A guy in the office whom I've never met turned 40 this past week. You may be asking yourself, if you've never met the guy, how do you know this? Well STOP ASKING YOURSELF QUESTIONS WHILE YOU'RE READING MY FUCKING BLOG, YOU DUMBASS SACK OF SHIT. PAY ATTENTION AND READ THE WHOLE POST BEFORE YOU ASK YOUR STUPID QUESTIONS, OKAY??
But to answer your question, I know this guy turned 40 because somebody decided it would be funny to play a little joke on the birthday geezer. This hilarious prankster sneaked in the office after hours and adorned his cube with black balloons and black crepe paper. This comedic genius also made photocopies of the guy's photo with a clever caption underneath it that said (drumroll please) "Lordy Lordy, Look Who's 40" and plastered them all over the office.
(I'll give you a few moments to recover from the uncontrollable laughter.....That's it, take a deep breath.....Maybe ask yourself a few more questions. You seem to like that.....)
OK, better now?? Good. Now listen up. If I am still working in this cube farm on my 40th birthday (God forbid), I'm going to buy myself a little present on the way to work that day: an Uzi. If, upon reaching my cube, I see one balloon, photo, or gag gift, I swear on a stack of pancakes I will SHOOT EVERY LIVING THING within a THREE-MILE RADIUS. I will then WRAP YOUR CORPSES in BLACK CREPE PAPER and SHOVE BLACK HELIUM BALLOONS inside your ANAL CAVITIES. Next I will BURY YOUR CARCASS in a URINE-FILLED GRAVE filled with ANGRY STING RAYS and LEAVE YOU THERE to ROT.
I think I've made my point. ANY QUESTIONS???????