too. How soon we forget "The Heat Is On" from Beverly Hills Cop.

Okay, I need to drop useless music knowledge elsewhere.

Great post!

Anonymous said...

Dear god... Karla had to remind me of your penises again... I had to go to a hypnotist to remove that filthy image from my head.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Crazy Babbler - I know you're madly in love with me, but why the obsession with my genitalia? Am I just a piece of delicious man meat to you? Besides, they say good things come in small packages.

Dr. LoudLiquid - Joe Walsh has ALWAYS looked like shit. Now he's just OLD and shitty. Never cared much for The Heat Is On. I'm more of a You Belong To The City kinda guy.

Bostuck - I can hypnotise you myself. Here, stare directly at the penis.....your eyelids are getting heavy.....you're getting sleepy.....when you awake, you'll think I'm the greatest blogger in the world. WAKE!!!

RevRee said...

Who's Don Henley? Isn't he one of the Beetles?

RevRee said...

or is it Beatles?

Crashtest Comic said...

Don Henley's a freaking drunk!

andy said...


In preparing for my latest post, I was ready to bash some Henley (future euphamism?) and my wife pointed out that The Eagles did do Take It Easy which I do believe do be an awesome song. No matter HOW INCREDIBLY gay Boys of Summer or Heart of the Matter is, that song ain't so bad.

And I kinda like Hotel California, but California is, in general, all sorts of gay. I just really hope that Don Henley decides to Google himself one day (again, euphamism...) and finds this stellar tribute. When he's done banging that Lindsay chick from Fleetwood Mac.

andy said...

OH, and apparently during the manlove we were witness to, Carla took the time to inventory everyone's gonads.

What she didn't tell you is that after you all finished she let him sign her fundies. Or fundus. I don't remember.

Come on Carla, Take it Easy! Still no good?

~ Stacy ~ said...

Oh, enough Don Henley already. It's been well milked. Besides, I have something to share now...

Mister Dyckerson, I'm so excited! You are just going to love my thoughtfulness in finding the perfect stocking stuffers for you this year. So pull that sock out of your britches and hang it over the mantle... You're getting stuffed with lots of goodies this Christmas season. Yup, Ol' Grandpa Dykerson would approve.

Stocking stuffer list:
Pooping Penguin Candy
Uncle Oinkers Gummy Bacon
Sour Flush Candy with Edible Plunger
(Comes in three toilet flavors!)
Bacon Bandaids (in case you get an owie)

And last, but not least, 'cuz this is the shizzle. (whatever that means?)
Mister Rogers in your Pocket

Merry Fucking Christmas, Mister Dyckerson!

With love,

~ Stacy ~

~ stacy ~ said...

Um, pardon the typo. No disrespect to Gramps, there.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

RevRee - This isn't the time or the place.

CTC - Look everybody, the Comic is back...and as incoherent as ever!

Andy - Cease and desist with your homophobia. Don't you know Mr. Henley has to put out a chick song now and then to keep the broads happy.

And "Carla" spells her name with a "K" - believe me, I found out the hard way. How do you think my gonads got so shriveled and deformed??

Stacy - Does this mean I'm not getting an 80-gig iPod?

Anonymous said...

Time to post dickface. Quit slacking.

Oh, and come call Betsy fat.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Bostack - I'll post when I damn well feel like it. And I'd be happy to comment on the ample junk in your wife's trunk...but your crappy beta blog won't let me post.

~ Stacy ~ said...

Um... yeah.