8/20/2006

An Ap-PEEL-ing Post

Get this. I stopped by the grocery store last night after work. For those of you who don't know, a grocery store is a place where you go to buy a large variety of foodstuffs. The foodstuffs are placed on unattractive shelving by equally unattractive high school students, and you, the customer, place the foodstuffs in a filthy wire basket on crooked wheels. Next, you pay the cashier, who places each item in its own separate plastic bag. Then you take your foodstuffs home and consume them at your leisure.

Anyway, I like to hang out in the produce section and flirt with the yentas. I usually say something like, "Hey baby! Nice melons!" and then we both enjoy a good laugh. So while in the produce section last night, I decided to acquire some bananas. Bananas are, of course, nature's perfect food. They're tasty, they're full of potassium, they come in their own wrappers. Plus, it's fun to watch women eating them because they look like penises. So I picked out a set of bananas, and as I was bagging them, I noticed each banana had a special sticker on them. On each sticker was the word ORGANIC. Being the curious type, I turned and looked at the other bananas. Some of them were labelled ORGANIC and some were not...yet they all looked the same. Now I don't know about you, but I thought all bananas were organic. Hell, if used properly, some of them can even be orgasmic! Am I right ladies??!

I inquired about this with the produce boy.

Dyckerson: "Hey Chiquita, why are some of these bananas labelled organic?"
Produce Boy: "Go fuck yourself."

I could see I wasn't going to get anywhere, so I bought my bananas and split.

Today I consumed one of my organic bananas. As far as I could tell, it tasted like a normal banana. Same texture and everything. So what is the big fucking difference? Is this some sort of marketing ploy put on by the International Banana Consortium? I want answers, and I want them NOW.


11 comments:

jmeped said...

Next time take me with you, while they may say organic they probably are from the same place. Look at your receipt you probably paid 89 cents a pound instead of 33 cents a pound, because of that little sticker. Let me know if it is any more orgasmic because it might just be worth the extra....

Jodi said...

Fuck, jmeped stole my orgasmic comment. Now I'm left with nothing!

I like the new layout. My eyes thank you as well.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Actually, I buy my 'nanners by the ton. Sure most of them go bad before I can eat them, but I figure I'm saving by buying in volume.

Manola Blablablanik said...

You can freeze bananas and use them later in smoothies!

~ Stacy ~ said...

Produce Boy was just a wee bit sensitive there. Maybe he had a bad experience with the orgasmic bananananananananananas?

jmeped said...

Manola- don't the frozen bananas freeze to your um, ahem, like the boys tongue on a christmas story?

Cash said...

I most enjoyed 'banana' and 'split' in the same sentence.

Well played, Mr. Dyckerson, well played!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Frozen 'nanners? Won't they break when you peel them???

Cash, I can always count on you to get my cerebral humor. Kudos.

tfg said...

To tell the difference between the inorganic and organic bananas you have to to stick them in the end where the mouth is.

DykesDog said...

should have switched stickers ...

Manola Blablablanik said...

No! That's the best part! They are like creamy ice cubes!