6/27/2008

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DYCKERSON!!!

Originally posted 06/27/07

35 years ago today, the world was changed forever. On June 27, 1972, Mightonimous Q. Dyckerson emerged from his mother's poon. Weighing 32 pounds and 6 ounces, it was a tight squeeze. But the baby Dyckerson was able to push himself out, penis first, and he immediately began breastfeeding. "But I'm not your mother," said the hot red-headed nurse as young Dyckerson suckled her. "Shut up and spank me, bitch!" the newborn infant replied.

Moments before the birth of Mighty Dyckerson

The world watched as Mighty Dyckerson and his penis grew. By age 4, he had released his first album, "Fart Noises," on Rhino records. The album, which was panned by critics as being "vile, nasty, and disgusting," went platinum in three minutes. At age 7, Dyckerson lost his virginity to his second grade teacher, Mrs. Longest. And by age 12, he had taken his first steps. Upon encouragement from his many lovers, at age 14 Dyckerson took penis to paper and wrote his 360-page tell-all autobiography, "Nocturnal Admissions," using his own semen for ink. The book squirted to the top of the New York Times best-seller list in five seconds, where it remained for 800 weeks. Had all the pages not been stuck together, it might have lasted even longer.

Mrs. Longest (1979)

Soon after the publication of "Nocturnal Admissions," Dyckerson started his own newsletter, "The Mighty Newsletter," which sold to all his friends and classmates for $1 a copy. But the distribution process was slow and cumbersome, and in 1988, while playing Pong on his Commodore 64, he had a brainstorm. Using nothing but an ordinary coathanger and a 9-volt battery, he successfully transferred a file between two computers. Thus, the Internets were born.

Dyckerson's Commodore 64

Seeing the potential for this incredible new invention, Dyckerson wasted no time creating an electronic version of his newsletter, "The Mighty Blog." Last year, "The Mighty Blog" received over one trillion hits, four million bangs, and ten thousand slaps.

Today, Mighty Dyckerson receives hundreds of marriage proposals a week...many of which He accepts. Despite His vast wealth, He chooses to live in a modest, two-story townhouse with an antiquated cooling system and a small-capacity washing machine. And once a year on His birthday, Dyckerson returns to the hospital where He was born and suckles his former nurse's breasts for old time's sake. "Her tits are two feet lower now, and wrinkled, but I'll never forget the role she played in my life." Dyckerson stated in a recent interview for Jailbait Magazine. Neither will we, Mighty Dyckerson. Neither will we.

Mrs. Longest (today)


57 comments:

minwah said...

Happy B-day babes!! Don't do anything I wouldn't do to celebrate!!!

~ Stacy ~ said...

I'm just going to state it simple and sweet... for you, Mighty Dyckerson.

~ Stacy ~ said...

Off topic...

I saw this image on someone else's blog, and oddly enough; I immediately thought of you. [grin]

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Minwah!!!! I thought you were dead! Update your frigging blog!

Thank you, Stacy. You've touched me deeply. Now touch me somewhere else.

BTW, you've seen that image here as well. Refer to my May '06 entry entitled Screw the Handicrapped. Great minds think alike!

Tripe Face said...

Fuckin' Shit my birthday is one day before yours.

Now I need a shower. By the way, I'm exactly ten years older than you, which means I'm probably your daddy.

Trash out the trash and mow the lawn you lazy retard

Tripe

DykesDog said...

I knew there was something wrong with today - I mean we share a birthday which is creepy enuf - but now everytime someone says I am nutzo I can blame it on the clown!

Jodi said...

Happy birthday hooker.

Short and sweet, much like your penis.

Pud said...

Happy Birthday Freak!

jmeped said...

In the tune of Marilyn, "happy birthday mister dyckerson..you know the rest clown, for your birthday I am sending you $5 in ronald mcdonald bucks, buy your own happy meal.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Tripe - Can I borrow the keys to the car tonight? I've got a hot date. Don't bother waiting up.

Dyke - I do not share my birthday with anyone. You must change yours immediately.

Judy - Shhhh!!!

Jmeped - Ronald McDonald is a gay homosexual. I prefer that little slut Wendy.

jmeped said...

Oh clown, your just hatin cause he got all the good jobs after clown college. You too could have a greezy nasty franchise.

RevRee said...

Happy Birthday Dyckerson. Dyck Jr made you a birthday card, if only you'd come home and visit him sometimes.

Tripe Face said...

Dyck,

Hell no you can't borrow the car... you are too stupid to drive and I'm tired of police telling me my car's been seen in front of known male prostitution hangouts.

Your Daddy

Kelli said...

Happy Birthday you slut

tfg said...

In the Dyckerson tradition, you should blow out all 34 candles without using your mouth.

Manola Blablablanik said...

Ah MIGHTY! Happy Birthday! Manola sends you a decent boob squirt on the 34th candle! :-)

Willo Keays said...

Oh dear GOD - your birthday is three days and four years after mine. I feel so frickin' OLD.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

I wonder if anyone will realize this post is a year old? Fuck it, who cares??

Sassy Blondie said...

Dyck-Happy Birthday...now bend over for your birthday whoopin'!

puerileuwaite said...

I always wondered what became of Rosemary's Baby.

Antonio said...

wait a minute you were born? I always assumed you were a lab experiment that went horribly wrong.

ADW said...

Thanks for making me throw up first thing this morning with that picture. Who puts old lady pictures in their posts? Asshat.

