1/29/2006

Please Help Me

My doctor has informed me that I suffer from the following conditions, diseases, and/or disorders:

  • I have high cholesterol.
  • I have high blood pressure.
  • I have low calcium, iron, zinc, potassium, magnesium, and plutonium.
  • I have no spleen.
  • I suffer from projectile vomiting, erectile dysfunction, and infantile genetalia.
  • I have juvenile diabetes.
  • I have adolescent diabetes.
  • I have geriatric diabetes.
  • I have Tourette's syndrome, you fucking bastards.
  • I have a kidney stone the size of a gall stone and a gall stone the size of a kidney stone.
  • My ears bleed constantly.
  • I have a deviated septum.
  • I suffer from Compulsive Deficit Disorder (CDD).
  • I have hair cancer.
  • I am a schizophrenic manic depressive with multiple personality disorder.
  • I have six toes on one foot.
  • I have two feet on one leg.
  • I have one leg.
  • I have Alzheimer's disease.
  • I am allergic to saliva.
  • A am anorexic, dyslexic, bulemic, and hypoglycemic.
  • I have a monkey wrench lodged in my colon.
  • I have Alzheimer's disease.
  • I have blood in my urine, urine in my feces, and feces in my snot.
  • I have a slipped disc.
  • My brake pads are worn.
  • I have Alzheimer's disease.
  • I am a walking heart attack, a ticking time bomb, and a leaking water balloon.

In addition to all of this, I have three diseases which don't even have names yet. One of them will be named after me. The other two are up for grabs.

Have a nice day!

20 comments:

minwah said...

Dyckie - you're a mess.

Little Lamb said...

Shall we put him out of his misery?

RevRee said...

If it makes you feel any better I'm half black and my check engine light is on in my car...

Jodi said...

Are you sure you're not my grandfather Dyck?

Little Lamb said...

jodi, Dyck thinks I'm his mother, so he coudl be your grandfather, who knows?

Jodi said...

He sounds as if he needs a mother on occasion. Or a voice of reason. Now that I think of it, I could use one of those, have any more openings Lamb?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

I added a few more disorders that cropped up over the weekend.

Also, last night I dreamt I was being raped by a jump roping lamb. When I woke up this morning, there was a pile of orange lint around my weewee. Anybody know what that means???

east coast producer said...

Lambo, Dyck didn't call you his mother. I heard him. He called you a "mother#$*&(*&$."

Clean the wool from your ears.

Little Lamb said...

Jodi, I don't know if you want to be a mother to Dyck.

Dyck, Orange lint? Nope,not me. I don't have lint nor do I give away lint.

ECP, you're wrong as always. He called me, "Mommy."

Jodi said...

I'm too young to be his mom Lamb.

Maybe Dyck should be refered to the Furries group. I'm seeing a hidden message in that dream. And for all things holy...wee wee???

RainStorm1212 said...

Dyck, don't you also have Tourette Syndrome?
Why is Lambie's lamb jumping rope faster than the bionic man on your forum board?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Raino, check the fucking list. I think you'll find Tourette's is on there, damn it.

As for the Lambo's lamb, I think it's on crack.

JoinUsForCake said...

I suggest you write all this on a piece of cradboard, go to the corner of Monument & Boulevard and start groveling for change.

RevRee said...

Cake, your cake looks tasty!

Little Lamb said...

Yes Cake can I have a piece?

Jodi said...

Make it three, cake, and a large glass of milk also please.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Good idea, Cake Boy. Maybe I'll even get some news coverage out of it. T.M., come to Dyckerson...

JoinUsForCake said...

Yes, there's lots of the Cake to go 'round! Eat up! But I don't drink milk, folks. Sorry. You gotta be down with the rice milk or soy milk if you wanna roll wit me, yo.

Little Lamb said...

I'll have sonme tea with my cake if that's ok.

~ Stacy ~ said...

Do you have Alzheimer's disease?

[heh]

I'm archive surfing.

Be afraid, be very...

Oh fuck it. Have a nice day.