7/28/2006


For chrissakes, I've had enough of this heat bullshit! Every goddamn day for the past month, the daytime high has been over 180 motherfucking degrees! I can't fucking stand it anymore!!!

If I see one more has-been politician or washed-up news jockey plugging their dumbass global warming suckumentaries, I'm gonna shove a fucking glacier up their rotten asses! And you weather pricks can take your dipshit "heat index" nomenclature and your lameass "hot hazy humid" forecasts and go to bloody Hell!!!

I'm sick of it, do you hear me? Sick of it! As I type this, I am running five air conditioners, nine fans, plus a snow machine I stole from a nearby ski resort...yet it's still over 90 fucking degrees in here! I could fill an olympic-sized swimming pool with my own flop sweat...not that it would do any good, because it would all evaporate in about two nanoseconds!!!

This just in: In the last five minutes alone, over 50,000 old fuckers have died from heat exhaustion! Asthma sufferers are also dropping like flies, but there's nowhere to bury them because all the grave diggers have commited fucking suicide!!!

So listen up, Mother Nature, you filthy rotten cunt! Knock off the heat bullshit, and do it NOW!!! Is that clear, you stinking whore??! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

15 comments:

~ Stacy ~ said...

Ditto. Totally fucking ditto. Well, except for the flop sweat part.

Very funny on the suicidal grave diggers, btw.

Mr. Anthrope said...

Man, I totally understand. It's supposed to get up into the upper 70's today here in London. When will the misery end?!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Mr. Anthrax - Kiss my ass, you lymie loving piece of eurotrash!

RevRee said...

At least it's not this HOT

jmeped said...

I thought you had a pool clown. And since it's probably like bath water do us all a favor and clean up that flop sweat. I have lemonaid and cookies....

Chris said...

More nudity is the answer. Not you Dyck. You keep your clothes on.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Jmeped, why don't you come over and clean me yourself??

Chris, too late. I stripped before I read those last two sentences.

jmeped said...

I'lll bring your favorite "pork scented bleach" mmmm and then you'll smell like hot bacon. In real life I don't know why but I imagine you to smell like an old cupcake. Am I right, vanilla and dust?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

More like a day-old donut, but thanks for imagining me in your fantasies.

karla said...

You whiny fuck. "I'm hot, I can't stand it." That's what cold beer is for, for Christ's sake! Now shut up and get drunk like the rest of us do when it's hot outside.

jmeped said...

Just returning the favor, maybe one day I'll get hammered and tell the world how I really feel about my clown.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

I love it when you're strict, Ms. Babble! I suppose you want to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me. Well hurry up!

Jmeped, one can only hope. Do Ethiopians drink liquor??

Manola Blablablanik said...

We need you in Miami!

jmeped said...

a honey wine and some kind of beer. I like vodka myself.

Willo Keays said...

Ummm ... you're the one who took a job in corporate Hell. if you can't take the heat .....