10/03/2006

Google Boycott!

Some of you may have noticed the Google ads I recently added to my blog. These ads were the product of a joint business venture between myself and ECP, our goal being to earn money for doing no work. It's a pay-per-click deal. You click the ads, and Google pays me serious coin. In the last week or so, I had racked up nearly $70 from what I feel are totally legitimate clicks. I was looking forward to early retirement in Cancun...but my dreams were shattered when I received this email today:


It has come to our attention that invalid clicks and/or impressions have been generated on the Google ads on your site(s). We have therefore disabled your Google AdSense account.

Publishers disabled for invalid click activity are not allowed further participation in AdSense and do not receive any further payment. The earnings on your account will be properly returned to the affected advertisers.

If you feel that this decision was made in error, and can maintain in good faith that the invalid activity was not due to the actions or negligence of you or those you are responsible for, such as employees and family members, you may appeal the closing of your account.

If Google decides to evaluate your appeal, we will do our best to inform you quickly and will proceed with appropriate action as necessary. If we have reached a decision on your appeal, subsequent or duplicate appeals may not be considered.


Well, you could have knocked me over with an Amish quilt! How dare they accuse me of invalid click activity!! I assure you, I shall not take this lying down. Dyckerson doesn't give up without a fight. That's why I sent off the following reply:


How convenient. I guess when you found out someone was actually making money with your shitty ads, you decided to back out of your end of the deal and refuse to pay me. Invalid clicks and/or impressions? What the hell does that mean?? Why don't you do an "impression" of a real business and fork over the $70 you owe me?

And just so you know, I wasn't just doing this for myself. Fact is, 50 cents of every dollar I've earned from AdSense was earmarked for the local Children's Hospital.* So I hope you can sleep at night knowing you're stealing from poor, sick children.

You're a total scam. I demand my account to be reactivated immediately, or I will not hesitate to contact the Better Business Bureau and demand a full investigation. I will not warn you again.


Anyway, we'll see what kind of response I get (if any). In the meantime, I am calling for a total boycott of all Google-related sites. This includes Google searching, Google video, GMail, Google Earth, Google Maps, and Google images. Yahoo rules!!!




* Complete bullshit.


38 comments:

ecp said...

I think it's important to disclose that we're not only partners in business, but partners in, well... maybe I shouldn't say afterall.

(My response to Google was a bit more tactful, since I have $114 coming to me, and my statcounter shows they made several visits to my site, undoubtedly viewing impressions of their own ads that and in fact entering my site through my Google ads on other sites!)

Willo Keays said...

If I give up Gmail .... then I'd have to give you two my REAL e-mail address. And that ain't happening! It's bad enough ECP knows who I really am - and where I live!

{was that you outside my window last night? I didn't call the cops this time ... but next time I'll sic my ferocious doggie on your butt!}

Pud said...

When you signed up to do these ads did they tell you what a "invalid clicks and/or impressions" were? Because that sounds so made up. They might as well told you they weren't going to pay you because you smell bad....which is probably true!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

ECP - Tact???! Dyck don't play like that. We're talking about some much bigger than money here. We're talking about MY reputation! I've been humiliated, and I demand atonement. 70 bucks oughtta do the trick.

Pud - Yeah, they gave me some legal mumbo jumbo about not having friends or family click your ads for you. Now I happen to know Hushwillo clicked my ads several times, despite my begging her not to. If I were Google, I'd pay me the money and sue her for damages. But that's just me.

Marcia said...

You're not the only one who I've heard of getting these emails. Google's such bullshit.

Little Lamb said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Little Lamb said...

What's wrong with family and friends click the google ads? That's nonsense. Who else is going to do it for you?

/t. said...

google
sux dyck's butt


participated
in these rip off pay-per-click deals in the late 90's, racked up some small coin, never saw a dime

still, because it's the mime (if only) this time, happy to hear it

/t.

andy said...

Right on bitch.

Fuck 'em!

p.s. that *complete bullshit line actually made me shoot lukewarm cherry coke out my nose. ACTUALLY.

~ Stacy ~ said...

