It's actually very simple: HALLOWEEN IS SUPPOSED TO BE SCARY. Dressing up as a cartoon character or a bunny rabbit or a fireman doesn't cut it. If you show up at my door looking like Mr. Spock, I'm going to snatch your goodie bag from your grubby little hands and take a wicked shit right inside of it. And then I'm going to beam your wimpy ass right back to your mommy's Jeep Liberty.
But don't feel bad, children. I even know some full-grown adults who don't understand this concept. One of the dipshits I work with attended a Halloween party dressed as the "Burger King." Another guy went as half of a peanut butter & jelly sandwich. (He was the peanut butter; his wife was the jelly.) What a fucking pussy-assed douchebag assclown.
So kids, take note. If you're going to celebrate Halloween next year, for God's sake, don't fuck it up like you have with everything else in your pointless little lives. WEAR A SCARY COSTUME!!! Ghosts, goblins, ghouls, zombies, ogres - they're all perfectly acceptable. And for the hot girls, you can't go wrong dressing as a slutty witch. Not creative enough for you? Fine, how about a grenade-wielding Al Qaeda terrorist? Or maybe Steve Irwin's rotting corpse...complete with sting ray barb?? Or perhaps motorcycle accident victim impaled by a stop sign??? The possibilities are endless.
There. You now have 364 days to plan for next year, so don't let me down. And if you're one of those fatass kids I keep seeing at the mall, I suggest you skip the candy altogether and do a few jumping jacks.
That is all.