10/10/2006

Scandal!!!

My life is ruined. Read on:


Dyckersonville (AP) - Shockwaves are rippling throughout the Internets in the wake of yet another sex scandal, this latest one involving blogmaster Mightonimous "Mighty" Dyckerson. Dyckerson, who was recently tapped to host the upcoming BarkieDawg Awards on Medialine, has been accused of sending inappropriate emails and instant messages to women he has met online. People from across the country have made statements, and countless others are expected to come forward.

"At first it was harmless flirting, but then he sent me a picture of himself wearing nothing but clown makeup and big shoes," said Hushetta O. Willoski of Florida.

"He told me he wanted to videotape himself inserting foreign objects in my hoo-hah," said Karla G. Babbler of Texas.

"The filth that I read is etched in my brain forever," said RevRee A. Haffenhaffer, who preferred not to reveal her location.

"He made me bleach his shit-stained underwear," said Jmeped M. Bissesshule of Georgia.

"He is a sick man. He wanted to watch me and my best friend wrestle each other in a vat of raspberry Jell-O," said Judi U. Groadiwhore of Maine.

"Actually, I kinda liked it," said Asshton Clownopolis, the only male to step forward thus far.

Mighty Dyckerson, who checked himself into rehab this morning, was unavailable for comment. At this moment, it is unclear whether he will still be able to fulfill his hosting duties for the BarkieDawg Awards.

The ripple effect has spread all the way to Medialine's corporate offices. Amidst allegations that he knew about Dyckerson's online escapades, Medialine moderator Randy Steinman issued this statement to the press: "Dyckerson WHO?? I've never heard of this man before in my life!"

An official statement from the Dyckerson camp is expected by the end of the day.


**********UPDATE**********

This is Mighty Dyckerson coming at you live from Sharky's Rehab Center and Pool Hall on route 10, and I have to say this rehab bullshit ain't half bad! I get a semi-private room, three squares a day, and cable TV. Plus, I even found a wireless hot spot right here by the crapper!

And rest assured, Dyck fans, for I have been promised by my personal rehabbist that I'll be outta here in time for the Barkie awards. And get this: I've met several celebs in this joint, and I don't want to mention any names, but many of them have promised to make special appearances on the big show!!

Anyway, gotta run. It's time for my pedicure.



29 comments:

jmeped said...

that got an out loud evil laugh from me.

Princess in Galoshes said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Willo Keays said...

Can I smuggle contraband into you at the Rehab clinic?

Mr. Fabulous said...

It was only a matter of time before they brought you down...

DykesDog said...

See this is why I have the Mighty Dyck BLOCKED on my email account!

RevRee said...

What am I suppose to tell Dyck Jr.????

I knew this was going to happen sooner or later. You just couldn't keep it in your pants, could you?

tfg said...

Just because I cracked one off, doesn't necessarily mean that I liked it. For Christ's sake, I do that when I watch I the 700 Club, too.

Anonymous said...

What the hell is the matter with you?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Jmeped - Your laughter is music to my ears. Loud, evil music.

Willo - What contraband? This joint has free cigarettes and booze!

Fab - I'll bounce back. I've already apologized to the Jews.

Rev - Are you kidding? This will make D.J. the most popular kid in reform school.

Bostick - Where do I begin???

Willo Keays said...

"Willo - What contraband? This joint has free cigarettes and booze!"

All good and well for normal people - my friend - but for someone rehabilitating from YOUR ailment I'd think contraband would include such items as massage oil and special videos. ;)

miss_lissa said...

Don't tell me ~you're a republican...

Anonymous said...

Why do I bother reading your blog if it's just a re-run of MediaLine? At least on MediaLine
I can see naked pictures.
Although SOME posters won't put up pictures of themselves... hint, hint HushWillo.

Tripe Face said...

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
The previous example of top-notch humor was posted by Tripe Face.. but of course this crappy blog system does not allow for posts to be edited.

the psycho therapist said...

Uh, stopping by, can't stay but just had to ask you a question...

Is that your funny one-liner caption I just came across in a certain someplace?

(Don't want to say too much to alert the others. If it is you, being partner is a good thing, eh?)

Heh.
Signed,
She who got straight A's in all *her* psych classes, unlike some other dycks. (insert stupid-ass smiley here)

starbender said...

hahahaaaaaa!
:o

Pud said...

So what kind of criminal charges are you looking at? Or are they gonna give you leniency for going to rehab?

andy said...

Dude, I don't really get the problem. Didn't they watch Dateline? It's only a problem if you SHOW UP at the 14-yr-old's house.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Lissssa - Bite your tongue!

Tripe - This piece was so good, I felt a simulpost was warranted.

Psycho The Rapist - I have the attention span of a gnat. What the fuck are you talking about?

Pud - My attorney thinks he can get me off. But I wouldn't mind being handcuffed to YOU for a few months! ;)

Andy - I swear they looked 19!

Manola Blablablanik said...

Oh, those tarts are just jealous of Manola!

Kelli said...

I knew I was on to something regarding your tighty whiteys

You were supposed to keep the Jell-O wrestling between us!

Willo Keays said...

Oh Tripe - there are plenty of photos of me on my blog. You just have to know where to look.

Oh ... you said naked photos.

well ... i'm not naked in them ... but they are there.

i'd tell you where to look - but once you see them you might not want me to stalk you anymore.

puerileuwaite said...

Have they lobotomized you yet? Because I could come back if they haven't.

Anonymous said...

three questions - when r u getting out of rehab dyckums?

is it wrong to want to slap
the teacher that just came in and said "sweetheart - I'm going to need you to carry this box for me because that's not MY job."


Should I have told him I was your Sugar Moma?

hushums from work

~ Stacy ~ said...

WTF? You've never sent me a picture of your clown shoes.

I feel... cheated.

the psycho therapist said...

Gnat boy,

The New Yorker

jmeped said...

(.)(.)

Crashtest Comic said...

Thank God you're circumscized!

Jodi said...

I prefer pudding and I don't think Kelli would wrestle me in either, but it's a nice fantasy for you either way.

karla said...

This post is almost 2 months old and I'm just now finding it? It's one thing to insert things into my hoo-ha without mypermission, but it's a far worse crime to mention me in this seedy blog without telling me.