11/07/2006

The RLS Foundation Responds...

My last post about Restless Legs Syndrome created quite a firestorm. The RLS people are demanding equal time. So in the spirit of fairness, I am sharing this letter I just received, which I SWEAR to you I am making up...


Dear Mr. Dyckerson:

I am writing in regard to your recent blog post entitled "This Country is Fucked," in which you ridicule sufferers of Restless Legs Syndrome. As Executive Director of the RLS Foundation, and as a victim of RLS myself, I take great offense to your comments.

For your information, nearly 10% of the U.S. population is currently suffering from symptoms related to RLS. That's approximately 30 million people...or 60 million restless legs! These are ordinary, average people just like you and me. They just happen to have an uncontrollable urge to move their legs.

As sufferers, we have to live with the insensitivity every day. And the jokes - things like, "What's your favorite soap opera, The Young and the Restless Legs?"

You may be surprised to learn that some very famous people throughout history were RLS sufferers. For example, do you know why Abraham Lincoln liked to sit in the balcony when he went to the theater? Because he needed room to stretch his restless legs!

And furthermore, I...

I...

Oh, fuck it. Yeah, you're right. RLS is totally bogus. And the RLS Foundation is nothing more than a pawn for the drug companies. We're actually just a bunch of lazy bastards who get together once a week to drink beer and play bingo. And Requip is nothing more than repackaged Skittles.

But look, I've got a mortgage, a wife, and three kids with A.D.D. So I need this job! Please, please don't make me go back to that horrible temp agency!!

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Gerard "Shaky" Leggett
Executive Director
RLS Foundation





Oh, and make sure ya'll come out to our national meeting in San Antonio! Like the ad says, hold on to your hats! And your lower extremities!!


18 comments:

DykesDog said...

LMAO! Mighty Dyck, I bet you would be funny as hell sitting in one of their meetings! They don't look like skittles though. More like little small spaceships. They are out of this world. You are missing out!

~ Stacy ~ said...

Can I have some Skittles?

~ Stacy ~ said...

Please.

See, I have FMS.

That's 'Forgotten Manners Syndrome', not to be confused with 'Fundamentalistic Mockery Syndrome', which in itself, can be fatal.

andy said...

Okay, MD. You know I usually like to either criticize you, question your morals, or talk about your mom/and/or/say something funny/clever/stupid that makes me look hilarious. BUT, I have to say, that the 'Young and the Restless Legs' sentence made me laugh like I havn't in FOREVER. I seriously peed some. it's even funnier if you picture and actual show. God, I need a catheter.

Mel said...

k, I'm holding on

but I'm not wearing a hat.

Now what?

Willo Keays said...

Dyckums!!! :) Can I go to Texas with you?

jmeped said...

mmmmm...candy......I like candy......not those fuzz covered ones from the bottom of your pocket, but most candy.

Tripe Face said...

Dyck, this... THIS is funny stuff.

See even a blind squirrel finds an occasional acorn.

Tripe

tfg said...

When are they going to do something about Restless Schlong Syndrome? Sometimes it waves to people out of the passenger window without me even knowing about it.

Pud said...

I still can't get over the whole RLS thing. Just move your damn legs and be done with it.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Wow, I'm a hit! Everyone loves my restless legs schtick! I may have to create a spinoff blog just for this topic!! Keep those well-deserved compliments coming!

Luck o' the Irish said...

I wonder if Kit Kats will take care of my RMFS (Restless Middle Finger Syndrome).

flic said...

You're definitely onto something because the Foundation is (and you could see the joke right there). And the king says, Off with his legs!

Manola Blablablanik said...

Mighty! My ex-boyfriend the asshole suffered from that. Actually, I suffered from it more. Sleeping in the same bed was like sleeping through an earthquake. It really exists, though. I'm glad they found a pill for it. Now if they could only cure asshole ...

PS ... thanks for my new orange dildo! :-)

puerileuwaite said...

"Shakey", turn in your badge. No self-respecting Director would ever admit he was a phoney. I need to REMEMBER to kick your ass if I run into you at THE ALAMO.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Luck - Only if you tie a bar to your hand.

Manola - Are you sure it was his legs that were restless?

P - Silence!

karla said...

Now I'm pissed. Those fuckers at Restless Vagina Foundation don't even answer my letters. That's just irresponsible.

Anonymous said...

In our experience, RLS is associated with "hidden venous reflux." The following is an explanation of how & why you have RLS:
There is a very high correlation between RLS and venous reflux. We have been studying this condition and treating it successfully for over 20 years, and we presented a paper on the subject at the World Congress of Phlebology in 2005 and we are performing studies of the clinical outcomes to treatment at this time.
Clinically most everybody has a strong opinion about this condition and there are a lot of false claims and quackery out there for desperate/gullible patients. There is no convincing evidence of a link to any neurological condition. The field of Phlebology is relatively new and is only recently becoming part of mainstream medicine. In spite of this, reflux and its significance is new to almost every doctor. It only became visible to us when we first applied ultrasound imaging as part of our examination protocol. We invented and developed the concept of venous mapping, and first published it in 2002. All venous reflux represent "short circuits" in the venous return system, and these are always well established and very diffuse in RLS patients. Refluxing blood is hypoxic (low O2 content) and contains metabolic by products including lactic acid. This acidity makes the refluxing blood a potential irritant in your leg. When the affected patient lies down or stops walking, the driving force for this reflux (mainly the calf muscle pump)ceases and the refluxing blood now becomes stagnant. This blood then becomes a much more powerful irritant, and becomes worse with time. Then you move your legs (to activate your leg muscles) so as to propel the stagnant blood forward, so making it less of an irritant. The "urge to move" is similar to an itch that demands a scratch. Only problem is that it recurs when you most need to rest.
The treatment is performed on a out patient basis and is very successful. We treat one leg at a time, so that we don't begin the second leg until you are happy with the outcome on your first leg. The treatment is directed only on the abnormal refluxing veins (typically invisible until we show you where). We use a specific version of sclerotherapy, which is designed to eradicate these abnormal veins. Conceptually, this treatment can only improve your circulation. Venous reflux in much more common in women and so therefore is RLS. Much more can be said about this condition and its treatment.
For more information you can contact the (non-profit) Venous Research Foundation at www.venousresearchfoundation.com, or call Vein Clinics of America to schedule a consultation where we will show you where the venous reflux is in your leg. 1800-660-8346.
We welcome the curious and we always enjoy surprising the sceptics. To the cynics, I say that we don't accept your money if we can't convince them during the consultation and discovery process/evaluation. Please keep an open mind because we have a very successful treatment program and an excellent reputation for what we do.

Brian McDonagh, MD