2/01/2006

What are the odds??!

Something weird is going on here. In the average week, I find two...maybe three severed penises. But yesterday, I found FIVE. That's right, FIVE severed penises in ONE DAY!!! I know what you're thinking: "Dyckerson, that's a lot of severed penises!" I would agree with you, especially given my 2.5-severed-penis-per-week average. But it happened, and I'd like to tell you how.

The first severed penis was in my morning bowl of Special K. For those of you who don't know, Special K is a cereal consisting of oat and wheat flakes. It's quite nutritious. But rarely does it contain severed penises. Yesterday it did. Most people would be repulsed by this, but I was hungry, so I removed the severed penis and finished my cereal. Honestly, you could hardly taste the severed penis at all.

So I headed for work thinking I've found the last severed penis for that day. But lo and behold, what's this stuck to the end of my Jeep's antenna? You guessed it...a severed penis. Now this one didn't really surprise me, as I have found severed penises stuck to my Jeep's antenna many times in the past. I mean, who hasn't?

On the other hand, severed penis #3 was a complete surprise. When I got to work, I couldn't get my computer to boot up. I tried several times, but nothing. So I called the tech guy, who came over and took my computer back to his office to work on. An hour later, I got a call at my desk from the tech guy: "Dyckerson, it's no wonder your computer isn't working. There's a severed penis stuck in your hard drive." Imagine my shock! In one day, I had found as many severed penises as I normally find in one week!!!

The fourth severed penis was really a fluke. I was walking out to my car during lunch, and I heard an airplane flying overhead. I looked up to admire this miracle of modern technology (turned out to be a 747) and sure enough, I got hit right in the eye by a falling severed penis. Now you might not think a severed penis would hurt much, but let me tell you, this one surely did. I'm guessing it fell off a wing of that 747.

The fifth and final severed penis also involved food, only this time it was at the grocery store. I was in the produce section picking out kumquats. (Actually, they were apples, but I like saying "kumquats.") The funny thing was, by now I was almost expecting to find a severed penis. So I was examining the kumquats for ripeness, making sure to select only the freshest ones. I picked up what looks to be the perfect kumquat, and as I turned it over to check the other side, I am greeted by none other than.....a severed penis! It was partially lodged inside the kumquat. Now, I was concerned that a vegetarian might unknowingly bite into the severed penis, so always being the good samaritan, I removed the severed penis from the kumquat and left it over in the meat section.

So there you have it. Five severed penises in one day. I'm thinking that's got to be some sort of world record. Now it's your turn! Share your severed penis stories!!!

13 comments:

east coast producer said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
east coast producer said...

I'm sure the incident with the Special K wasn't the first time you had a penis in your mouth.

And certainly it won't be the last.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

ECP, I was going to reinstate your moderator status today...but now, FORGET IT.

RevRee said...

Is Laraina Bobbit on the loose again?

Little Lamb said...

YUCK!!!! This is the worst post you've done! It was bad enough about the yucky toenails, but now this! YUCK!!!!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Well if Lambo hates it, it must be good!! VICTORY IS MINE!!!!

Jodi said...

I have to agree with Lamb, the toes/feet post gave me a queasy feeling, but the severed penis' -- I may have to go hang my head in the toilet. From the past few weeks though, it seems I'm used to being in that position. You now owe me a double shot latte Dyck.

minwah said...

That is the most disgusting picture I've ever seen. It ALMOST makes me not wanna play with Dyck anymore...lolololol.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Minwah, which severed penis picture are you referring to? Because I have two severed penis pictures posted. Maybe you didn't see one of the severed penises? I'd advise you to look again.

minwah said...

You are just not right! No fair - you meanie!!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Sorry, Minwah. Now that I look again, I see that both pictures appear to be of the same severed penis, only taken from different angles. So there's really only one severed penis shown, not two. My bad.

Ms Smack said...

I'm all female and these images make me both giddy with a feminist feeling I'd never felt before (no, i'm straight) and cringe at the same time at the waste of a good penis.

Interesting! Very interesting!

Word Verif: liqme - coincidental?

Jenny! said...

That is one lucky ass week! I never get cool shit in my cereal!