"What the fuck is the deal with all the pockets?" I asked my beloved mommy.
"They're cargo pants, you dipshit," she replied. "All the kids are wearing them these days! Now shut your hole and finish waxing my legs!"
God I love that woman. Anyway, fashions changed, my growth spurted, and away went the cargo pants.
Fast forward 20 years, and guess what: The cargo pants are back, and they're better than ever! Hell, the fuckers even come pre-wrinkled nowadays! Man, these kids have it easy. Back in my day, if you wanted wrinkled pants, you had to leave them in the dryer for two...maybe three hours! Lazy bastards are too busy with their MTV and their dirty dancing to properly wrinkle a pair of pants themselves. What's next? Pre-skidmarked jockey shorts??!
Anyway, the cargo pants are back, but I've been hesitating to purchase a pair because I assumed they were targeted more for the 29-and-under crowd. Once you hit 30, there are certain articles of clothing you really shouldn't be wearing. (That's why I finally decided to part with my Underoos last year.) But the cargo pants seem to transcend all age groups. I mean, if a 60-year-old fat guy can wear them to go to the local CVS to purchase his Metamucil, then surely I, Mighty Dyckerson, can wear them to.....go to the local CVS and.....purchase Preparation H.
So yesterday, I finally broke down and bought a pair of cargo pants. Shorts, actually. I went with the popular khaki color. I was going to get the camouflage, but I was afraid I'd never be able to find them - ha, ha. But seriously, now that I have them, all those extra wrinkly pockets frighten and confuse me. So they'll likely stay in the drawer next to my bell-bottom jeans and my really skinny ties. Now if only leisure suits would come back...