Oh and happy maybe you can use the fact that this is your birthday to get some poon day.

blog Portland said...

Happy Birthday you sick fuck.

Webmiztris said...

and I bet your still hitting that too aren't ya, dyck? :)

happy birthday!

Beth said...

Happy Birthday you sick fuck.

Jenny! said...

Happy Birthday! Why aren't you running around in your birthday suit??? Oh, and will you marry me???

Ryan said...

Happy Birthday O Mighty One. I can't wait until this is on A&E's Biography.

Yeah Him said...

Happy Birthday!!
Here's to another year older and hopefully not wise!

tfg said...

Happy Birthday, you gay bastard.

Luck o' the Irish said...

I'm fairly certain the test tube has committed suicide. Don't worry, mine will do the same in exactly 5 months. Hepy F'in Berfday.

Dixie said...

Happy Birthday you perv!

Love ya'!

Scary Monster said...

Happy Stompday, you clown. Next year we will all get together and chip in to buy you a happy meal or another round with Mrs. Longest, whichever's cheaper.

PfffffT!

Nancy said...

Happy Birthday ... you're too old to spank, so I will give you a birthday flogging instead.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Sassy - I'd prefer it if you would bend over.

P - They tell me I was born with a coathanger in my ass. I wonder where that came from.

Antonio - Sorry to burst your bubble.

ADW - Morning sickness is the first sign. Soon you'll be craving pickles and knitting booties.

McFatty - Where's my present, you cheap bastard?

Miz - If it has a hole, I hit it.

Beth - Where's my present, you cheap bitch?

Jenny - I'd like to marry you and your avatar.

Ryan - Actually, we're in talks with the Disney Channel. Go figure.

Him - I'm not getting older. I'm getting less young.

TFG - Where's my present, you fucking farting robot?

Irish - Show me your ta-tas.

Dixie - Come over here and spank me. And bring the bikini!

Monster - Mrs. Longest is a happy meal. CHOMP!!

RevRee said...

I remember reading this same post a year ago...such a cheater!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Do you still break off Mrs. Longest once a year too? For old times sake?

Randy Sexer said...

As a special birthday gift to You, Phallacious One, I am typing this message while laying in bed masturbating (face down). Happy Older Day!

[ejaculates]

Willo Keays said...

ewwwww!

Anonymous said...

wow wtf paris got out on yer birthday! but i'm still in rehab here reading this. whats it all mean? LL

Tyler Durden said...

Happy Birthday! See? Its a good thing that your daddy didn't spooge on your mommy's tits that one time.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Rev - This isn't the time or the place.

Name - Actually, once at the end of each semester. I always like to cram during finals.

Randy - I won't ask what body part you're typing with.

Willo - What's your point?

Lindsay - At least they let you read The Mighty Blog in rehab. What more could you ask for? I mean, besides the booze.

Tyler - Actually, he did. Apparently some of it dripped down into her poon.

It's Me... Maven said...

Dyckerson, if I had your mailing address, I'd mail you a Tortuga Rum cake I picked up in the Caribbean.

Happy Belated Birthday to my favorite degenerate:)

The [Cherry] Ride said...

I pretty much had to turn away after I saw the opening photo.

But happy b-day anyway.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Maven - You ain't getting my address. I'm afraid you'll come over and shit all over my bathroom.

Cherry - Yeah, I know you have an aversion to vaginas.

karla said...

Why, damnit, why why WHY? Why is James Brown dead and you still live on?

~ Stacy ~ said...

Nice, Mr. Dyckerson. It's your birthday and you made me feel old. I thought I fell into some stupid cyber time warp--trapped on the most horrific post in Dyckerson history. Gawd! That 1st image is disturbing.

At least we know that you do, indeed, have hair. ...sticky hair.

So yeah..

"Happy Birthday!"

(No. I'm not showing you my ta-tas. But I will give you back your Gremlin--sans the leopard print seat covers, of course.)

Crunchy BC said...

Born in 1972, huh? Too late for Thalidomid and too early for crack. The mystery of your enigma remains in tact.

What about inexplicable 3-digit birthmarks? Any of those of your skull?

It's Me... Maven said...

Dyckerson, I'd only shit in it if you wanted me to:)

Hey, inquiring minds want to know, is your scrotum webbed?

don henley said...

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You been out ridin' fences for so long now
Oh, you're a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow

catscratch diva said...

Happy Birthday, Dyck.

If not for you, the world would be so fucking black and white and shade of shitty gray.

The Middle Lifer said...

Happy B'day and welcome to middle life bitch.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I thought you were Mr. Longest. This don't seem right.

Sassy Blondie said...

Is this going to be the same birthday post when you're 80? I mean, surely even you could come up with something new??

Now bend over again for your birthday whoopin'! And don't make me tell you twice!

Happy Birthday, Dyckiepoo!

XOXOXO

Willo Keays said...

Sorry I missed your birthday ... but can't you come up with ORIGINAL material each year?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Don - Thirty-six and strong as I can be. I know what freedom means to me. And I can't find a reason why, I should ever want to die.

Tubby - That's why I'm here, babe. That's why I'm here.

Lifer - Sorry, I'm 29 and holding...holding your mama's TITS!!! AAAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

Snake - No, I'm Mr. Big Fat Cock.

Sassy - I love it when you're strict! Shall I break out the handcuffs??

Sassy Blondie said...

You had your chance...that ship has sailed! My handcuffs are for those more worthy... ;)

sputnick said...

Have I missed anything? My folks finally made bail. Belated HB, MD!