Invalid Clicks: No Google AdSense user is allowed to accrue more than .05¢ per month. Anything above and beyond will be deemed invalid. So sayth the Google-Meiser.

I saw this day a'comin', Mister Dyckerson, but figured you'd handle it appropriately.

Nice demand letter.

Good luck with the "total boycott" thingy. I, uh, well... I'm currently in Googleholics Anonymous, so I doubt I'll be backing you up on that call.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Ladies and gentlemen, I do believe Lambo made a joke! Totally unintentional I'm sure, but pretty funny!

Andy - That's pretty amazing...considering you were drinking tea!

Stacy - I thought I'd be able to count on you for your support. Geez, with friends like these, who needs enemas?

Willo Keays said...

Ummm ... dyck. If Google sues me - then I'll have no moola left - and my son and I will have to moev in with you.

Willo Keays said...

God I hate blogger - can't even fix a stupid typo!

Baron Ectar said...

To Hell With Google!

RevRee said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
RevRee said...

Tell them you're half black and you're gonna contact the NCAA if they don't give you yo money

tfg said...

I'd always guessed those ads were bullshit.

Mr. Fabulous said...

Where is their main office located? I have a lot of pent up rage, and I might as well take it out on them..

funnyMommy said...

yeah.. Fuck google!!!
and her little dog too!!!

Crashtest Comic said...

Fuck Google.

They have 27 trillion dollars, and they can't give you you're crack money??!!

Don't spend the $70 all in one place--(stay out of the 99 cent store.)

karla said...

Fuck you, I'm not giving up Gmail. They can burn your house down and peel off all your skin; I'm keeping my Gmail.

jmeped said...

I clicked your google and all I got was a honk and a squeak! They should have been paying me to do you a favor. At the very least replace my bleach.

~ Stacy ~ said...

LOL @ Karla! She's scary. I admire that. [heh]

the dude said...

Does this mean you'll boycott gizoogle too. I mean if you can translate your stuff to jive then there's no reason for living.

Yeah, him. said...

Lest we forget Dogpile.

Down with the man.

Jodi said...

I can't give up Google. Yahoo's search engine makes me want to sodomize myself. Sorry, Vag, I can't support you on this one.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Mr. Fab - I'm not sure where their office is. Let me Google it and... Oh SHIT.

Crashtest - They're not going to PAY the $70...that's the whole point! Pay attention, joke boy!

Crazy Babbler - I love it when you're mean to me.

Jmeped - A honk and a squeak, eh? Sounds like our honeymoon!

Judi - Well thanx for nothing.

Little Lamb said...

If they're not going to pay you the $70 I wouldn't put their ads up. That'll show 'em.

Anonymous said...

Ha! I can get web sites on my new cell phone! AND yours is the first I thought to visit! Don't stay mad at me forever - I'm starting to miss the usual abuse.

hushums from her cell phone

Willo Keays said...

Hmmmmm .... not even just one visit to my blog today?

cash said...

Use AdBrite. Google has made a billion dollars inventing that scam to keep from paying people.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Lambo - Gee, why didn't I think of that?

Hushwillo - Reach out and touch me!

Cash - AdBrite? Is that a cleaning product??

Ben Dare-Dundatt said...

Boycott Google?! Good luck! You'd have as much luck boycotting Bill Gates!

...and to Jodi, sodomizong yourself isn't as much fun as it sounds, trust me. ...at least not the first time.

Love your stuff, Dyck. (No, not that stuff; I mean your writing.) Consider yourself added to my blogroll.

Willo Keays said...

"Hushwillo - Reach out and touch me!"

Hmmmmmmm .... that could be fun.

Ben Dare-Dundatt said...

Nice avatar, Willo.

BTW, Dyck, congratulations on your literary debut. (At least I'm assuming that the "Mightonimous Dyckerson" that Dorannes mentions in her story is you. Lord, I hope there's not two of you!)

Anonymous said...

Thats fucking retarded. Mr google is gonna come to your cave and stomp a mudpuddle in yer monkey ass

blog Portland said...

Do I really have to be the one to point out that Google owns Blogger? And I know you can't stay away from You Tube, which they just bought today.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

McFatty - Mind your own beeswax.