11/28/2006

Mighty Dyckerson - 85.7 / Karlababble - 86.0

That's the final score according to Blog Laughs, a blog review site.

When I saw that the crazy babbler had beaten me by a lousy THREE TENTHS of a point, I nearly dropped my pork rinds. Don't get me wrong, 85.7 is a good score, and in general, the reviewers liked my blog. But for a MERE WOMAN to beat me at ANYTHING is simply inconceivable!! How could this happen??!

Let's break it down, shall we?

The first category was CONTENT. In this category, Ms. Babble and I tied. Most of my comments were very flattering, but a few reviewers said they found my blog to be "juvenile." Juvenile??!! Oh yeah, well yo momma wears socks that smell!!!

The second category was DESIGN. This is where I lost the most ground. Ms. Babble scored a whopping 2.2 points higher than me! Based on some of the comments, I get the distinct impression that some of the reviewers didn't like my flashing lights. I don't know, something about them being obnoxious and seizure inducing. I think they're just jealous that they didn't think of it first.

The third category was QUALITY OF WRITING/GRAMMAR. Again, Ms. Babble beat me here. But come on, what do you expect? Do I look like Willie Shakespeare here?? Besides, I write most of this shit when I'm drunk.

The fourth category was INTANGIBLES. I came in behind Ms. Babble here as well. Again, reviewers took this opportunity to poon my chasing lights. That's it, I'm adding 12 more rows of lights just to piss them off.

The fifth category was FREQUENCY. Here's where I slaughtered Ms. Babble. I'm the hardest working blogger in show biz, posting nearly three times more often than the crazy babbler. I don't know about you, but I'll take three of my half-assed, juvenile posts over one of her witty, inciteful posts any day of the week!

The sixth and final category was WOULD YOU READ THIS BLOG REGULARLY. Ms. Babble beat me once again by a small margin. Not surprising, for at this point I feel this contest is rigged. In fact, I suspect Ms. Babble performed favors of a sexual nature on the reviewers in exchange for higher scores. And if this is the case, I cry foul. Especially since I would've been willing to go down on all of the reviewers if they had asked...and I guarantee I would have performed much better.


I have no ending for this post, so I'll just say fuck you all and good night.

24 comments:

andy said...

Again, I will add that I like the lites. And way to stand up for yourself. Don't let the man drag you down.

er, the whatever.

karla said...

Yet another juvenile, poorly written post.

Just kidding. Actually, you're dead-on about the sexual favors. I did indeed perform several in exchange for high marks...which is why I'm incredibly suspicious of the fact that Anonymous Coworker scored so much higher than I did. How good a blowjob can that guy give? I've gotta ask him for some pointers.

tfg said...

ACW's secret is that he incorporates eggnog into the process.

jmeped said...

I like the christmas lights, and I was looking at my own flash and missed the whole thing. I frequent your blog, mostly when I've been drinking, and need to feel better about myself. Besides who can complain about your grammar, someone has to make me look smart...

DykesDog said...

Mighty Dyck,
Your blinking lights excite me and when I need a reading light I click on your page. I love the fact that you added this feature for us hard of seeing folk.

Mighty Dyck,
I love your use of the english language. I have used many of your phrases in everyday communication. It keeps life interesting.

Mighty Dyck,
Fuck that GUY! He has no idea what he is talking about!

Anonymous said...

Yeah well Karla is a chick. And she is better lookin than you so she wins.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Ms. Babble - I just hope you rinsed with Listerine before kissing little Joke goodnight. Lucky for you, Coworker has his own instructional video and CD.

TFG - 'Jizz the Season!

Jmeped - You sure know how to compliment a guy, you cute little lesbian you!

Dyke - Who cares about that crap? When do I get to seduce your daughter??

Bostuck - That's what you think. The crazy babbler's photos are all airbrushed. She's really 90 years old and a dead ringer for Bea Arthur.

Anonymous said...

Yes I know she Photoshops her photos I saw the post with the teeth..

Anonymous said...

Karla wont even come to my blog in fear of being hated on.

Karla, please?

Anonymous said...

I didn't get my vote in on time for the hummers. Darn! For that, I vote for NEITHER of you! Actually, u both are good. Keep doin' what you're doin'.

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karla said...

Bostick: Not true. I just left a deepy insightful comment on your blog last week, I believe.

Dyck: You can tell the comment right before me (by anonymous) is spam--not because of all the links for seedy products, but because it says "You have a brilliant site." Those spammers never read before commenting.

BlogLaughs said...

Content is 70 percent of the score. I didn't realize you and Karla had the same score for content, but that makes sense with the cumulative score being so close.

I'm glad things went relatively well, but I will be the first to attest that BlogLaughs is not an exact science. The margin for error is at least +/- 10 points pending on which reviewers take part.

BTW, Karla was wonderful. ;)

andy said...

Jeez, guys, this has really gotten more interesting. Insults, blow jobs---it's just like Christmas!

Anonymous said...

You write it drunk, I read it drunk, it's a winning combination, don't ever change!

RevRee said...

Dyckerson, get ready to cut off your hands! BWHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Dr. K - Thanks. Maybe someday I'll be like you and get 4,000 commments per post.

Ms. Babble - That's not spam. That's just Mother Dyckerson (your future mother-in-law) complimenting me again. You'd like her. She could outdrink you any day of the week.

BlogLaughs - I knew I should've reviewed my own blog! As for the crazy babbler, I hope you've had your shots...

Andy - Or a Dyckerson family reunion. Take your pick.

Matt - I'll have two of what you're having.

Rev - This isn't the time or the place.

DykesDog said...

NEVER CLOWN NEVER!

Tripe Face said...

Dyck,

I golf, if a woman out drives a man from the tee, the man has to play the rest of the hole with his dick hangin' out his zipper... just to prove he really IS a man.

I suggest you have to blog for the rest of the week with your penis exposed... just to prove you aren't more of a woman than Karla.

Tripe

Luck o' the Irish said...

Promise or threat? And good night to YOU!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Dyke - Too late, we just eloped! And you're going to be a grandmother!

Tripe - I always blog with my penis exposed. How do you think I type this crap?

Fuck the Irish - Take your pick.

~ Stacy ~ said...

You know, I only read the end of this long-winded bit of, well, whatever it was about. ...And I have to say--the ending--that was pretty fucking great!

G'night, Mister Dyckerson.

andy said...

Well there you go, D, looks like Stacy enjoyed her happy ending. And I need to meet Carla's mom, too, sounds like. I can't find generic Cialis ANYWHERE anymore.

Baron Ectar said...

Oh shit - I am not a Clowns Uncle! To hell with that!