4/22/2006

Have I Offended You Lately???

This has been a banner week here at Dyckerson HQ. Seems I've been pissing everybody off lately. Let's run down the list, shall we?


Of course, I remained banned from the Medialine message board. Nothing new to report here, except that my informers tell me the place is rapidly decaying in my absence. Assclowns like Produce Boy get to spew their oral diarrhea virtually unscathed, while upstanding citizens like myself are thrown out like last night's crackwhore.

********************

Then, over on the always-crappy TV Spy/Watercooler message board, I get chastised for making light of the recent death of Don Fitzpatrick. For those who don't know, Don was a consultant in the TV industry. Consultants are worthless parasites and are widely hated in this business, and Don was no exception...that is, until he croaked. Then everybody loves him. That's right, these are the same people who wanted to kill him for constantly deleting harmless content on the message board. It goes something like this...

Before Don Fitzpatrick died: "You Nazi prick! Why did you delete my post asking about TV stations in Dallas? Are you fucking retarded or what?? I hope you catch AIDS and die!!!"

Same guy, after Don Fitzpatrick died: "I am just shocked and saddened by this horrible news. Don was a swell guy. My prayers go out to his family."

Dyckerson: "Ah, screw him. Maybe now my posts won't get deleted."

Same guy again: "Dyckerson, you are a heel! A worthless pile of scum! Shame on you!"

Now I should point out that I have never been banned from TV Spy, but that's only because they apparently haven't figured out how to do that yet. I am quite certain that if they knew how to ban me, they would.

********************

Moving on to italk2much.com. This is the site where a group of self-proclaimed bitches insult other people's blogs for their own personal amusement. I had submitted my blog for review about 32 years ago, and last month, I had the audacity to inquire about the status of my review. I was promptly and publically lambasted and ridiculed. This sparked a heated shouting match, and long story short, I have now been effectively banned from their site. Now, when I type in their URL, I get redirected to this brilliant site. Wow. It must've taken someone at least five minutes to come up with that.

So what gives? Were the bitches actually offended by something I said, or are they just intimidated by my far-superior DYCK'D blog? I suspect the latter. The bitches sure know how to dish out the verbal barbs, but they're no match for Dyckerson's artistry and skill. Now I urge you all to visit italk2much.com and submit my blog to be reviewed. This will flood their email in-box and hopefully drive them to insanity. Come on, people! Let's get to work!!

********************

Next, today I found out I pissed off one of my Mighty Blog affilates - Andrena, from Andrena's Ankh. Andrena recently published a racist post in which she criticized "black folk" for always being late. I figured as long as we were in a racist mood, I would seize the opportunity to make an amusing joke involving "darkies" and "watermelon." Classic stuff, really...or so I thought. But I guess it's only OK to make fun of black people as long as you yourself are black.

Andrena darling, you don't know me very well, do you?? I was once banned from a message board for calling an idiot a "coon" 513 times. (I know it sounds bad, but he was a race-card-playing hatemonger, and I was giving him a taste of his own medicine. He was eventually banned, and I was reinstated.) And I won't even get into the time I tried to sell pieces of the Columbia space shuttle on eBay the day after it disintegrated in February '03. So show me some friggin' respect, woman!!!

********************

And finally, there's my pretend wife RevRee. I think she's pissed at me too. It's been days since she has cyber-serviced me, and I am really itching for a release. Could it be that RevRee is really a double-agent working for italk2much.com? Or maybe she's a descendent of Don Fitzpatrick?? I know she's only a 50% darkie, so it can't be that. I am perplexed.


So that's the list. If your name isn't listed, don't despair. I'm sure I'll offend you sooner or later. Just be patient.


19 comments:

andrena said...

My darling Dyck....ahhh..don't flatter yourself, my dear. I never said that I was pissed at you, or even angry at you...a little nauseated yes. But to be angry at you would give you a certain degree of power, and it is apparent that you have all the power you need in your little dycks - and I really can't be nauseated at you, or anything you say..

it's the nature of the beast..

and for some sick reason of my own, I inadvertently asked for it - so, it is not on you, my dear fellow..

but it is all on me.

RevRee said...

Dyck, I was jumping up and down 100 times before I serviced you again. I hear it keeps one from getting knocked up...

I just finished this morning, come to momma!

tfg said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
tfg said...

Of course, I remained banned from the Medialine message board. Nothing new to report here, except that my informers tell me the place is rapidly decaying in my absence.

That kind of reminds me of the time I was banned from a board called Dicksonville or something. Within 15 seconds of completing my first post, I was barred. All told, I think I was a member for less than a minute, which was a new personal record.

Motor City Monk said...

So much hate, so little time...

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Damn, Andrena! I was kinda turned on when I thought you were pissed at me! C'mon, what could I say that would make you hate my guts??

Chief Scientist said...

I didn't even ask for those bitches to review me and they did it anyway. And all they did was whine about the size of my font ( hey, it's genetic ), read half a post and then declared I wasn't funny because they knew FOR A FACT that Colonel Sanders was actually dead. No kidding.

Talents like ours will never be appreciated by the masses, Dyck.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Amen, brother! Let's do something manly like high five or belch.

~ Stacy ~ said...

It has been my experience that the bitches (translation: overly sensitive little twats) at ITalk2Much haven't the intelligence God gave a gnat. Therefore, when someone asks them a question, it scares the holy-living shit out of them. This is why they counter all questions with lame-ass seventh grade insults... It's an unsuccessful ploy to mask their obtuseness.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Amen, sister! Let's do something naughty like have sex in an elevator!

Chief Scientist said...

How come she gets sex in the elevator?

The Newsbitch said...

Gah - forgot to tell you thast I tagged you! Mwahaha.

~ stacy ` said...

Oooh, Mister Dyckerson... You say the sweetest things. C'mere and get naughty with me, you mightonimous, mighty fine Dyck. ;)

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Moderator - Where would you prefer to have it?

Newsbitch - So I see. What happens if I ignore the tag? Because that's what I intend to do...

Willo Keays said...

Dyck .... I think you've only seriously pissed me off just once. What - you don't love me do you!?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Only once?? I must be losing my touch...

minwah said...

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I think I just pissed myself. If they don't get you - fuck 'em and feed 'em beans.

minwah said...

Moderator: I like the size of your font. *wink*

Spill The Beans said...

I think you've been slacking in that you've never pissed me off...alas.

As for the bitches, I think they'd be less bitchy if any of them were getting laid more than once a decade.