4/11/2006

Fun With Spammers III: The New Blood

***UPDATED 04/13/06***


It's time for yet another installment of Mighty Dyckerson's FUN WITH SPAMMERS!!! Today's contestant is Barrister Kevin Wason, of the Republic of Benin! Let's read what Kevin has to say...


Dear Friend,

I humbly crave your indulgence in sending this mail, if the contents does not meet with your personal and business ethics, I appologise in advance.

I am Barr. Kevin Wason , a solicitor. I am the personal attorney to Engr. KIM PAUL , A national of your country, possibly Could be your brother, who used to Work with Oando Petroleum Development Company [West Africa],Cotonou Branch hereinafter shall be referred to as my client. In 2003, my client, his wife and their two children were involved in a plane crash in a village called Adjarra near Porto Novou after take off from Cotonou here in Benin Republic.

It was unfortunate that my client and his family all lost their lives in the crash. For more on the plane crash logon to http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/3348109.stm Since then I have made several enquiries at your embassy here in Cotonou and Porto Novou to locate any of my clients extended relatives, this has also proved unsuccessful.

Then I have to contacted you to assist me in repatriating the money and property left behind by my client before they get confiscated, frozen or declared unserviceable by the bank where these huge deposits of $5.9 milion were lodged. Then when you contact me i will give you the other informations,on how we will do it. You can call me with this number +229-932-006-16.

I am waiting your urgent reply.

REGARDS,
BAR KEVIN WASON ESQ.
LEGAL ATTORNEY & SOLICITOR


Wow, that is quite a steaming pile of rat feces, Kevin! Here's the email response I sent him...


Barr. Kevin Wason, an angel must have sent you from Heaven. I cannot tell you how many nights I have stayed up wondering whatever happened to my long lost brother, Engr. KIM PAUL. I had almost given up hope of finding him, but then you walked into my life.

My brother was successful businessman, and his work often took him to faraway places like exotic Cotonou and beautiful Porto Novou. So I have no doubt that it was he and his family that perished in this horrible plane crash.

You may dispose of their bodies at your discretion, but I would like to discuss that $5.9 million. My understanding was that the money was left inside one of 26 numbered cases, and that the other cases contained smaller amounts ranging from one penny to $750,000. Do you know the whereabouts of these other 25 cases? If so, I will have my banker call you and arrange a deal.

In the meantime, you may read about my efforts to locate Engr. KIM PAUL by logging on to http://mightydyckerson.blogspot.com. And please do not apologize for the contents of your email, because like you, I have no ethics whatsoever.

I thank you muchly, and I await your urgent reply.

BARON MIGHTY VON DYCKERSON, ESQ.
PRESIDENT/C.E.O, DYCKERSON ENTERPRISES WORLDWIDE


Well, we have a live one here, folks! The game continues!! Here is Barrister Kevin's response...


Hello, this is barrister Kevin Wason from Benin Republic. My friend it seems to me that you are using this issue as a joke. This is not joke my friend i you can help me out kindly open your self to me. But if you can't tell me let me look for another person as you can see that the bank give me a limited time to provid the next of kin to Engr.Kim Paul.

I am waiting for your response.

Thanks
Bar.Kevin.


And here is my reply...


Barrister Kevin, please forgive me. At first, I thought you were just yanking my crank, as we Americans say. But now I see you are indeed quite serious. I am now prepared to open myself to you in every way possible. In fact, as I type this email, I am completely naked. Engr. Kim Paul is dead, and that's a dirty rotten shame. However, I am still alive, and that $5.9 million sure would go a long way toward easing my pain. How may I assist you in getting these funds transferred to my account?

Please reply without delay.


The fun continues on day #3! Here's more from our friend Barrister Kevin...

Honestly and frankly speakings, am very happy to your immediate response with my request to you, Then regards to your question how we will do it is here in this write up ... Infacts, if you are really interested to do this deal with me kindly furnish me your full name as well as your residental address together with your direct celphone number and fax ... I am expecting your call for oral conversation, and also try to keep the high secrecy of this transaction as bank can not know that i am using you to claim this funds ... Mean while if i get your mail back i will send to you the deposit certificate of the fund and death certificate of Engr. Kim Paul.


And here's the response from yours truly...

Now we are getting somewhere. I am glad we are able to speaks both honestly and frankly. I have been the recipient of oral conversation many times, but I have never given it. However if you can show me your technique, I'd be willing to try. Do you have any diseases I should know about? I just want to make sure you're clean.

By the way, I don't give a shit about Engr. Kim Paul's death certificate nor his rotting carcass. You see, I killed him, and now I'm after the $5.9 million. So don't bring up that bastard's name again, or I will kill you too, Barrister Kevin.

Now let's get on with the oral conversation, you foreign fucker!


This guy never gives up! Read on...


My friend i am telling you these from the desk of my truth.I want your help, i'm serious unless you taking your self out from these deal i brought to you. I am not a scamer so, be warn on how you are using words on me.See, it is not a must that you will help me, if you can't just tell me let me look for another person period.


And my final response...


Dude. How can I make this any clearer?

I. AM. NOT. INTERESTED.

Got that???

You have been made the subject of ridicule and amusement on Mighty Dyckerson's MIGHTY BLOG at http://mightydyckerson.blogspot.com. Thanks for the laughs, but I am now sick of you. Be gone.


Now we have reached the end of another edition of Mighty Dyckerson's FUN WITH SPAMMERS.......or have we???

You can read more Mighty Dyckerson's FUN WITH SPAMMERS here:

14 comments:

Motor City Monk said...

Alright - thanks a lot Dyck. I just spit a mouthful of chewed almonds onto my paperwork and keyboard. Once you secure the cash please send me a case of unsalted, roasted almonds. Deal?

RevRee said...

ASL PLZ UR HOTT

Motor City Monk said...

coded comments suck for those not in the know - how 'bout a clue?

ewink said...

28/M/LV HUNG LIKE HORSE

JoinUsForCake said...

NOW that's friggin' awesome! Maybe I can get you to handle these idiots from the phone number "unlisted" who keep leaving me automated voicemails IN SPANISH!!!!

RevRee said...

That was my horny Nigerian male impression :-)

Mighty Dyckerson said...

RevRee, this isn't the time or the place.

minwah said...

It sucks that rat bastard that I responded to didn't reply.

Maybe I'll have to try again..perhaps it was the comment about my uncle making his money on the backs of umkempt whores that clued him in to the fact I was fucking with him....I don't know...

Either way - I love screwing with these fucktards.

minwah said...

yeah - UNKEMPT (not umkempt) whores...oops.

~ Stacy ~ said...

"...like you, I have no ethics whatsoever."

*chuckle*

Funny stuff, Mr. Dyckerson.

RevRee said...

How about now?

andrena said...

Oh God Dyck! That was sooo funny. So funny, in fact, that I have begun corresponding with my own spammer...

Will post it much later this evening...

right now, we are "getting to know each other better" (in his words)....ha hahahahahhaha!

Motor City Monk said...

I bet he does reply. I see this going on for months until Dyck is finally arrested by the international internet police for multiple death threats upon a foreign national.

Ms Smack said...

I think you should call him up!

Go on ! do it :)