9/16/2006

The Bobs

I have a bad feeling in my gut. And it has nothing to do with the 75 raw oysters I ate for breakfast this morning. This has to do with something that took place at work yesterday.

People in this company seem to love meetings. I swear they actually have meetings to discuss whether or not they should have meetings. And if they do have a meeting, they have another meeting afterward to discuss what went on at the meeting. Therefore I wasn't too concerned when I heard some guy wanted to meet with me yesterday, even though I had no idea who the hell he was.

If you've ever seen the movie "Office Space," you may recall the scenes in which the Initech employees were interviewed for their own jobs by "the Bobs." The Bobs were two guys named Bob who were brought in as consultants...but really they were hatchet men in disguise. Well, as it turns out, the guy who wanted to meet with me was a Bob. His name wasn't actually Bob, but I shall call him Bob for the purposes of this post. Trust me, I'm doing him a favor here, because his real name is so fucking gay, it requires a detailed analysis in a totally separate post.

So we have the meeting, and I find out Bob is here to "improve efficiency," and he is very interested in what I do...



Bob: So what would you say you do here?
MD: I am the FTP Manager. I take files from one computer, and I move them to another computer.
Bob: I see. And then what do you do with the files?
MD: Nothing.
Bob: I see. Well what happens to the files?
MD: The data geeks manipulate the files and give them back to me. Then I move them back to the original computer. Or something.
Bob: I see. Well why can't the data people move the files themselves?
MD: Umm...That's a nice tie. Really brings out your eyes.

There is actually a legitimate reason why the data geeks don't move their own files. But for the life of me, I can't remember what it is...which is too bad, because that information would have been really helpful in yesterday's meeting with Bob.

But I'm not worried. I'm only supposed to be doing this FTP gig temporarily. Then I'm supposed to become a full-fledged data geek myself. Unless Bob decides to move all the jobs to India. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an important meeting with a bottle of scotch.



BTW, what the fuck is this copy of "Yentl" doing mixed in with my wrestling tapes??!

35 comments:

Kelli said...

At least you dont have to fuck with those pesky TPS reports.

I believe you have my stapler.....

Little Lamb said...

Maybe you're going to get fired.

tfg said...

Ummm...I'm going to need you to move your desk. Can you move it out of the women's restroom?

Willo Keays said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Crashtest Comic said...

I've been fired more times than I could count--probably the number of jobs I've had minus one.

Once, this company I was working for on Wall Street kept promising to pay us...and then on payday we showed up to the office & there was a chain across the door.

puerileuwaite said...

I came in one of your oyster shells. Did you notice which one?

DykesDog said...

That is not Yentil, look closer Mighty Dyck ... ah, now you recall ... gee, cannot hide anything from you can we?! Puggy I am so impressed with your undercover tatics!

RevRee said...

"PC Load Letter"? What the fuck does that mean?????

Bostick said...

They just wanted to get you away from your pc long enough to install tracking software. They are on to you dude.

minwah said...

I hate companies that move our jobs to India. I think you go in Monday and hold Bob's flaming gay ass hostage until they let you know what that meeting was all about.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Stench - I'm going to burn the building down...

CC - You should've told them a few of your jokes. They probably would have paid you to leave.

P - My guess would be number 63. It seemed a bit slimier than the others.

Minwah - MINWAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

/t. said...

maybe you could
just move to india
and get a jump on
the competition

/t.

Crashtest Comic said...

Don't read my next blog, Clown.

It may cause you to acutally think (God Forbid.)

Chris said...

I thought FTP stood for Fondle, Touch, Probe. That sounded like a good job. Too bad your losing it.

Little Lamb said...

I heard you were moving to India.

Baron Ectar said...

I have to say, this is the first post of yours that I read. When I saw that you had a copy of Yentil in your video collesction, I almost moved on. Then I read the rest of your blog. Funny as hell!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

/t - No thanks. Too many foreigners.

Christopher - Actually, Fondle Touch & Probe are my attorneys. They handle all my sexual harassment suits.

Lambo - Yes, I fell in love when I read the travel brochure. Turns out India has virtually zero jumping ewes.

Baron E - First of all, it's YENTL, dammit! Y-E-N-T-L!!! Second of all, welcome. And tell your friends!!

Crashtest Comic said...

are you talking to me?

DykesDog said...

LMAO, none of us kids know how to spell!

Luck o' the Irish said...

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta....

Don't forget your stapler...

Mr. Friendly said...

Maybe, like the hero in Office Space, you will not only NOT be fired, but made DATA GEEK MANAGER!

Willo Keays said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
tfg said...

Personally, I can't believe you rooked someone into paying to FTP shit all day long. Is there a cut and paste manager there, too?

Baron Ectar said...

Dog, speak for yourself - wanna compare report cards!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

TFG - Crazy ain't it? I'm almost ashamed to cash my paychecks. But not quite.

Willo Keays said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Mr. Fabulous said...

When I am faced with a similar situation, I usually just show them my freakishly large penis and they go away quietly.

Pud said...

Way to distract him by complimenting his tie!

Yeah, him. said...

I have only had 1 meeting with someone to truly discuss "what I do around here". That was at the beginning of a school year before the new guy in charge decided to wipe out all of those that he didn't like.

I'm looking forward to karma getting him on the unemployment list, but in all honesty, facing thousands of parents who wonder why their kids aren't doing better for the $ they invested is far nicer.

"the bobs of the world" are scary. Resist them often and intensely...

Manola Blablablanik said...

Yeah, move to Florida!

DykesDog said...

I told a friend at work to read your blog. Today, he asked me if that was really your picture from your 9/7 post. I told him yes. He wants you now!

DykesDog said...

Oh hell, I forgot, he said to look for him in the chatroom. His name is "RumpleDickSkin".

Mighty Dyckerson said...

ATTENTION DYKESDOG'S FRIEND:

When you're at lunch, Dyke masturbates on your desk. Then he wipes it off with your mouse pad.

miss_lissa said...

see when you started off naming it the bobs I thought it was gonna be a vibrator post.
Then you spill some shit about work and maybe loosing your job...
blah blah blah...

(hehe nice cover with the tie bit.Did it work? were you employed today?)

DykesDog said...

RH, shhhhhhhhhhh do not tell him that I am a chick and we do it in your maintenance van during lunch... see things like this upset the Mighty Clown. But you know how I feel about clowns ...