9/14/2006

Dyckie's Back

Hello, my good friends. I trust you are all doing well. I just ran across this image while I was shopping online for scented candles, and I just had to share it with you.


Isn't it beautiful? Whenever I look at a beautiful bouquet of flowers, I get a little choked up inside.

The most peculiar thing happened to me yesterday. I ran into the christian bookstore after work to purchase a fresh Bible. My old one was tattered and splotched with my tear stains. Anyway, as I made my purchase, a very attractive young woman came over to me and asked me if I believed in love at first sight. I told her no, I think love is a bond between two people that only forms after a long period of friendship and mutual respect. She seemed disappointed in my response. Then she asked me if I would be interested in seeing the tattoo she had on her inner thigh. I had to decline, for I believe the human body should not be scarred in the name of art. Again, the she seemed let down. Clearly that poor woman suffers from low self-esteem, and I truly hope she seeks professional help.

You know, I was thinking. What if clouds are really angels looking down on us? Maybe it's...


Maybe...


I...


HOLY FUCKING HELL, I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!!! I SWEAR, IF I WRITE ONE MORE LINE OF THIS SWEET SYRUPY SAPPY SENSITIVE SHIT, I'M GOING TO LAPSE INTO A DIABETIC COMA!!!

OK, I wasn't shopping online for scented candles. I was shopping for BUTT PLUGS and PORNOS. And it wasn't a christian bookstore. It was an ADULT BOOKSTORE. And she wasn't an "attractive young woman." She was a FILTHY WHORE. And for ten bucks, she let me BANG THE HELL OUT OF HER behind the dumpster outside the store. Then while she was getting dressed, I STOLE BACK the ten bucks and blew it all at the DOG TRACK. HA!!!!! Oh yeah, and if you want to see a REAL work of art, CHECK THIS OUT!!!


I'd like to JAM my BIG FAT SCHLONG between those GORGEOUS TITS and ((the remainder of this sentence has been censored by Blogger)).



I'M BACK, YOU ASSHOLES!
FUCK
SHIT
PISS
CUNT
COCKSUCKER
MOTHERFUCKER
TWATLICKER




Damn, that felt good.


33 comments:

/t. said...

the inevitable
parade of puking
morons lining up
to welcome back
the real dyck,
so,
welcome back, dyck

/t.

Manola Blablablanik said...

I missed you, Mighty!

Willo Keays said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
jmeped said...

Yay! I missed you clown!! I'll be right over with the bleach.

thebillofbrothers said...

impressive

blog Portland said...

Welcome back, and way to slander so many groups at one time. Though I think you forgot about the Asians.

Jodi said...

It's about fucking time. Don't do that again.

Kelli said...

Whew! That was painful

Mighty Dyckerson said...

/t - Thank you. If only someone could write some cryptic code to help celebrate this moment...

Willo - So does mine! (At least, my ass cleavage does.)

Jmeped - Don't bring that scented shit this time.

McFatty - Don't get me started with those chinks. Why don't they learn how to drive??!!

Joni & Stench - I missed you too.

Willo Keays said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DykesDog said...

I ammmmmmmm soooooo happy to see you back Mighty Dyck!!! Another couple of days of Wimpy Dyck and I was going to add you to my people who need pimp slapped list!!!

puerileuwaite said...

Welcome back, O Evil One.

puerileuwaite said...

But would you at least consider channeling that other guy once every 2-weeks or so. His comments were some funny shit.

Chris said...

I think for $10 you must have brought home some luggage.

Mr. Fabulous said...

That's better!

You were freaking me out, dude.

DykesDog said...

Hate to tell ya this Mighty Dyck. Those weren't my boobies over at Pud's! But as a prize, you are the only one in the whole world that know's what I look like :)!!! I work in mental health and the only clown I want reading my private thoughts is you, you , you!!!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Willo - The family that reads Dyck's blog together, stays together. OK, that was stupid. Give me a break, I'm tired.

P - No channeling, but I may allow my twin brother Ryckerson do a guest-post now and then...

Chris - I have no idea what that means. I assume it's dirty.

Dyke - You work in mental health?? Well you've certainly come to the right place! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA and so on.

~ Stacy ~ said...

Thank you for the brief showing of your freakishly sweet alter ego. (Emphasis on the word, 'brief'.) To be honest, I, too, prefer the Mighty Dyck so much more than the "wimpy" one... even though he was kinda adorable in a pathetic, yet endearing way.

Yeah. Anyhoo...

I've missed you. Welcome back, Mister "Mighty" Dyckerson!

miss_lissa said...

Yeah, whatever chick said she liked a sensitive guy is a fuckin moron.

stay gold ponyboy

tfg said...

Does these mean your not coming over to watch the Joy Luck Club this weekend.

Willo Keays said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Mighty Dyckerson said...

Stacy - Yeah yeah. Show me your ta-tas.

Lissa - What the hell are you drinking in your avatar??

TFG - Actually, I have the porn version..."The Joy Fuck Club"

Willo - I see your stud finder led you here.

andy said...

Dude your comments are like gravy on the disturbingly wonderful mashed potatoes of your post. Genious. I have to admit, though, that I've particularly enjoyed the bible-banging D. It's like a Hallmark card made a story. So serene, beautiful, and blatantly sarcastic. Either way, I'll still keep a-comin no matter what.

Just like the dumpster whore.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Andy, I know a man with good taste when I see one...and clearly you are such a man. Link exchange completed.

RevRee said...

I go out for a few drink, I come back and you're healed! PRAISE JESUS!

Tripe Face said...

RevRee wrote:

I go out for a few drink, I come back and you're healed! PRAISE JESUS!

Imagine that RevRee going out for a drink... Hey Rev, give any strange men a big wet sloppy kiss at the bar?

I worry about her Dyck, I don't think you've been a proper role model for her.

So you never told us... did the sensative twit act get you laid?

Welcome back, Nimrod...

Tripe

miss_lissa said...

I'm drinking coffee...
with a shot of baileys of course.
You're the first person ever to ask me that.
Congrats.

Yeah, him. said...

All you're missing is a lot of alcohol and it could be a Bukowski!! Stay away from those religious bookstores... they'll suck the life out of you!

Crashtest Comic said...

i didn't even notice you were gone.

Willo Keays said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Pud said...

Ahhh...it feels good to have the Mighty One back.

minwah said...

Or as George Carlin said it:
shit
piss
fuck
cunt
cocksucker
mother fucker
tits

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Rev - You seriously need to join AA. (Or is it AAA?)

Tripe - No, but I got to cuddle 43 times.

Minwah - And tits doesn't even belong on the list!