9/24/2006

Putting Out Fires

Folks, I am livid. Just take a gander at what I found in my mailbox today...


Dear Mr. Dyckerson:

My name is Jorges Wongerez, and I am the president of the National Association for the Advancement of Spics and Chinks (NAASC). Your recent post entitled "I Hate People" was brought to my attention by our acting secretary, Kwang E. Chang. I believe you two have met.

I have reviewed the aforementioned blog post, I am shocked and outraged at the negative stereotypes you are perpetuating. You implied Hispanics are nothing more than promiscuous thieves and menial laborers, and you displayed an unflattering image of an Asian man with a stupid expression on his face.

Surely you are aware of the extreme disservice you are doing to our nation's spic and chink population. I demand that you remove the offending post at once, or the NAASC will file civil suits against both Mighty Dyckerson and Dyckerson Enterprises Worldwide. You have been given 24 hours to comply.

Thank you for attention to this matter.

Sincerely,
Jorges Wongerez

P.S. - Love the Google ads! I can't stop clicking on them!


Obviously this requires some serious finessing. I have drafted the following response, which should help to shut them up. Let me know if you think I left something out...


Dear Senor Wongerez:

Thank you for your recent letter. Please accept my deepest apologies for any pain I have caused your people. It was never my intention to promote negative stereotypes in any particular racial group(s). Rather, I was merely trying to convey the intense anger and bitter hatred I feel toward all people...regardless of sex, race, religion, or Creedance Clearwater Revival. I have nothing personal against your chinks and your spics. I know they can't help it that they're not white.

Furthermore, I'd like to point out that my dry cleaner happens to be of Asian descent. I'm not sure if he's Chinese or Japanese - they all look alike - but he does an excellent job on my shirts. Always the perfect amount of starch. I guess they know all about starch, what with all that rice they eat. I noticed he's also a fairly good driver, which is pretty rare for those people.

Then there is the Hispanic chick who works at the convenience store down the street from my house. I'm amazed at how polite and friendly she always is, despite the fact that she probably lives in a cramped studio apartment with 28 other illegals.

So there you have it. I hope this clears up any misunderstandings you may have had. And thanks for reading The Mighty Blog!!!

Regards,
Mightonimous "Mighty" Dyckerson


There, that should shut up those foreign fuckers!!!


25 comments:

Mr. Fabulous said...

I like it. It says it all.

Although with all due respect, I think I have been a bit more offensive to the Chinese than you LOL

DykesDog said...

Jumping Jesus! It sounds like you live in my neighborhood. Now excuse me I need to run and grab my dry cleaning!

the dude said...

You sir are going to hell, but it's funny cause it's true.

andy said...

Dude, Dyck, I'm guessing that reality TV is not your favourite, but I just HAVE to encourage you to check out the new Survior:Racism. I haven't seen anything reinforce racial stereotypes so strongly since Roots.

(p.s. thanks for the link, dude. You're slowly becoming one of my favourites to check. And I DO mean slowly...)

Willo Keays said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DykesDog said...

I just heard a bunch of fire trucks go by ... did you call them?!

Crashtest Comic said...

This is blog-polution!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Mr. Fab - You're my hero.

Dude - My place in Hell was reserved a long time ago. What have I got to lose now??

Andy - I watched a little of the season premiere...but that Probst idiot makes me nauseas.

Willo - You're getting warmer.

CC - I thought you were dead. Or was that just your career??

tfg said...

I think that Dyck is one of those black guys who plays it white because he has a deep seated hatred of his true racial identity. That and white girls are more understanding of the fact that his endowment falls very short of the accepted stereotype.

Little Lamb said...

Wow! Another Survivor fan.

puerileuwaite said...

Yeah, foreign f*cks! Who needs you bottom-feeders anyway? Not us. What have foreigners (besides the band) ever done for us? Take our stinkin' jobs with you, asswipes!

Bostick said...

I remember being in that trench. In the dead of summer with flies and mosquitos all over. Charlie all around us. The NVA was all over us like shit on stink and they were advancing on our platoon like a dirty pile of pan faced fuck sticks. All of the sudden the sun came out and the rain stopped. The steam from the earth came up like the bejesusbelt. It was surreal and quiet, too quiet... All of the sudden everything lit up like the wal- mart super center. Ching chongs were coming out of everywhere when Arnold and Slyvester came out of the trees and waxed that ass. If it wasnt for them I wouldnt be typing this shitty shit right now..

The End..

Yeah, him. said...

That's our Harry, he hates everybody....

Mighty Dyckerson said...

TFG - Just wait til tomorrow's post...

Bostick - I hear you. I knocked off a few gooks myself. But those chinky whores kept me company on many a night. "Me love you long time fih dollah." Indeed.

Baron Ectar said...

We do not have these type of folks in the town I live in. Seriously, and this is so sad,I live in a KKK town in the friggen shithole midwest. I need to move.

Bostick said...

Too bookoo no no too bookoo

Willo Keays said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
~ Stacy ~ said...

Willo,

I betcha Mister Dyckerson is a blonde.

Mister Dyckerson,

Loved the "...regardless of sex, race, religion, or Creedance Clearwater Revival." Funny stuff. (I know. I'm easy to please. So what.)

I was just telling my hubby today that I'm going to leave the country, acquire citizenship elsewhere (like Taiwan), then move back and apply for a business loan as a minority. Whaddaya think?

P.S. When did you get Google ads?

Bostick said...

Me Chinese me play joke me put pee pee in your coke

Bostick said...

Me Chinese me play joke me put pee pee in your coke

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Willo - I am the culmination of every man you've ever fantasized about...times ten.

Stacy - Good idea. While you're over there, try confessing to Jon Benet's murder. You'll probably get a free plane ride back.

Bostick - You're a sick, sick man. I like you.

jmeped said...

You can light my fire clown. I really want some smores!

Manola Blablablanik said...

Yo quiero Dycko Bell!

DykesDog said...

I forgot to tell you this, when my son went to his first high school dance I secretly went and spied on him. They refused to play any Led Zeppelin (Stairway to Heaven is what he had requested). They told him it "didn't promote school spirit" ... but they played "Baby got back" ... and "It's getting hot in here (so take off your clothes)" Go figure.

miss_lissa said...

I live in "white america"...

oh wait no I don't.

I live in an area where trailor trash meets Curry.

The only chinks we get round here are the ones who deliver my wonton soup. In return, my neighbours get jobs cleaning their toilets.

It the circle of life my friend.