1/09/2006

PoliceHub Boycott

Dyckerson Enterprises has been flooded with emails, calls, and letters asking about my prolonged absence from Mighty Dyckerson's PoliceHub. For those of you who've been living in a spiderhole for the last ten years, Mighty Dyckerson's PoliceHub is a cop message board where I used to occasionally share my wit and wisdom. I was worshipped and adored by literally dozens of people.

Well that all came to an end a couple of months ago, when I became the victim of a cruel hoax. This dastardly deed was orchestrated by one Traffic Goddess, who serves as administrator of that board. Seems she thought it would be funny to encrypt all the posts into binary code. Ha, ha, ha. Look, zeros and ones everywhere! Funny stuff! Well, Dyckerson is not amused. What if one of my online associates was trying to convey an important message to me?! Vital information would be lost amongst all that garbage! Lives could be lost!! Then who would be laughing? Huh????

After a thorough investigation, I was able to beat a confession out of TG. I was ready to walk right then and there. But she admitted the error of her ways and begged for my forgiveness. It wasn't a pretty sight. Out of pity, I finally agreed to return to the message board.

Things were fine for a while after that...until one day I attempt to visit the Hub from home to dispense my daily dose of philosophy, and I am greeted with an obviously fake Internet Explorer error message telling me the page could not be found. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Nice try, but Dyckerson will not be fooled again. The next day, I tried to access PoliceHub from my work computer. Same thing. Coincidence??? I think not. None of my associates were having trouble accessing the site.

A week or two goes by, and the wireless internet router in my house got reset due to a power outage or some shit. That means I got a new IP address. Armed with this knowledge, I decided to check out PoliceHub out of curiosity. And sure enough, I was back in. What does this mean??? Obviously, Traffic Goddess or one of her minions used some sort of malicious software to infect my computer and block my old IP addresses from the site. (I suspect it was LakerieDog. It's no secret that she was bitter and jealous of my enormous popularity.) In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if she has my whole estate under 24-hour surveillance, monitoring my every move. Of course, she denies any wrongdoing. Well TG, you picked the wrong Dyckerson to mess around with. You see, I happen to know a thing or two about programming...including UBB code and several HTML tags...and I could do serious damage to her infrastructure if I chose to. But I would never do such a thing. Instead, I have chosen to deprive PoliceHub of my knowledge and humor by refusing to post on the message board.

Subsequent to this turn of events, I have made several attempts to contact Traffic Goddess. I feel it is important that we maintain a level of civility for the sake of our three children. But I have been snubbed time and time again. She doesn't respond to my blog. She doesn't participate in Dyckersonville discussions. And frankly, I am hurt. But as you all know, I am a Dyckerson of peace and love. So if she is willing to crawl to me on her hands and knees and apologize, I may consider returning to the message board. The ball is in her court.

So that's the story. I encourage all of you to join in my boycotting of Mighty Dyckerson's PoliceHub. And thank you for your support.

15 comments:

Willo Keays said...

So the rumors are true. You've divorced Traffic Godess and run into the arms of your mistress- RevRee.

I was wondering where TG had disappeared to.

So - who has custody of the kids? Where can Auntie Hush visit them now?

east coast producer said...

This is wonderful news! La Resistance has spread to PoliceHub!

! VIVA LA REVOLUCION !

Mighty Dyckerson said...

I thought you'd like that, ECP.

Husho, StlNews offered to watch the kids while TG and I sort out the details of our messy divorce. She and I are fighting over custody rights (neither of us want them).

RainStorm1212 said...

I am sorry, Dyck, but I cannot and will not join you on this crusade of yours. Maybe you should crawl on your hands and knees and beg forgiveness from Traffic Goddess and LakerieDog. You have been a very bad boy, now fess up! Stop whining like a little girl and be the man that I know you can be and are!

Besides, you know I cannot go against the "Traffic Goddess".
Police Hub all the way!!!!!

Traffic Goddess said...

Dyck....don't be a dick! No one has fucked with your account other than the prank I pulled with the binary code. I told you to clear your cookies.
*sigh*

Mighty Dyckerson said...

AHA!!!!

So you admit you've been fucking with me!! Look, I cleaned my cookies, as well as ran SpyBot, SpamWhore, and everything else I could think of. I continue to suspect foul play. And this still doesn't explain your absence from Dyckersonville...

Little Lamb said...

I'm with Rain on this one, Dyck. And of course, TG.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

You disappoint me, Lambo. Are you forgetting the other day when you told me how you were secretly planning to assassinate TG and take over as administrator of Mighty Dyckerson's PoliceHub??

I shall return to the Hub when TG tells me those three little words I want to hear...

east coast producer said...

On further consideration here, you're not really boycotting PoliceHub.. you've actually been banned.

And frankly, I'm still waiting for those TWO words (and remoderation) so I can share with the world my wonderfully loveable anecdotes.

Little Lamb said...

You might as well ban ECP from Little Lamb's Dyckersonville.

east coast producer said...

LAMBOOOOOOOOOOOO! (#*$&(#*&$(*#)$*()!!!!

Traffic Goddess said...

Three words? Hmmm....

"Eat me raw?"

Mighty Dyckerson said...

We have a winner! :)

minwah said...

Congrats Dyck. Now you can go back to PH, and enthrall them all with your tales of glory (or poop, whichever one is first).

I wish I could go back and see all my friends, but I really AM banned! :-) :-)

Anonymous said...

I Agree with Mighty Dykerson about Police Hub 100%.I also had to deal with alot of crap especially from Lakerie who incidentally was instrumental in convincing the minions I was alot of things but at some point you would think someone would grow a brain and think for themselves but not if you are a member there.They are by the way being investigated and I urge everyone to align yourselves with Mighty Dykerson because he is definitely speaking the truth about that place.