Pluto Responds

Today I sat down with former planet Pluto for an exclusive interview. Here's how it went down...

MD: So how does it feel to be demoted to a dwarf planet?
Pluto: It sucks ass. I'm just as much a planet as those other eight bastards.

Well, the scientists say you're too small to be a planet.
Pluto: Fuck them. They wouldn't know a planet if it came up behind them and bit 'em on the ass.

You seem bitter.
Pluto: You'd be bitter too if you had spent a few billion years freezing your nuts off and spinning around the Sun, only to be tossed out like last night's meat loaf!

What about the argument that your orbit is too eccentric?
Pluto: Eccentric?? Look, so I get lost every once in a while. You would too if you had to float around in the darkness of space with not so much as a frigging compass! I mean it's not like I've got a UPS* installed in my car!

You have a car? What do you drive???
Pluto: A Saturn.

Speaking of which, have you heard any feedback from the other planets?
Pluto: I got a text message from Neptune the other day. He offered to let me orbit him again for a while. But fuck that, I'm not going to be someone else's moon-bitch anymore.

How about Uranus?
Pluto: My anus is fine, thank you! HA HA HA HA HA!!! I never get tired of that!!

So what are your plans for the future?
Pluto: I'm going to bum around the Milky Way for a year. Then I plan to write a book about my experiences.

Any final thoughts?
Pluto: Yeah. Hey Earth, I just saw a giant asteroid whiz by me, and it's headed right for you. Have a nice day.

So there you have it. Pluto...live and uncensored. Coming tomorrow: More reaction from the Oort Cloud.

* UPS = Universal Positioning System


Crashtest Comic said...

Pluto's a nice place to visit--but I wouldn't wanna live there.

ecp said...

hey if robots can post ads to your blog, then i am too! Work in TV news? Then you outta give me your money to get on www.rollcue.tv! It's brillantly ripped off from Medialine -- and no, Dyck, unlike Hushums, my registry info isn't public. :-)

Now to make this comment legitimate --- this intervie with Pluto actually made me laugh. It's about time. I thought you lost your gift.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

I made ECP laugh??! Damn, I'll make sure not to let that happen again...

Tripe Face said...


Good stuff.

A Saturn? LMAO.


Willo Keays said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Willo Keays said...

Look - ECP, Tripe AND Dyck - all my favorite virtual men chatting in the same virtual world! I'm in virtual heaven!

puerileuwaite said...

I heard "W" ordered it gone because its existence tormented Daddy during his presidency.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Sweet post. I knew that a planet named after Mickey Mouse's dog would never make 'the big time.' I mean, what kind of dog is a mouse's pet? What a pussy!

RevRee said...

I thought ECP was dead?

Manola Blablablanik said...

Oh no! There goes my hope for a plutonic relationship!

tfg said...

Here's another solar system tidbit that I bet you didn't know: The Sun shines directly out of my ass.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Tripe - It was a tossup between Saturn and Mercury, but Saturn seemed funnier.

Willo - Shouldn't you be boarding up your windows??

Rev - Only his career and love life.

the dude said...

Pluto is after all the last restroom before Alpha Centuri.

~ Stacy ~ said...

LOL! That was fun, Mister Dyckerson.

ecp said...

Hushie, TRIPE is among your top three favorite internet men!?? But he's my sworn enemy and archnemesis!!! (No, I don't remember why, but he's bad news!!)

Yeah, him. said...

Isn't it about time that we send Kevin Federline out to investigate the Kuiper Belt and see if he can determine if Neptune's orbit really does cross Pluto's for awhile. It's a win win situation. He leaves for good, and even if he doesn't succeed, Britney has a chance to go back to that non trailer trash gal she was on her first 2 albums.